don't think anything is what it seems...can't you figure out what this means?
as if I haven't updated enough recently. it's really upsetting that late night car conversations, throwing shit off a bridge, and nights of pure bliss are a thing of the past, and that I'm faced with moving on. I will never ever be able to forget the friendships I've had, or the memories I've made. I seriously have few true friends in this world and as more disappear into this world of facades and falsehoods, I'm left alone and introspective. I always catch myself wishing for the impossible, wishing to go back in time. I guess thats more of an incentive to make use of this time before it too lingers only in my regrets and somber reveries... but heh, I'm not the type to realize things like that. I'm just gonna keep wishing that things were back to how they use to be and that my life wasn't crumbling just out of reach. I really hate sounding so emo all the time but recently, I've been at the mercy of the weather. the weather: the smells wafted near that are tinged with the scent of christmas, the chill that urges me to bundle up and enjoy deep conversation with loved ones, the dryness that catches my throat and makes it burn to keep running. all these are familiar, loved, cherished aspects of the season, but they bring regrets. regrets about not spending more time with my family and jessica, who is so much more than just a sister... so much more than a confidant. regrets about being hurtful and exclusive... because now I'm on the other side of the exclusivity. what is it about cool air that stings my heart with loneliness? why is it that no matter how much I try to fit in or be accepted even with just a few select friends, it backfires? I guess if I ever paid attention in english I could take some tips from clarke and know which era of literature could help me the most in my quest for fulfillment, but what did they know anyway? and how could they know what it's like to have the pressures of a modern day teenager? how would they cope with the social stigma's that label all students and classify them accordingly? how would they react to truancy laws that prohibit our escapes to nature not only as learning environments but as secluded homes? how would they stay true to themselves in a world full of as many distractions and self-seeking individuals? answer me this and maybe I will look into what philosophies they used to survive, perhaps it would work for me too. on that note, I want to read. I have been robbed the last 3 months of sufficient time to read for pleasure. analyzing literature and picking apart works of art kills me. novels and plays are meant for enjoyment, not torture. I want to read something inspiring. something I'll remember and actually take some amazing concept or realization from. I want to be inspired and I want to enjoy myself, since I am all I seem to have right now. suggestions are eagerly anticipated, so please: lave a comment and help me find a book to help me deal with life, if not to just escaped it for awhile. simply being immersed in the life of someone else does wonders for making your own life not seem so bad or lonely.