a letter
This is most of a letter I wrote to Asia.
Hey Baby!
I’m so glad you were thinking the same thing I was. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while. I’m sorry it took so long to finally get a chance to write this.
First off, it seems like your living situation is definitely not ideal. It’s cool that it’s free and all, but no running water is not a good thing. I really proud of you for going for it at all. I’m proud of you for a lot of things though. I think that the past few months have been really strange and intense for you. I’m proud that you’ve handled it all so well. My beautiful grown up girly boy.
I’m glad you started painting again though. I can’t believe Zan is old enough for college. Were we like her when we started all of this. I know we weren’t, but it seems so strange for it to be so different. I’m glad she’s out of the house though. I think your mom will probably get lonely though.
So, Chris comes back in 10 days. I’m still worried that he’s going to break my heart again, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot the past few months. For one thing, this is the first time my heart has been broken, so that was interesting. But also, I feel a lot less romantic. I’ve lost a lot of my desire to plan for the future or even talk about it. I don’t even want to think about kids. A part of me is really grieving for this loss, but I think it will help me out in the long run. I feel like I’ve lost some tenderness though.
I’m done with physics and just working now. I don’t know how I’ve gotten through this summer. I’ve cried so much. I really don’t like being this far away from my family and friends, especially you. I feel really dislocated here. As if it’s just temporary and I’m waiting to leave. Which I am. I’m so ready to be done with college. I just need this last year to organize stuff and then I’m out. I can’t wait. I know you disagree with me rushing through and all, but I can’t help it. I just want to be done.
I’ve been really restless lately. I’ve been changing my clothes almost 5 times a day (that’s a bad sign). It’s time for me to move or change something big. I actually considered shaving my head. I don’t know what’s wrong, but something definitely is. I just want to go and leave everything behind. I want to live in France with you next year. I want to leave America. I want to leave. The strangest thing is that I’m happy, but at the same time I want to ditch everything and disappear. Maybe its just summer getting to me. I think I just really want a friend here. All my friends are gone for the summer, so I’m really lonely as well.
I still haven’t talked to Brett. I’m really hoping he’s okay. I think about him a lot. It was so strange to have my close friend taken out of my life so suddenly. I messaged him today, but he didn’t respond. I miss him.
We really need to pin down plans for what we’re doing this summer. My Aunt Barbee invited us down to Chile a few weeks ago, so that’s definitely an option. If you don’t want to do that though, it’s okay. We can do whatever, but I just want to decide. I don’t want something happening like it did last summer and just fuck everything up. I actually want to plan something soon.
I know this is really scattered. I’m feeling scattered lately. But I love you. I wish I could be there for you and talk everything through with you. I wish I could read your tarot for you and discuss our dreams. Life is weird and hard, but I do know for certain that I’ll always want to be near you and talking to you. You’re my best friend. I feel like there is so much more to say, but no way to say it. Hmmm. I’m glad we’re still connected. I’m very glad. I think about you a lot when I need hope, which has been frequent lately.
I love you like the tree loves its mountain,
CasCas
Hey Baby!
I’m so glad you were thinking the same thing I was. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while. I’m sorry it took so long to finally get a chance to write this.
First off, it seems like your living situation is definitely not ideal. It’s cool that it’s free and all, but no running water is not a good thing. I really proud of you for going for it at all. I’m proud of you for a lot of things though. I think that the past few months have been really strange and intense for you. I’m proud that you’ve handled it all so well. My beautiful grown up girly boy.
I’m glad you started painting again though. I can’t believe Zan is old enough for college. Were we like her when we started all of this. I know we weren’t, but it seems so strange for it to be so different. I’m glad she’s out of the house though. I think your mom will probably get lonely though.
So, Chris comes back in 10 days. I’m still worried that he’s going to break my heart again, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot the past few months. For one thing, this is the first time my heart has been broken, so that was interesting. But also, I feel a lot less romantic. I’ve lost a lot of my desire to plan for the future or even talk about it. I don’t even want to think about kids. A part of me is really grieving for this loss, but I think it will help me out in the long run. I feel like I’ve lost some tenderness though.
I’m done with physics and just working now. I don’t know how I’ve gotten through this summer. I’ve cried so much. I really don’t like being this far away from my family and friends, especially you. I feel really dislocated here. As if it’s just temporary and I’m waiting to leave. Which I am. I’m so ready to be done with college. I just need this last year to organize stuff and then I’m out. I can’t wait. I know you disagree with me rushing through and all, but I can’t help it. I just want to be done.
I’ve been really restless lately. I’ve been changing my clothes almost 5 times a day (that’s a bad sign). It’s time for me to move or change something big. I actually considered shaving my head. I don’t know what’s wrong, but something definitely is. I just want to go and leave everything behind. I want to live in France with you next year. I want to leave America. I want to leave. The strangest thing is that I’m happy, but at the same time I want to ditch everything and disappear. Maybe its just summer getting to me. I think I just really want a friend here. All my friends are gone for the summer, so I’m really lonely as well.
I still haven’t talked to Brett. I’m really hoping he’s okay. I think about him a lot. It was so strange to have my close friend taken out of my life so suddenly. I messaged him today, but he didn’t respond. I miss him.
We really need to pin down plans for what we’re doing this summer. My Aunt Barbee invited us down to Chile a few weeks ago, so that’s definitely an option. If you don’t want to do that though, it’s okay. We can do whatever, but I just want to decide. I don’t want something happening like it did last summer and just fuck everything up. I actually want to plan something soon.
I know this is really scattered. I’m feeling scattered lately. But I love you. I wish I could be there for you and talk everything through with you. I wish I could read your tarot for you and discuss our dreams. Life is weird and hard, but I do know for certain that I’ll always want to be near you and talking to you. You’re my best friend. I feel like there is so much more to say, but no way to say it. Hmmm. I’m glad we’re still connected. I’m very glad. I think about you a lot when I need hope, which has been frequent lately.
I love you like the tree loves its mountain,
CasCas