(no subject)
i got suspended from work today for some stupid shit.
i think i might lose my job.
i would kill myself, but i'd probably just fuck that up like everything else and end up a fucking quadrapalegic or a retard or something.
i just don't even fucking know anymore. i don't know anything about myself anymore. i've spent my whole life trying to be something better, and in the end, all i am is me.
i hate me.
excerpts from american psycho by bret easton ellis:
"...i had all the characteristics of a human being- flesh, blood, skin, hair- but my depersonalization was so intense, had gone so deep, that the normal ability to feel compassion had been eradicated, the victim of a slow, purposefull, erasure. i was simply imatating reality, a rough resembelence of a human being, with only a dim corner of my mind functioning. something horriable was happening and yet i couldn't figure out why- couldn't put my finger on it. the only think that calmed me was the satisfying sound of ice being dropped into a glass of j&b..."
"...it is hard for me to make sense on any given level. myself is fabricated, an aberation. i am a noncontenget human being. my personallity is sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and persistent. my conscience, my pity, my hopes dissapeared a long time ago, if they ever did exist. there are no more barriers to cross. all i have in common with the uncontrollable and the insale, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem i have causedand my utter indifferance toward it, i have now surpassed. i still, though, hold on to one single bleak truth: no one is safe, nothing is redeemed. yet i am blameless. each model of human behavior must be assumed to have some validity.is evil something you are? or is it something you do? my pain is constant and sharp and i do not hope for a better world for anyone. in fact i want my pain to be inflicted on others. i want no one to escape..."
The Rugburns- Surburbia:
I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia
My wife don't understand me, well she thinks that I'm a louse
She don't understand that there's a mortgage in this house
Her mother won't quit nagging, well she thinks that I'm a slave
I'd like to put a knife in her and send her to the grave
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
In Suburbia the kids are always screaming half the night
The way they never go to sleep they must be smoking ice
In the morning when you wake up your car stereo's been nicked
It's the yuppie couple's kid next door, he's such a little prick
They say child abuse is bad, in this case I'd say it's legal
I'd like to chain him to his room and set fire to his beagle
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
Joe Wilson down the road is fucking Henry Meuller's wife
And now he wants my daughter, I wish they'd stay out of my life
My son just got arrested, he's got pot leaves on his door
His favorite band's the Rugburns and he wants a fucking war
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia
i think i might lose my job.
i would kill myself, but i'd probably just fuck that up like everything else and end up a fucking quadrapalegic or a retard or something.
i just don't even fucking know anymore. i don't know anything about myself anymore. i've spent my whole life trying to be something better, and in the end, all i am is me.
i hate me.
excerpts from american psycho by bret easton ellis:
"...i had all the characteristics of a human being- flesh, blood, skin, hair- but my depersonalization was so intense, had gone so deep, that the normal ability to feel compassion had been eradicated, the victim of a slow, purposefull, erasure. i was simply imatating reality, a rough resembelence of a human being, with only a dim corner of my mind functioning. something horriable was happening and yet i couldn't figure out why- couldn't put my finger on it. the only think that calmed me was the satisfying sound of ice being dropped into a glass of j&b..."
"...it is hard for me to make sense on any given level. myself is fabricated, an aberation. i am a noncontenget human being. my personallity is sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and persistent. my conscience, my pity, my hopes dissapeared a long time ago, if they ever did exist. there are no more barriers to cross. all i have in common with the uncontrollable and the insale, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem i have causedand my utter indifferance toward it, i have now surpassed. i still, though, hold on to one single bleak truth: no one is safe, nothing is redeemed. yet i am blameless. each model of human behavior must be assumed to have some validity.is evil something you are? or is it something you do? my pain is constant and sharp and i do not hope for a better world for anyone. in fact i want my pain to be inflicted on others. i want no one to escape..."
The Rugburns- Surburbia:
I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia
My wife don't understand me, well she thinks that I'm a louse
She don't understand that there's a mortgage in this house
Her mother won't quit nagging, well she thinks that I'm a slave
I'd like to put a knife in her and send her to the grave
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
In Suburbia the kids are always screaming half the night
The way they never go to sleep they must be smoking ice
In the morning when you wake up your car stereo's been nicked
It's the yuppie couple's kid next door, he's such a little prick
They say child abuse is bad, in this case I'd say it's legal
I'd like to chain him to his room and set fire to his beagle
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
Joe Wilson down the road is fucking Henry Meuller's wife
And now he wants my daughter, I wish they'd stay out of my life
My son just got arrested, he's got pot leaves on his door
His favorite band's the Rugburns and he wants a fucking war
In Suburbia
Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia
I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia