Things are tough all over
So I know my last few blogs have been just me in a funk. Hope I haven't scared anyone.
I recently deleted my Myspace profile although I'm sure in the near future I'll be re-appearing into that community.
It's funny how so many things can just pile up at once and hit you from all sides and knock you almost unconscious. I know it seems that the ex is the biggest problem but truly he's not. I think it's just a combination of several different things, job, environment, family, personal, money, sure ex boyfriend and probably post/or at the time pre and holiday stuff. Life can get you down super quick. And right now I'm just peering up hoping to find a way to the surface of the water again.
I got to the point where I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone or communicate mostly because I don't want to drag anyone else down. I realize this is me and it's something I've got to figure a way out of. So that's another reason I'm not putting any pressure on anyone else. I'm also to the point to where it takes everything I have to go to work everyday which I have to now that I've put my job in jeopardy because of what I'm doing to myself. And after that, I need to try and do something to get some sanity back in my life or working out or whatever and just trying to talk or have a normal conversation with anyone outside or after work. I'm in a very slippery slope right now and it's just so tough and I know everyone's saying they understand, they understand... but I don't think they do. Because it's like I'm suppose to just go from bottom of the barrel to the top of the ocean current and that's just not going to happen this time.
I also realize maybe I'm forcing too many things in my life, and that's what's led up to this depression. I think maybe for the past 2 yrs I've pushed relationships/friendship and otherwise and the move and just everything I've done and that's what has led me to some failure and some defeat as well as the bottom of my pit. It's a hard, dark place to get out of but one day soon in the next month or so I hope to get back to somewhat normal. It's hard when I as well as others miss the person I used to be.
I recently deleted my Myspace profile although I'm sure in the near future I'll be re-appearing into that community.
It's funny how so many things can just pile up at once and hit you from all sides and knock you almost unconscious. I know it seems that the ex is the biggest problem but truly he's not. I think it's just a combination of several different things, job, environment, family, personal, money, sure ex boyfriend and probably post/or at the time pre and holiday stuff. Life can get you down super quick. And right now I'm just peering up hoping to find a way to the surface of the water again.
I got to the point where I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone or communicate mostly because I don't want to drag anyone else down. I realize this is me and it's something I've got to figure a way out of. So that's another reason I'm not putting any pressure on anyone else. I'm also to the point to where it takes everything I have to go to work everyday which I have to now that I've put my job in jeopardy because of what I'm doing to myself. And after that, I need to try and do something to get some sanity back in my life or working out or whatever and just trying to talk or have a normal conversation with anyone outside or after work. I'm in a very slippery slope right now and it's just so tough and I know everyone's saying they understand, they understand... but I don't think they do. Because it's like I'm suppose to just go from bottom of the barrel to the top of the ocean current and that's just not going to happen this time.
I also realize maybe I'm forcing too many things in my life, and that's what's led up to this depression. I think maybe for the past 2 yrs I've pushed relationships/friendship and otherwise and the move and just everything I've done and that's what has led me to some failure and some defeat as well as the bottom of my pit. It's a hard, dark place to get out of but one day soon in the next month or so I hope to get back to somewhat normal. It's hard when I as well as others miss the person I used to be.