They call me the worrier
Cuz I worry around and around!
Well I've had two sessions, by the second one I'd had a chance to talk to my sister in law about how I was feeling and thinking. I hate that I have to feel like I'm burdening someone else with that. Like they have to worry about me. But she did say she thought of me often and wondered how I was. I know she worries in a motherly way, I think her and my brother thought I moved out too fast. Which I did, but I had good reasons to.
So now I'm still dealing with some of that, some of personal situations, and some of just the sense of being lost in myself. I've had some wonderful advice from friends I trust. The work I've been trying to do on my own is helping some. But you know one time it's really good, one time it's really not helpful it seems.
One of the things I've had to realize is it's going to be up to me to make the connection with the family. To try and get close and keep it close. The other is that yes I'm here to build my own life and make my own way. Either way, it's a lot harder than I would have thought, or maybe I'm more of an emotional person than I knew before. I don't know that losing myself is all that bad, so I can build her up stronger and better than she was before. Now I'm refering to myself from a 3rd person. I swear I am not crazy.
For a half a minute, I started to wonder if I'm just bipolar, but that can't be possible, I'm not yelling at anyone. I think I just have the self abuse complex. Where I can beat myself up better than anyone could ever dream. Yes I know I need to lighten up, yes I know I need to just let loose and live a little. And I'm doing that. I go out with friends, I paint pottery, I read, I work out a little here and there. Mostly I just need to get out of my own head. It's a dark and scary place in there.
So I am really trying hard now just to take it one day at a time. I have a wonderful group of friends and support. My dad even brought up some fantastic points. Example... oh it only took my brother 2 months to give me a half hug when I moved here. I don't remember exactly how long, but it was long. So I know I'm being slightly unrealistic with thinking we'll be close when I moved out. But time will go on, it hopefully will only get better.
Well I've had two sessions, by the second one I'd had a chance to talk to my sister in law about how I was feeling and thinking. I hate that I have to feel like I'm burdening someone else with that. Like they have to worry about me. But she did say she thought of me often and wondered how I was. I know she worries in a motherly way, I think her and my brother thought I moved out too fast. Which I did, but I had good reasons to.
So now I'm still dealing with some of that, some of personal situations, and some of just the sense of being lost in myself. I've had some wonderful advice from friends I trust. The work I've been trying to do on my own is helping some. But you know one time it's really good, one time it's really not helpful it seems.
One of the things I've had to realize is it's going to be up to me to make the connection with the family. To try and get close and keep it close. The other is that yes I'm here to build my own life and make my own way. Either way, it's a lot harder than I would have thought, or maybe I'm more of an emotional person than I knew before. I don't know that losing myself is all that bad, so I can build her up stronger and better than she was before. Now I'm refering to myself from a 3rd person. I swear I am not crazy.
For a half a minute, I started to wonder if I'm just bipolar, but that can't be possible, I'm not yelling at anyone. I think I just have the self abuse complex. Where I can beat myself up better than anyone could ever dream. Yes I know I need to lighten up, yes I know I need to just let loose and live a little. And I'm doing that. I go out with friends, I paint pottery, I read, I work out a little here and there. Mostly I just need to get out of my own head. It's a dark and scary place in there.
So I am really trying hard now just to take it one day at a time. I have a wonderful group of friends and support. My dad even brought up some fantastic points. Example... oh it only took my brother 2 months to give me a half hug when I moved here. I don't remember exactly how long, but it was long. So I know I'm being slightly unrealistic with thinking we'll be close when I moved out. But time will go on, it hopefully will only get better.