i love you.
last night, i got really scared. i could not figure out how i came to receive a beating organ inside of my chest. or why for that matter. or what in god's name is keeping going. i freaked out, mainly because i remembered a time where i actually wanted to stop it, stop it from beating. as if it were a resolution. and i feel like such an asshole now for wishing that, for wanting to no longer be here. but here is all i have and for all i know, here is all i will ever have. whats more is, the life that was given to me is nothing at all to complain about especially when you compare it to lives out there where their primary goal and focus is simply to just exist. i know that i could have been given more but i also know that i could have been given so much less and to think that i was ever sad about living in my self makes me extremely ashamed. im so glad that i can breathe a whole breath and that my legs and arms are fully functional and that i can dance. i love that i have a reason to dance. and that i can see with eyes. and that my heart hasn't ever stopped beating, even when i asked it to.