everything is just falling apart...
i really thought that i had fixed things for myself and i had made it so i dont have to feel bad about any crap anymore but i was totally wrong. im so tired of being hurt and even if its not intentional it sure seems that way and maybe thats just me thinking "oh god i cant ever get a break" but i just dont know. i really am trying to get out more bc i dont want all that bad stuff robbie said to my face when we were together to be true such as when he said that nobody likes me and i dont have any friends. well i know for a fact thats totally not true and at least i dont change myself so my friends can like me and at least i dont lie so they will think im cool. the accept me for who i am instead of just putting up with my bullshit like they do from him. so if you think about it whos the person who doesnt have friends. and well i mean maybe he does but they dont know him as well as i do so wont the be in for a big surprise when they find out the truth about shit.
anyway all this crap about the weekend is totally getting messed up... i have no money therefore i cant do anything that costs anything so now i have to figure out a way to ask kyle if he still wants to do something without making it look like im trying to get him alone... thats really not the case at all so i guess im in for some awkward talks. greeeat. i dont know... if anybody has suggestions you can comment in the comment thing SINCE NOBODY EVER DOES! but yeah i dont know how to ask him to do something if it were just us bc i understand he wants to be friends for now and all so why cant we talk as friends and share secrets just like girls... haha. i treat too many guys like girls by giving too much information but the truth is... i really dont care!
recently i havent been able to pay attention at all like ever. my mind just wanders and i start thinking about things that have nothing to do with school and all that jazz. for instance in math chelsey and i totally distract each other but i dont want to divorce her at all i like sitting with her and if someone is going to distract me in math im glad its her. she really helps me out too. ive been so torn emotionally for like the past 2 weeks and i dont know what to do with myself... its like all of these feelings just keep rushing all over the place and i dont know how to feel or to act or anything. i like kyle... i really do but i do want to know him better bc i ALWAYS rush into things and i dont take the time to know the person which i think is a reason why things got so messed up between robbie and i. i didnt know before i started going out with him that he was a huge liar. i mean one of his ex girlfriends warned me that he would lie and he would only hurt me but i didnt believe her. wow im sorry jessica i should have never been so rude and i should have taken your warning to heart. also jason meyer warned me that robbie has a really bad reputation, but did i care, absolutely not. and yes he does and yes he lied and yes i got hurt. i know that whoever you are if you know me well you are probably thinking "omg why are you saying those things? you did have a great time." yeah in the midst of all the lies and fights about lies sure i had fun. i had fun fooling myself into thinking that everything was okay when in truth nothing was. i dont ever want to hurt like this again... ever. i dont care who it is and i dont care if they mean the world to me like he did im not going to be lied to any more. im not ready to see him with another girl yet either and i know you're thinking "well you like kyle." yeah i do but on that same token it doesnt mean im ready to see myself with him either. yeah hes great fun to talk to and hes really nice and im totally going to hang out with him on saturday but i dont want him to be my boyfriend right now bc he probably knows stuff about me that he heard through the grapevine and i want him to know me for who i am and what i say about me. im a really open person so im sure soon enough he will know things he doesnt want to know but all of this takes time and im 16 and ive got all the time in the world. especially for nice people.
now, if you read this and you love me you will comment on how to tell him that we might have to hang out alone on saturday and if you dont comment then you are super gay.
i love you i love you i love you i love you!
and whoa i almost lost this whole entry... oh gosh!
yay leah is picking me up in the morning so i dont have to walk and be all alone... i love her... yay for leah and jenny bc we have our almost best quality time in the morning.
anyway all this crap about the weekend is totally getting messed up... i have no money therefore i cant do anything that costs anything so now i have to figure out a way to ask kyle if he still wants to do something without making it look like im trying to get him alone... thats really not the case at all so i guess im in for some awkward talks. greeeat. i dont know... if anybody has suggestions you can comment in the comment thing SINCE NOBODY EVER DOES! but yeah i dont know how to ask him to do something if it were just us bc i understand he wants to be friends for now and all so why cant we talk as friends and share secrets just like girls... haha. i treat too many guys like girls by giving too much information but the truth is... i really dont care!
recently i havent been able to pay attention at all like ever. my mind just wanders and i start thinking about things that have nothing to do with school and all that jazz. for instance in math chelsey and i totally distract each other but i dont want to divorce her at all i like sitting with her and if someone is going to distract me in math im glad its her. she really helps me out too. ive been so torn emotionally for like the past 2 weeks and i dont know what to do with myself... its like all of these feelings just keep rushing all over the place and i dont know how to feel or to act or anything. i like kyle... i really do but i do want to know him better bc i ALWAYS rush into things and i dont take the time to know the person which i think is a reason why things got so messed up between robbie and i. i didnt know before i started going out with him that he was a huge liar. i mean one of his ex girlfriends warned me that he would lie and he would only hurt me but i didnt believe her. wow im sorry jessica i should have never been so rude and i should have taken your warning to heart. also jason meyer warned me that robbie has a really bad reputation, but did i care, absolutely not. and yes he does and yes he lied and yes i got hurt. i know that whoever you are if you know me well you are probably thinking "omg why are you saying those things? you did have a great time." yeah in the midst of all the lies and fights about lies sure i had fun. i had fun fooling myself into thinking that everything was okay when in truth nothing was. i dont ever want to hurt like this again... ever. i dont care who it is and i dont care if they mean the world to me like he did im not going to be lied to any more. im not ready to see him with another girl yet either and i know you're thinking "well you like kyle." yeah i do but on that same token it doesnt mean im ready to see myself with him either. yeah hes great fun to talk to and hes really nice and im totally going to hang out with him on saturday but i dont want him to be my boyfriend right now bc he probably knows stuff about me that he heard through the grapevine and i want him to know me for who i am and what i say about me. im a really open person so im sure soon enough he will know things he doesnt want to know but all of this takes time and im 16 and ive got all the time in the world. especially for nice people.
now, if you read this and you love me you will comment on how to tell him that we might have to hang out alone on saturday and if you dont comment then you are super gay.
i love you i love you i love you i love you!
and whoa i almost lost this whole entry... oh gosh!
yay leah is picking me up in the morning so i dont have to walk and be all alone... i love her... yay for leah and jenny bc we have our almost best quality time in the morning.