Spring Fic Exchange: Don't Trust the Jerk in Booth 27 for septembers_coda
Recipient: septembers_coda
Author: candygramme
Artist: etoile_etiolee, who is absolutely the star that her name implies. She deserves much love for her work. Go and tell her so here
Title: "Don't Trust the Jerk in Booth 27"
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean, a bevy of little girls
Rating: Gen
Warnings/Spoilers (if applicable): Crack
Wordcount: ~3,300
Beta: The incredible spoonlessone
Author's Notes: The prompt I chose in the end was The brother of your choice has to go undercover somewhere where he gets adopted by a posse of dreamy, purple-sparkles-loving, squealy, adoring tween girls. He finds it harder than he ever would have expected to extricate himself… or want to. and I do hope you like the result. The thought of Dean 'educating' a bunch of little girls was too much for me to resist.
"I think I've found a case." Sam sauntered into the Batcave with a 12 pack of microbrew and a newspaper. Tossing the paper onto the table beside where Dean was sitting, he continued on into the kitchen to put his purchase in the fridge.
Dean gave a sigh and closed his laptop, reluctantly abandoning his busty Asian beauties for a few moments. Picking up the paper he began to read. It seemed that a very expensive private school for girls had been experiencing problems with a capital P, and Sam thought that they were being induced by an unquiet spirit.
"So you think that Casper is haunting the school gym?" said Dean as his brother returned bearing a couple of bottles.
""I'm pretty sure that's the case," nodded Sam. "Apparently the moment there are more than just a couple of people around, everyone gets mad, and violence erupts. The valedictorian is currently in the local lockup awaiting charges after knifing the music teacher during a concert, and there have been several instances of fisticuffs during school assembly."
Dean's brows drew together as he considered that. "That’s not the work of a typical vengeful spirit," he said. "You sure it's not just the youth of today expressing themselves in their own inimitable way?"
"I think it's worth checking it out, don't you?" Sam sat down in the chair opposite to him and raised his bottle to his lips.
For a moment, Dean closed his eyes, recalling a St. Trinian's movie he'd seen, way back in his formative years. He shuddered blissfully at the thought of nubile high schoolers and nodded. "Yeah, okay. Can't hurt."
~*o*~
The initial search through online information produced nothing that pointed to any unquiet spirit or vengeful ghost, and Dean, who had lost interest by this time, was beginning to sneak looks at his favorite porn site again.
"There's nothing there," he complained to Sam. "We should just go in and poke around. Maybe we'll find something in the gym itself. " He waggled his eyebrows at Sam. "Medicine ball made from human skin, perhaps?"
"I rather hope not," said Sam, pushing his computer away. "I guess we should go and have a look after dark. Maybe we can spot something actually onsite."
"Okay." Dean perked up at the thought of action. "I've got breaking into a girls' school on my bucket list. Let's go!"
Dean was cheerful as they drove the couple of hours to reach the school, and didn't even comment when Sam turned down the cassette he was playing, and okay, the soundtrack to 'Transformers, The Movie' wasn't one of Dean's noisiest, but it was up there for sheer ear-splitting menace.
Scouting around the school in the darkness should have been a simple task, but no less than three times the brothers had to drop down and hold their breath as yet another escaping young lady went over the fence. Finally, they identified the gymnasium. It was a satellite building set away from the main school and dormitories, with a covered walkway leading to it.
It was the work of a moment for Sam to pop the lock and let them both in, and they'd both gotten inside without any trouble at all. Clicking on their flashlights, the pair prowled the facility, peering into every corner, studying the equipment in the hopes of spotting anything that could be harboring an unquiet ghost and doing whatever they could think of to bring out any preternatural activity, but nothing out of the ordinary. The gymnasium remained merely a room filled with ropes and bars, smelling vaguely of furniture polish and sweaty socks.
"Dude, we've done everything but wheel in the Ouija board. This is getting us nowhere." Sam pushed his hair back from his forehead and stood shaking his head. "I don't think we're going to find anything tonight."
"Yeah." Dean sighed. "Big fat zero from me too. Nothing on the EMF meter, and the only reason my spidey senses are tingling is because I need the bathroom. Let's go find somewhere to regroup. Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett."
"Gone with the Wind?" Sam raised one eyebrow at Dean, a smirk on his face.
"It was the only thing on TV the other night. We have got to get HBO, I'm tellin' ya!"
~*o*~
"Maybe one of their staff members is a demon." said Dean, noisily chomping his way through his 'Lumberjack Special' breakfast.
"Or one of the kids," nodded Sam, pecking away at his keyboard with one hand as he scooped up a forkful of his omelet with the other. "We need to find an excuse to get in and rub shoulders with them," He mused quietly for a moment or two as he worked his way through his food. Suddenly he sat up straight. "This is it," he said.
"You found a ghost? What?" Dean slurped his coffee obnoxiously.
"The way in to the school. Check this out." Sam turned his computer so that Dean could see the screen. "This weekend they are having a career fair. All we need to do is pose as career counselors, and we'll be able to mingle with the kids, the staff, all of the above.
``Sounds like a plan.`` Dean said. "So you put the suit on and go in as a career counselor, and I..."
"Uh, no." Sam closed his laptop and pushed his plate away. "That's not how it works. " He counted out the money for breakfast and set it on the table. "We'll settle who goes in as career counselor the way we always do."
Dean groaned as they got up to leave. He really didn't want to spend the weekend in a suit with a bunch of girls. "You are such a pain sometimes," he complained.
"Yeah. So?" Sam climbed into the car and settled himself in. "You ready?" Rock, paper, scissors ended as he knew it must. It did so again as Dean called for 'best out of three,' once they'd arrived back at the motel room.
"Oh, come on, dude..." Dean attempted to emulate the forlorn expression made famous by Shrek's version of Puss in Boots. It failed.
"Dean, you lost fair and square. You're the one who gets to go help mold the young minds of tomorrow." Sam was smirking as he tossed Dean his tie and the schedule.
"Okay," grumbled Dean, filling his hip flask and daring Sam to say a word. "Where's that marked deck of mine?"
"You're kidding me, aren't you?" Sam looked a little worried.
"Sammy, my boy, I see my role very clearly now. If I have to do this thing, I will give it my all. I am going to prepare those young women for life!"
~*o*~
Dean had settled himself in his booth, stashed his bottle of Jack Daniels behind the desk and set his packs of cards on the chair where he would be sitting once the fair got underway. Emerging from the canvas cubicle he'd been consigned to, he set about mingling with the other participants.
There were a number of teachers present. Dean met the music teacher, whose arm was still in a sling following the knifing incident, and the principal, who was a dowdy little lady with a no nonsense manner who seemed anxious to get away from these intruders into her domain, and who actually did leave shortly after greeting him. There were a number of recruiters from companies in the area and several from local colleges and universities, but nowhere could Dean see anyone showing signs of anger, and in fact everything seemed to be mundane enough to be banal. It wasn't long before Dean retreated to his booth and treated himself to a slug from his flask.
The careers fair began slowly. Girls trickled in, some with parents, more without, and the fact that it was a boarding school meant that a fair number of the children were unattended by adults. Dean hadn't been sitting in his booth for long, when a somewhat skinny little girl with a scowl and braces approached.
"I'm Fiona," she announced. "What are you for?"
"I'm here to..." Dean thought for a minute that he was going to pass out. He really hadn't signed up for 12 year olds. Where were the nubiles? "Uh... I'm here to show you the way to never be broke again."
The girl, who had been rolling her eyes, seemed to perk up at that. "Oh, really?" she said. "Tell me more."
Dean, who had been twitching a little, took a deep breath. "Take a seat, little lady," he said and pulled out his cards. "Let me show you how to win at cards..."
An hour and a half later, Dean had seven 12 and 13 year olds clustered around the desk in his booth. He'd hung out the "Gone for Lunch" sign to keep others out, and there was a surprising amount of money on the table for a bunch of children so young. Two of the girls he'd somehow acquired, Polly and Hayley, had their heads together, and were taking notes, 'for the school paper,' said Hayley. Fiona had learned pretty quickly to deal from the bottom of the deck. Annie had lost all her money and tossed her sparkly pink headband into the pot in lieu of cash. Joy had sneaked a couple of swigs from his flask and was now red faced and giggling as she raised the bid again, and he'd reluctantly had to reprimand Lauren several times for hiding cards up her sleeve.
"Dude, if you're going to do that, you have to make sure nobody sees you. You looked way too guilty. Try it again and don't cringe while you're doing it."
Sarah, who had been somewhat reserved until now, gave him a smile. "I like you. You're like Mr. Sear."
"Oh yeah?" Dean raised one eyebrow as he considered going for another card. "Who's Mr. Sear?"
"He's the gym teacher," said Hayley, butting in. "I fold."
"Yeah. He's new, and he's good fun. He says that we should look out for ourselves, and that the whole 'teamwork' scam is the government's way of conditioning us to be sheep." Sarah pushed a roll of quarters forward. "Raise," she said.
"This Mr. Sear sounds interesting. I'd like to meet him," said Dean, covering her bet and electing to let his cards stand.
"He's great. He says that you have to survive by beating out the weaker ones in the herd." Fiona tossed in her hand and Lauren began to giggle. "Mr Winchester, I did it and you didn't catch me."
"Way to go!" Dean gave her a fistbump. "You in or out?"
"In of course." She pushed a couple of dollar bills forward and giggled again. Dean gave her an assessing stare.
"Just how many cards did you switch?" he asked. "God help me, I've created a monster."
There were more giggles, and then Joy, who had been swigging from Dean's flask again, rose somewhat unsteadily. "Going to the restroom," she announced and left the booth.
Lauren won the round and Karen was about to deal a new one when Joy reappeared. "Mr. Sear just came," she announced. "Do you think he'd like to play?"
"Maybe," said Dean. "Deal me out, and I'll go and ask him." He didn't wait for an answer, but strode over to the curtain and pushed through to survey the rest of the room. Across by the door was a man that Dean remembered all too well. Fumbling in his pocket, he pulled out his phone and dialed for Sam.
"Dude, get your ass here asap. It's War."
"Yeah. That'd do it," said Sam. "I'm just outside. I'll be there in a minute. You got a plan?"
"Well we can't gank him here. We'd be traumatizing about a hundred little girls." Dean thought for a moment. "Nope. I got nothin'. Just get here and bring the angel sword."
He slipped his phone back into his jacket and strolled over to where War was talking animatedly to the music teacher. Dean could hear him urging her to press charges as he sauntered up to the two of them.
"Do excuse us," he said to the teacher. "Mr. Sear and I have a career choice to make." He didn't wait for a response, merely took War by the arm and tugged until he was outside the gym in the covered walkway that led up to it.
"Dean Winchester, as I live and breathe," said War, beaming. "How very interesting to see you here helping to shape the minds of tomorrow."
"Yeah," growled Dean. "And it's pretty interesting that you're about to stop doing just that."
"That really is interesting." War smirked. "Erroneous, of course, but interesting nonetheless."
"Actually, dude, you're going to walk away from here right now, and never return, or..." Dean was interrupted by War doubling up with laughter. That was actually fine, because his paroxysms concealed the sound of Sam coming from behind to impale him on the angel sword, just as Dean stuck him with Ruby's demon slayer. For a moment, there was a rumbling as if an earthquake was about to start, and then War's body flickered two or three times and winked out as if it had never been.
"You think we crossed the streams?" asked Sam, tucking the sword back into his jacket.
"I think the school needs a new gym teacher," said Dean, turning to go back into the gym.
"Wait a minute. The case is solved; where are you going?" Sam frowned.
"I have some ladies I can't disappoint," said Dean, cheerfully as he pushed through the double doors to return to his booth. Sighing, Sam followed.
Inside the booth was mayhem. In the few minutes he'd been away it seemed that the entire proceedings had deteriorated. Joy had apparently found Dean's bottle of Jack, and was lying under the table singing something that might have been by One Division. Fiona had Lauren down on the ground and was yanking hard on her pigtails while screeching something that little girls really weren't ever supposed to have heard. Annie, who had lost all her money, had also lost half of her clothes and was in the act of flinging her training bra onto the desk, while Sarah was unconcernedly counting the stack of winnings she'd amassed. Polly was taking photos with her iPhone and Hayley had given up taking notes and was dictating into her phone as Polly filmed.
"Mr. Winchester, this will go down great on the six o'clock," enthused Sarah as Dean, somewhat stunned, bent to reclaim his now half empty bottle.
"Well, ladies," he said, looking around at the scene, "I think I have to go..."
"No!" At once, seven little girls ceased what they were doing and flung themselves at him. Joy gave his left knee a sloppy kiss before collapsing once again,
"You can't just go. We like you," said Sarah her eyebrows practically mating in her ferocious scowl.
"Well, I like you too, but..." Lauren flung her arms around him, cutting off his ability to think himself out of this particular predicament.
Just at that moment, the flap that covered the entrance to the booth was yanked to one side, and Sam, looking every inch a Federal Agent - or every other inch at least, considering the fact that his hair was brushing his shoulders - stepped through, followed by the principal. It was astonishing how rapidly the booth cleared. Girls fled under the canvas, and even Joy made her escape, hiccupping as she went.
"Dean Winchester, you are under arrest." Sam's pronouncement was less impressive than it might have been, because he was barely repressing his giggles, Dean could tell even if the principal couldn't. He would get Sam back for that later. "He's a desperate character," Sam said in an aside to the Principal. "He's wanted in five states for kidnapping heiresses and demanding ransom. Thank you for bringing him to my attention."
That confused the principal somewhat, but she murmured a breathy word or two of thanks anyway and fixed Dean with the kind of glare that would have most schoolkids skewered to the wall. Dean gulped, and then did the only thing he could think of to do under the circumstances and chugged a healthy belt of Jack Daniels to fortify himself.
"I guess you've got me cornered," he said to Sam. "Take me away."
"Well, don't just stand there," snapped the principal, and how could Dean ever have thought of her as mousy and colorless? "Cuff him."
"Y-yes, ma'am." Sam got out his handcuffs and slapped one onto Dean's wrist, hoping that she wouldn't notice the fur lining. He took the other and slid it onto his own wrist. "Let's go."
Thankfully following his brother out of the gym and over to the car, Dean was gratified to see his posse of little girls sneaking after them. "Sammy, we got company. My homies are about to stage some kind of rescue. Better stop and tell them it's okay."
They came to a halt beside the Impala, where Sam shed the cuffs, and Dean called out to them. "It's okay, ladies. I'm not in any trouble." One by one the six girls gathered around - Joy was understandably missing from the throng.
"Where are you going?" Annie, who had pulled on a jacket over her still naked torso, had tears in her eyes.
"Honey, Dean has to go and...ow!" Sam's reassurance died in mid sentence, because Fiona had kicked his shin hard, and then followed up by plowing in and biting him on the back of his hand.
"Hey!" yelled Dean. "Don't you bite my brother! You've been tested for rabies, haven't you?"
Fiona backed off, leaving Sam hopping as he rubbed his shin. Her blue eyes swam with tears, and Dean swallowed as he saw them. "Aww, come on, Fiona. Don't cry."
"I don't want you to go." She sniffed, and her nose turned pink. The other girls were all sobbing too now, and Dean wondered if this wasn't actually a worse torture than any Alastair had visited on him while in hell.
"He has to," murmured Sam. "He's got... ummm... Important work to do catching bad guys and things." He cleared his throat. "But he'll come back and visit you."
"He will?"
"I will?" Dean coughed. "Uh... I will. Too right."
"Well, okay." Annie reached out to him and pressed her sparkly headband into his hand. Fiona wrote her number on the back of his wrist, and Hayley, ever the reporter, busily captured the moment on film on her phone.
Finally they managed to clamber into the Impala and make their getaway, and Dean, sticky with little girl kisses, smiled and waved and wore the headband as they drove away.
"Suits you," smirked Sam as they headed out of town.
"Shut up, bitch," said Dean. "Could've been worse. Could've been Annie's training bra." He paused and smiled. "Besides, you know what? In five or six years time those little girls are gonna be my stable! You see that Lauren? She's gonna be hot."
"Yeah, yeah," said Sam, somewhere between fond and exasperated. "Hey, do you think we actually killed War?"
"I doubt it," said Dean. "I'm sure he'll be back, but you know what? He wasn't wearing his ring. That's a plus, and I think that school's safe for now. Maybe we can ask Death or something."
"You know, I don't think he'd be too happy about that. Let's not." Sam smiled at his brother.
"Yeah. For once you're right." Dean reached to turn up the music, and they roared away into their next adventure.
Author: candygramme
Artist: etoile_etiolee, who is absolutely the star that her name implies. She deserves much love for her work. Go and tell her so here
Title: "Don't Trust the Jerk in Booth 27"
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean, a bevy of little girls
Rating: Gen
Warnings/Spoilers (if applicable): Crack
Wordcount: ~3,300
Beta: The incredible spoonlessone
Author's Notes: The prompt I chose in the end was The brother of your choice has to go undercover somewhere where he gets adopted by a posse of dreamy, purple-sparkles-loving, squealy, adoring tween girls. He finds it harder than he ever would have expected to extricate himself… or want to. and I do hope you like the result. The thought of Dean 'educating' a bunch of little girls was too much for me to resist.
"I think I've found a case." Sam sauntered into the Batcave with a 12 pack of microbrew and a newspaper. Tossing the paper onto the table beside where Dean was sitting, he continued on into the kitchen to put his purchase in the fridge.
Dean gave a sigh and closed his laptop, reluctantly abandoning his busty Asian beauties for a few moments. Picking up the paper he began to read. It seemed that a very expensive private school for girls had been experiencing problems with a capital P, and Sam thought that they were being induced by an unquiet spirit.
"So you think that Casper is haunting the school gym?" said Dean as his brother returned bearing a couple of bottles.
""I'm pretty sure that's the case," nodded Sam. "Apparently the moment there are more than just a couple of people around, everyone gets mad, and violence erupts. The valedictorian is currently in the local lockup awaiting charges after knifing the music teacher during a concert, and there have been several instances of fisticuffs during school assembly."
Dean's brows drew together as he considered that. "That’s not the work of a typical vengeful spirit," he said. "You sure it's not just the youth of today expressing themselves in their own inimitable way?"
"I think it's worth checking it out, don't you?" Sam sat down in the chair opposite to him and raised his bottle to his lips.
For a moment, Dean closed his eyes, recalling a St. Trinian's movie he'd seen, way back in his formative years. He shuddered blissfully at the thought of nubile high schoolers and nodded. "Yeah, okay. Can't hurt."
~*o*~
The initial search through online information produced nothing that pointed to any unquiet spirit or vengeful ghost, and Dean, who had lost interest by this time, was beginning to sneak looks at his favorite porn site again.
"There's nothing there," he complained to Sam. "We should just go in and poke around. Maybe we'll find something in the gym itself. " He waggled his eyebrows at Sam. "Medicine ball made from human skin, perhaps?"
"I rather hope not," said Sam, pushing his computer away. "I guess we should go and have a look after dark. Maybe we can spot something actually onsite."
"Okay." Dean perked up at the thought of action. "I've got breaking into a girls' school on my bucket list. Let's go!"
Dean was cheerful as they drove the couple of hours to reach the school, and didn't even comment when Sam turned down the cassette he was playing, and okay, the soundtrack to 'Transformers, The Movie' wasn't one of Dean's noisiest, but it was up there for sheer ear-splitting menace.
Scouting around the school in the darkness should have been a simple task, but no less than three times the brothers had to drop down and hold their breath as yet another escaping young lady went over the fence. Finally, they identified the gymnasium. It was a satellite building set away from the main school and dormitories, with a covered walkway leading to it.
It was the work of a moment for Sam to pop the lock and let them both in, and they'd both gotten inside without any trouble at all. Clicking on their flashlights, the pair prowled the facility, peering into every corner, studying the equipment in the hopes of spotting anything that could be harboring an unquiet ghost and doing whatever they could think of to bring out any preternatural activity, but nothing out of the ordinary. The gymnasium remained merely a room filled with ropes and bars, smelling vaguely of furniture polish and sweaty socks.
"Dude, we've done everything but wheel in the Ouija board. This is getting us nowhere." Sam pushed his hair back from his forehead and stood shaking his head. "I don't think we're going to find anything tonight."
"Yeah." Dean sighed. "Big fat zero from me too. Nothing on the EMF meter, and the only reason my spidey senses are tingling is because I need the bathroom. Let's go find somewhere to regroup. Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett."
"Gone with the Wind?" Sam raised one eyebrow at Dean, a smirk on his face.
"It was the only thing on TV the other night. We have got to get HBO, I'm tellin' ya!"
~*o*~
"Maybe one of their staff members is a demon." said Dean, noisily chomping his way through his 'Lumberjack Special' breakfast.
"Or one of the kids," nodded Sam, pecking away at his keyboard with one hand as he scooped up a forkful of his omelet with the other. "We need to find an excuse to get in and rub shoulders with them," He mused quietly for a moment or two as he worked his way through his food. Suddenly he sat up straight. "This is it," he said.
"You found a ghost? What?" Dean slurped his coffee obnoxiously.
"The way in to the school. Check this out." Sam turned his computer so that Dean could see the screen. "This weekend they are having a career fair. All we need to do is pose as career counselors, and we'll be able to mingle with the kids, the staff, all of the above.
``Sounds like a plan.`` Dean said. "So you put the suit on and go in as a career counselor, and I..."
"Uh, no." Sam closed his laptop and pushed his plate away. "That's not how it works. " He counted out the money for breakfast and set it on the table. "We'll settle who goes in as career counselor the way we always do."
Dean groaned as they got up to leave. He really didn't want to spend the weekend in a suit with a bunch of girls. "You are such a pain sometimes," he complained.
"Yeah. So?" Sam climbed into the car and settled himself in. "You ready?" Rock, paper, scissors ended as he knew it must. It did so again as Dean called for 'best out of three,' once they'd arrived back at the motel room.
"Oh, come on, dude..." Dean attempted to emulate the forlorn expression made famous by Shrek's version of Puss in Boots. It failed.
"Dean, you lost fair and square. You're the one who gets to go help mold the young minds of tomorrow." Sam was smirking as he tossed Dean his tie and the schedule.
"Okay," grumbled Dean, filling his hip flask and daring Sam to say a word. "Where's that marked deck of mine?"
"You're kidding me, aren't you?" Sam looked a little worried.
"Sammy, my boy, I see my role very clearly now. If I have to do this thing, I will give it my all. I am going to prepare those young women for life!"
~*o*~
Dean had settled himself in his booth, stashed his bottle of Jack Daniels behind the desk and set his packs of cards on the chair where he would be sitting once the fair got underway. Emerging from the canvas cubicle he'd been consigned to, he set about mingling with the other participants.
There were a number of teachers present. Dean met the music teacher, whose arm was still in a sling following the knifing incident, and the principal, who was a dowdy little lady with a no nonsense manner who seemed anxious to get away from these intruders into her domain, and who actually did leave shortly after greeting him. There were a number of recruiters from companies in the area and several from local colleges and universities, but nowhere could Dean see anyone showing signs of anger, and in fact everything seemed to be mundane enough to be banal. It wasn't long before Dean retreated to his booth and treated himself to a slug from his flask.
The careers fair began slowly. Girls trickled in, some with parents, more without, and the fact that it was a boarding school meant that a fair number of the children were unattended by adults. Dean hadn't been sitting in his booth for long, when a somewhat skinny little girl with a scowl and braces approached.
"I'm Fiona," she announced. "What are you for?"
"I'm here to..." Dean thought for a minute that he was going to pass out. He really hadn't signed up for 12 year olds. Where were the nubiles? "Uh... I'm here to show you the way to never be broke again."
The girl, who had been rolling her eyes, seemed to perk up at that. "Oh, really?" she said. "Tell me more."
Dean, who had been twitching a little, took a deep breath. "Take a seat, little lady," he said and pulled out his cards. "Let me show you how to win at cards..."
An hour and a half later, Dean had seven 12 and 13 year olds clustered around the desk in his booth. He'd hung out the "Gone for Lunch" sign to keep others out, and there was a surprising amount of money on the table for a bunch of children so young. Two of the girls he'd somehow acquired, Polly and Hayley, had their heads together, and were taking notes, 'for the school paper,' said Hayley. Fiona had learned pretty quickly to deal from the bottom of the deck. Annie had lost all her money and tossed her sparkly pink headband into the pot in lieu of cash. Joy had sneaked a couple of swigs from his flask and was now red faced and giggling as she raised the bid again, and he'd reluctantly had to reprimand Lauren several times for hiding cards up her sleeve.
"Dude, if you're going to do that, you have to make sure nobody sees you. You looked way too guilty. Try it again and don't cringe while you're doing it."
Sarah, who had been somewhat reserved until now, gave him a smile. "I like you. You're like Mr. Sear."
"Oh yeah?" Dean raised one eyebrow as he considered going for another card. "Who's Mr. Sear?"
"He's the gym teacher," said Hayley, butting in. "I fold."
"Yeah. He's new, and he's good fun. He says that we should look out for ourselves, and that the whole 'teamwork' scam is the government's way of conditioning us to be sheep." Sarah pushed a roll of quarters forward. "Raise," she said.
"This Mr. Sear sounds interesting. I'd like to meet him," said Dean, covering her bet and electing to let his cards stand.
"He's great. He says that you have to survive by beating out the weaker ones in the herd." Fiona tossed in her hand and Lauren began to giggle. "Mr Winchester, I did it and you didn't catch me."
"Way to go!" Dean gave her a fistbump. "You in or out?"
"In of course." She pushed a couple of dollar bills forward and giggled again. Dean gave her an assessing stare.
"Just how many cards did you switch?" he asked. "God help me, I've created a monster."
There were more giggles, and then Joy, who had been swigging from Dean's flask again, rose somewhat unsteadily. "Going to the restroom," she announced and left the booth.
Lauren won the round and Karen was about to deal a new one when Joy reappeared. "Mr. Sear just came," she announced. "Do you think he'd like to play?"
"Maybe," said Dean. "Deal me out, and I'll go and ask him." He didn't wait for an answer, but strode over to the curtain and pushed through to survey the rest of the room. Across by the door was a man that Dean remembered all too well. Fumbling in his pocket, he pulled out his phone and dialed for Sam.
"Dude, get your ass here asap. It's War."
"Yeah. That'd do it," said Sam. "I'm just outside. I'll be there in a minute. You got a plan?"
"Well we can't gank him here. We'd be traumatizing about a hundred little girls." Dean thought for a moment. "Nope. I got nothin'. Just get here and bring the angel sword."
He slipped his phone back into his jacket and strolled over to where War was talking animatedly to the music teacher. Dean could hear him urging her to press charges as he sauntered up to the two of them.
"Do excuse us," he said to the teacher. "Mr. Sear and I have a career choice to make." He didn't wait for a response, merely took War by the arm and tugged until he was outside the gym in the covered walkway that led up to it.
"Dean Winchester, as I live and breathe," said War, beaming. "How very interesting to see you here helping to shape the minds of tomorrow."
"Yeah," growled Dean. "And it's pretty interesting that you're about to stop doing just that."
"That really is interesting." War smirked. "Erroneous, of course, but interesting nonetheless."
"Actually, dude, you're going to walk away from here right now, and never return, or..." Dean was interrupted by War doubling up with laughter. That was actually fine, because his paroxysms concealed the sound of Sam coming from behind to impale him on the angel sword, just as Dean stuck him with Ruby's demon slayer. For a moment, there was a rumbling as if an earthquake was about to start, and then War's body flickered two or three times and winked out as if it had never been.
"You think we crossed the streams?" asked Sam, tucking the sword back into his jacket.
"I think the school needs a new gym teacher," said Dean, turning to go back into the gym.
"Wait a minute. The case is solved; where are you going?" Sam frowned.
"I have some ladies I can't disappoint," said Dean, cheerfully as he pushed through the double doors to return to his booth. Sighing, Sam followed.
Inside the booth was mayhem. In the few minutes he'd been away it seemed that the entire proceedings had deteriorated. Joy had apparently found Dean's bottle of Jack, and was lying under the table singing something that might have been by One Division. Fiona had Lauren down on the ground and was yanking hard on her pigtails while screeching something that little girls really weren't ever supposed to have heard. Annie, who had lost all her money, had also lost half of her clothes and was in the act of flinging her training bra onto the desk, while Sarah was unconcernedly counting the stack of winnings she'd amassed. Polly was taking photos with her iPhone and Hayley had given up taking notes and was dictating into her phone as Polly filmed.
"Mr. Winchester, this will go down great on the six o'clock," enthused Sarah as Dean, somewhat stunned, bent to reclaim his now half empty bottle.
"Well, ladies," he said, looking around at the scene, "I think I have to go..."
"No!" At once, seven little girls ceased what they were doing and flung themselves at him. Joy gave his left knee a sloppy kiss before collapsing once again,
"You can't just go. We like you," said Sarah her eyebrows practically mating in her ferocious scowl.
"Well, I like you too, but..." Lauren flung her arms around him, cutting off his ability to think himself out of this particular predicament.
Just at that moment, the flap that covered the entrance to the booth was yanked to one side, and Sam, looking every inch a Federal Agent - or every other inch at least, considering the fact that his hair was brushing his shoulders - stepped through, followed by the principal. It was astonishing how rapidly the booth cleared. Girls fled under the canvas, and even Joy made her escape, hiccupping as she went.
"Dean Winchester, you are under arrest." Sam's pronouncement was less impressive than it might have been, because he was barely repressing his giggles, Dean could tell even if the principal couldn't. He would get Sam back for that later. "He's a desperate character," Sam said in an aside to the Principal. "He's wanted in five states for kidnapping heiresses and demanding ransom. Thank you for bringing him to my attention."
That confused the principal somewhat, but she murmured a breathy word or two of thanks anyway and fixed Dean with the kind of glare that would have most schoolkids skewered to the wall. Dean gulped, and then did the only thing he could think of to do under the circumstances and chugged a healthy belt of Jack Daniels to fortify himself.
"I guess you've got me cornered," he said to Sam. "Take me away."
"Well, don't just stand there," snapped the principal, and how could Dean ever have thought of her as mousy and colorless? "Cuff him."
"Y-yes, ma'am." Sam got out his handcuffs and slapped one onto Dean's wrist, hoping that she wouldn't notice the fur lining. He took the other and slid it onto his own wrist. "Let's go."
Thankfully following his brother out of the gym and over to the car, Dean was gratified to see his posse of little girls sneaking after them. "Sammy, we got company. My homies are about to stage some kind of rescue. Better stop and tell them it's okay."
They came to a halt beside the Impala, where Sam shed the cuffs, and Dean called out to them. "It's okay, ladies. I'm not in any trouble." One by one the six girls gathered around - Joy was understandably missing from the throng.
"Where are you going?" Annie, who had pulled on a jacket over her still naked torso, had tears in her eyes.
"Honey, Dean has to go and...ow!" Sam's reassurance died in mid sentence, because Fiona had kicked his shin hard, and then followed up by plowing in and biting him on the back of his hand.
"Hey!" yelled Dean. "Don't you bite my brother! You've been tested for rabies, haven't you?"
Fiona backed off, leaving Sam hopping as he rubbed his shin. Her blue eyes swam with tears, and Dean swallowed as he saw them. "Aww, come on, Fiona. Don't cry."
"I don't want you to go." She sniffed, and her nose turned pink. The other girls were all sobbing too now, and Dean wondered if this wasn't actually a worse torture than any Alastair had visited on him while in hell.
"He has to," murmured Sam. "He's got... ummm... Important work to do catching bad guys and things." He cleared his throat. "But he'll come back and visit you."
"He will?"
"I will?" Dean coughed. "Uh... I will. Too right."
"Well, okay." Annie reached out to him and pressed her sparkly headband into his hand. Fiona wrote her number on the back of his wrist, and Hayley, ever the reporter, busily captured the moment on film on her phone.
Finally they managed to clamber into the Impala and make their getaway, and Dean, sticky with little girl kisses, smiled and waved and wore the headband as they drove away.
"Suits you," smirked Sam as they headed out of town.
"Shut up, bitch," said Dean. "Could've been worse. Could've been Annie's training bra." He paused and smiled. "Besides, you know what? In five or six years time those little girls are gonna be my stable! You see that Lauren? She's gonna be hot."
"Yeah, yeah," said Sam, somewhere between fond and exasperated. "Hey, do you think we actually killed War?"
"I doubt it," said Dean. "I'm sure he'll be back, but you know what? He wasn't wearing his ring. That's a plus, and I think that school's safe for now. Maybe we can ask Death or something."
"You know, I don't think he'd be too happy about that. Let's not." Sam smiled at his brother.
"Yeah. For once you're right." Dean reached to turn up the music, and they roared away into their next adventure.