For People with Self Esteem/Destructive Behavior
This post is for those people on my list with Self Esteem issues and who practice Self Destructive Behaviors. I had a conversation with a friend who opened my eyes ALOT, I knew some of what he was talking about but simply forgot about it..swept it under the rug. Here is what he said to me after I told him that I couldn't forgive myself for being so mean to a friend many years ago in the past, so please...read this post even if you don't pay much attention to me normally.
"You can't help it if they can't forgive you
You can't hold a grudge against yourself
Which is what you do when you continue to let past mistakes weigh you down
All that does is cut open old wounds again and again
Every moment you don't forgive, you're just hurting yourself like you did the first time But you have control over that
There is no advantage in continuing to suffer,
you know it's completely juvenile
Think about it rationally
There are no positives in what you're doing
I'd go as far as to say that it's a sin to not forgive yourself
And you're a human being in control of her emotions
You are choosing to feel bad
You need to be stronger than that
I understand why people tend to choose to hold grudges against themselves
But you just have to let go :)
You know, I have self-esteem issues sometimes. Like today, I began to feel bad about some things that I have been struggling with. And I felt that I was letting myself down. But then I just thought, "You know, I don't have to feel this way. I don't have to think this way. I don't like how it makes me feel, so I'm going to choose to think about something else and feel better."
I've found that when I engage in self-destructive behavior or thoughts, it's because I feel empowered by my sense of control
That's why it is hard to get over depression. You get to the point where you like it
You feel like you need it.
You don't know what you would do if you didn't have control over making yourself feel bad because you don't feel like you have control over anything else.
And you're right about the learn/unlearn process
The problem with most people is that they fail to recognize how much they have learned. They would like to think that they are born a certain way, that there is no hope in changing"
Most people realize they have the power to UN-learn their behaviors or they have some sort of control over changing the way they feel but they simply do not do anything about it! For me it was too hard, too painful but you know what? it's worth making that effort because I'm worth it and the people in my life are worth it! Do not con yourself into thinking you cannot change your destructive behavior or that you are "stuck" like this forever. That's simply not true. The ways to break through and stop the "old record" that's spinning in our heads that telling us to resort to learned behaviors, is to find out why we behave in the way we do. Get to the root of the problem and that can take many years but it's worth doing. Therapy with a combination of meds/herbal meds can do wonders. Just recognizing that you ARE behaving in a way that is harmful to yourself is the first step. For every action there is a reaction and there are consequences for your behavior. Maybe you can never have any good relationships, maybe your parents treated you badly, maybe you can never seem to do anything right in life, maybe you can't find love, whatever it is, there are reasons why you are who you are today! As soon as we are born, we learn that certain behaviors get us certain things, we get a payoff from it whether it's pleasurable or painful. My payoff for being addicted to depression, anger etc was that I got to control my behavior which sounds a bit crazy when I think of it but my friend is exactly right. I wouldn't have known what to do if I couldn't control my own behavior, I had to be in control somehow so why not control how I act? The key is letting go and realizing you do not have to control your behavior in a negative way. You do not have to MAKE yourself feel bad, feel down, you CAN choose to think positive thoughts and do positive things. We are NOT born this way, we learned as babies and we can UN-LEARN.
I hope this helps someone today.
"You can't help it if they can't forgive you
You can't hold a grudge against yourself
Which is what you do when you continue to let past mistakes weigh you down
All that does is cut open old wounds again and again
Every moment you don't forgive, you're just hurting yourself like you did the first time But you have control over that
There is no advantage in continuing to suffer,
you know it's completely juvenile
Think about it rationally
There are no positives in what you're doing
I'd go as far as to say that it's a sin to not forgive yourself
And you're a human being in control of her emotions
You are choosing to feel bad
You need to be stronger than that
I understand why people tend to choose to hold grudges against themselves
But you just have to let go :)
You know, I have self-esteem issues sometimes. Like today, I began to feel bad about some things that I have been struggling with. And I felt that I was letting myself down. But then I just thought, "You know, I don't have to feel this way. I don't have to think this way. I don't like how it makes me feel, so I'm going to choose to think about something else and feel better."
I've found that when I engage in self-destructive behavior or thoughts, it's because I feel empowered by my sense of control
That's why it is hard to get over depression. You get to the point where you like it
You feel like you need it.
You don't know what you would do if you didn't have control over making yourself feel bad because you don't feel like you have control over anything else.
And you're right about the learn/unlearn process
The problem with most people is that they fail to recognize how much they have learned. They would like to think that they are born a certain way, that there is no hope in changing"
Most people realize they have the power to UN-learn their behaviors or they have some sort of control over changing the way they feel but they simply do not do anything about it! For me it was too hard, too painful but you know what? it's worth making that effort because I'm worth it and the people in my life are worth it! Do not con yourself into thinking you cannot change your destructive behavior or that you are "stuck" like this forever. That's simply not true. The ways to break through and stop the "old record" that's spinning in our heads that telling us to resort to learned behaviors, is to find out why we behave in the way we do. Get to the root of the problem and that can take many years but it's worth doing. Therapy with a combination of meds/herbal meds can do wonders. Just recognizing that you ARE behaving in a way that is harmful to yourself is the first step. For every action there is a reaction and there are consequences for your behavior. Maybe you can never have any good relationships, maybe your parents treated you badly, maybe you can never seem to do anything right in life, maybe you can't find love, whatever it is, there are reasons why you are who you are today! As soon as we are born, we learn that certain behaviors get us certain things, we get a payoff from it whether it's pleasurable or painful. My payoff for being addicted to depression, anger etc was that I got to control my behavior which sounds a bit crazy when I think of it but my friend is exactly right. I wouldn't have known what to do if I couldn't control my own behavior, I had to be in control somehow so why not control how I act? The key is letting go and realizing you do not have to control your behavior in a negative way. You do not have to MAKE yourself feel bad, feel down, you CAN choose to think positive thoughts and do positive things. We are NOT born this way, we learned as babies and we can UN-LEARN.
I hope this helps someone today.