marriage?......isnt it supposed to be about love?

[candyflossjade]

i dont suppose anyone will read this....
and i dont expect anyone to....
and if you do, then i certainly dont expect you to care.

there was a man.
whom i was going to marry.
i will always love him i guess. i dont know.
he got caught up in crazyness.
just bad things and the whole lifestyle that i would never want to be mixed up in.
let alone bring children into it.
you get the picture.
i couldnt save him.
i tried.
i tried so hard.
but in the end i had to save myself.
i had to.
is he marrying her for love?
or is he marrying her because she can offer him money.
she has a lot of it.
is he marrying her because he feels it is time to get married and the biological clock is ticking.
i dont think jelously makes me ask these questions.
but rather honesty.
and truth.
you would ask these questions if you knew him.
and a hell of a load more.
but i suppose the general idea is that she is good enough to save him.
to stop this lifestyle and sort his head out.
i think i feel most uset by the fact that he never faught for me.
yet..
he wanted to marry me?
he never faught for me.
although he doesnt know that i know about the prostitutes.
i always envisioned that maybe
just maybe
he would fix himself...
and fight for me.
but i wasnt good enough.
i wasnt even good enough for a broken man.
my destiny is alone.
and it is a fact i will have to face.
if we think of this in story terms...
fictional terms...
we are the main three characters...
him, her and me.
i will not interfere.
i will not.
im not like that.
so him and her will get married.
that is how the story goes.
the third character is left alone.
to die.
every day i live alone.
i get closer to death alone.
does it end soon.
or will it be a long drawn out painful death.
i am the final depressed character of my own story.
and perhaps i should draw the curtains.
Goodbye.