Candace - the chef without a can opener
On my flight from DFW to PHX to SFO, despite leaving two hours early, I arrived at the airport with only enough time to get my sorry self through the security checkpoint and directly onto the plane. Therefore, that bag with all of my books, liquids and kitchen gadgets (ma'am, why are you trying to board the plane with 18 knives and a cheese grater?) did not make it to San Francisco with me.
Now, you may have heard that I am flat fucking broke. So, I didn't want to buy the things I already knew I had. I was waiting for them in the mail, but in the mean time, I tried to get by. So I had jagged ass nails (because I knew I had a manicure kit) and dry hair (conditioner in transit), but I couldn't open any of my food. Why? No can openner!
So when I was in the kitchen, I found two garlic presses, but no can openner. I tried banging on it with a spoon. Biting it. Trying to puncture it with a knife, and for a moment got a puncture can opener that didn't do the trick. I called my mom and tried to look up how to open cans without a can opener on the internet. (Got a screw driver? NO! D:)
I tried knocking on the RA's door to ask, but she was like, "Nope *shuts door*." Friend of mine had one, but loaned it to someone else in the hall that wasn't home.
So I stood in the hallway, in my pajamas, harassing everyone who walked by the kitchen. There were a lot of international kids. So when I said, "Can opener," they repeated the words like they were a magic incantation. They I could see the gears turning as they translated those two words into something that made sense. Of course, no.
Then I managed to stop someone on her cell phone who gave me a rather complex kitchen gadget. So, I had a can opener +1. But didn't know how to use it. -2. So I again, did practically everything like before with this tool (little better than a rock when you don't know how to use it...) and finally the exterminator came downstairs to wash his hands.
I wondered why we needed pest elimination, but was too hungry to inquire. He just happened to say, "Oh you've got one of those fancy can openers," and I was like, "Yeah, but I don't know how to use it." And then, with dripping wet hands, he showed me how. At last! I could open my damn food! >:D He said something like, "Don't worry, this isn't sweat on my hands," but I shrugged it off, more or less wondering what kind of water soluble pestiside might be dripping off. Again, too hungry to care.
Alas, the girl who saved my food was no where to be found when it was time to return it! So I stayed in the kitchen... and I waited... and waited as long as I could. I finally had to go upstairs. And I kept it in my pocket every time I cooked, hoping to see her again because I was in the kitchen at pretty much the same time every day. Finally, though, she hung up a sign on the wall. "Whoever borrowed my black can opener - Please return it to room XXX. I can't open my food! Thnx! <3" I thought it was a little weird that on a hand written piece of paper, someone would write "Thnx," but oh well. It finally got home again.
I caved in and bought a new can opener in Chinatown. And then my other can opener arrived three days later. And in the kitchen yesterday, I saw that someone had placed an entire BOWL full of various can openers in the cupboard. Thanks! XD
Oh by the way, every time the super shows someone the kitchen, I'm down there cooking in my pajamas. So I called him out on it, and I was like, "Next time just introduce me as the chef!!!"
Now, you may have heard that I am flat fucking broke. So, I didn't want to buy the things I already knew I had. I was waiting for them in the mail, but in the mean time, I tried to get by. So I had jagged ass nails (because I knew I had a manicure kit) and dry hair (conditioner in transit), but I couldn't open any of my food. Why? No can openner!
So when I was in the kitchen, I found two garlic presses, but no can openner. I tried banging on it with a spoon. Biting it. Trying to puncture it with a knife, and for a moment got a puncture can opener that didn't do the trick. I called my mom and tried to look up how to open cans without a can opener on the internet. (Got a screw driver? NO! D:)
I tried knocking on the RA's door to ask, but she was like, "Nope *shuts door*." Friend of mine had one, but loaned it to someone else in the hall that wasn't home.
So I stood in the hallway, in my pajamas, harassing everyone who walked by the kitchen. There were a lot of international kids. So when I said, "Can opener," they repeated the words like they were a magic incantation. They I could see the gears turning as they translated those two words into something that made sense. Of course, no.
Then I managed to stop someone on her cell phone who gave me a rather complex kitchen gadget. So, I had a can opener +1. But didn't know how to use it. -2. So I again, did practically everything like before with this tool (little better than a rock when you don't know how to use it...) and finally the exterminator came downstairs to wash his hands.
I wondered why we needed pest elimination, but was too hungry to inquire. He just happened to say, "Oh you've got one of those fancy can openers," and I was like, "Yeah, but I don't know how to use it." And then, with dripping wet hands, he showed me how. At last! I could open my damn food! >:D He said something like, "Don't worry, this isn't sweat on my hands," but I shrugged it off, more or less wondering what kind of water soluble pestiside might be dripping off. Again, too hungry to care.
Alas, the girl who saved my food was no where to be found when it was time to return it! So I stayed in the kitchen... and I waited... and waited as long as I could. I finally had to go upstairs. And I kept it in my pocket every time I cooked, hoping to see her again because I was in the kitchen at pretty much the same time every day. Finally, though, she hung up a sign on the wall. "Whoever borrowed my black can opener - Please return it to room XXX. I can't open my food! Thnx! <3" I thought it was a little weird that on a hand written piece of paper, someone would write "Thnx," but oh well. It finally got home again.
I caved in and bought a new can opener in Chinatown. And then my other can opener arrived three days later. And in the kitchen yesterday, I saw that someone had placed an entire BOWL full of various can openers in the cupboard. Thanks! XD
Oh by the way, every time the super shows someone the kitchen, I'm down there cooking in my pajamas. So I called him out on it, and I was like, "Next time just introduce me as the chef!!!"