(no subject)
my glazed eyes
you know i thought i escaped alot by ending alot of friendships by cutting of people i never allowed myself to get close to, but what i saw march 9th in his eyes was something different, what i saw was pure hatred, its what i see when i look in the mirror, eyes glazed over, ready to break, waking up dying, and dying to wake up, you dont know what your breaking point is anymore, you dont know when you touch that nothing in front of you if it will ripple, and show you the difference between your reality and your fantasy, its like a last resort to find that feeling, that feeling of comfort that you know your life of hell and tourment and defeat is your reality or is it a figment of your fantasy you portray to be real and you say it so much and you see it so much that the imagery becomes real and there is no point of reaching out anymore, because your in too deep for someone to reach back, no arms can keep you safe no love can make you feel warmth, no smile can give you comfort, but what you see is much worse when you look into that mirror you see all your mistakes, your flaws your scars, your fears and you dont just see them, they see you, and it makes you realize how sad a life you have lived, how much life you have yet to live, and is there ever and end so that you can make new beginnings or do you have to tie them up and keep going, is there ever a new beginning? a point where you can get away and say hey... i was never there, i never did that, or this i have never experienced anything, i think i slipped beyond the point of being brought back with the grasps of my own capabilites, i think my fall was broken by my pierced heart, and whats left of my tourmented staggering soul is a small person afraid of lies, afraid of people, afraid of everything in the world good or bad, afraid of happenings, afraid of herself...
you know i thought i escaped alot by ending alot of friendships by cutting of people i never allowed myself to get close to, but what i saw march 9th in his eyes was something different, what i saw was pure hatred, its what i see when i look in the mirror, eyes glazed over, ready to break, waking up dying, and dying to wake up, you dont know what your breaking point is anymore, you dont know when you touch that nothing in front of you if it will ripple, and show you the difference between your reality and your fantasy, its like a last resort to find that feeling, that feeling of comfort that you know your life of hell and tourment and defeat is your reality or is it a figment of your fantasy you portray to be real and you say it so much and you see it so much that the imagery becomes real and there is no point of reaching out anymore, because your in too deep for someone to reach back, no arms can keep you safe no love can make you feel warmth, no smile can give you comfort, but what you see is much worse when you look into that mirror you see all your mistakes, your flaws your scars, your fears and you dont just see them, they see you, and it makes you realize how sad a life you have lived, how much life you have yet to live, and is there ever and end so that you can make new beginnings or do you have to tie them up and keep going, is there ever a new beginning? a point where you can get away and say hey... i was never there, i never did that, or this i have never experienced anything, i think i slipped beyond the point of being brought back with the grasps of my own capabilites, i think my fall was broken by my pierced heart, and whats left of my tourmented staggering soul is a small person afraid of lies, afraid of people, afraid of everything in the world good or bad, afraid of happenings, afraid of herself...