Insane Asylum (Part 2)
Title: Insane Asylum (Part 2)
Rating: M (just to be safe)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (ish)
Disclaimer: If only...
Summary: Written for prompt here.
A/N: Also... I kinda have no experience in an asylum or mental hospital of any sort. Almost did once... but I went to California instead. ^^ (For real.) I based it off of media, mostly. (You may recognize some of the things if you've seen the movie that I haven't seen in a long time and can't remember the title of... Anger or something like that. Manic - that was it. Also drew a bit of inspiration from Girl, Interupted - book and movie.) AU, and a little slashy... er, well, at some points a little MORE than a little... ^^
McCoy cursed security, grabbing the master key as he made his way to the confinement cells. “Put a damn suicidal boy in solitary - some kinda masterminds there,” he was muttering.
He would’ve said more, but in front of the room Jim was supposedly in stood the only Vulcan in the hospital. Spock was just standing there as if enraptured, fingers pressed against the cool metal of the door.
“Spock? What are you doing here?”
He didn’t turn around, but pressed further against the door, eyes closed. “His blood was making music and I was the only one to hear. It was quite beautiful, Doctor McCoy, but it has stopped.” His eyes opened, and McCoy was struck with an eerie feeling that he knew what the Vulcan was talking about. “Almost.”
Spock stepped away then, cleared the path and waved him on. “I would hurry if I were you, Doctor.”
McCoy fumbled with the keys, hands shaking in fear of what he might find. The door swung open-and his heart stopped. Jim was pale, too pale, and his blood was too much and too red. “Spock!” he called without thinking. “Help me with him.”
Spock pressed his fingers to Jim’s wrist, felt sticky blood but didn’t mind, counted the beats, low and far between as they were. McCoy tilted Jim’s head back, looked into glazed, unfocused blue eyes. “Jim? Jim can you hear me?”
There was a motion of swallowing, half-choking as he tried to speak. “Ngh… dead yet?”
“No, Jim. You’re not dead yet,” McCoy smiled, smoothing back hair as he took in the damage that would have to be prepared. He was just lucky that Jim hadn’t bled as much as he thought.
Spock’s fingers were still on his wrist, stopping blood as much as feeling heartbeats, and his eyes were closed in concentration, focused on the beating of Jim’s heart and the labored breaths he tried to take. McCoy thought it looked like he was listening to music.
“How long were you watching him?” he asked suddenly, glaring accusingly at Spock.
“It has only been three hours since he started bleeding, Doctor,” Spock replied coolly. “There was no reason to stop the music.”
“No re-no reason? He’s almost dead, Spock! Were you just going to watch him die?”
Spock remained calm, even as the emergency doctor’s took Jim away. “He would not have died, Doctor. He craves life too much, and love.”
McCoy looked on in wonder. He wasn’t sure he’d heard the Vulcan talk this much on anything, let alone another being.
Without thinking, he replied, “Like you?”
Spock leveled him with a look that McCoy would rather leave undefined. “Curious reasoning, Doctor, but yes, you are correct.”
-
It took awhile before Jim could return to group sessions, and even longer before he could leave the room unsupervised, much to Spock’s non-admitted annoyance, as he was usually the one leading Jim from session to session and so on.
Jim found he didn’t like the attention either, as he was being watched. Constantly. Even so far as into the same bathroom stall.
“Seriously, Spock?” Jim asked awkwardly, shuffling his feet as Spock stood by the door, eyes never leaving Jim’s. Spock, it seemed, even had to watch him take a piss. How romantic was that?
And watch Spock did, eyes traveling from Jim’s face, down to his hands, to the little trail of urine. Jim was positive his entire body was red.
Jim jerked off that night, and the night after, sure Spock was watching, and if not, then he was at the very least listening. He might have appeared uptight and unaffected, but everyone had a perverted side, and Spock seemed to like to watch, as he found out the third night, hearing rather than seeing the Vulcan wanking as hard as he was.
It was perfectly normal, Jim told himself, too teenage boys getting off with each other. Jim came with a shock at the sound of Spock’s voice across the room, moaned into the orgasm as his hips rocked. Spock was grunting now, and Jim wanted
very much to help, so he got up and knelt before Spock’s bed, opened his mouth.
And then he was swallowing hot green Vulcan cock. Jim thought it was quite possibly the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted as he opened his throat.
Spock fucked Jim’s face for most of the night, and by the time breakfast came, Jim found he wasn’t very hungry, the taste of Vulcan come still on his tongue and in his belly.
He wanted more.
-
Friday, Jim was smiling as he entered Bones’ office, which immediately made the doctor suspicious.
“You seem to be in a good mood today,” Bones grumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
“Yeah, you too,” Jim replied sarcastically. “Problems with the ex?”
Bones actually groaned. “Oh, you have no idea.” But then he brightened and turned his focus on Jim. “Arms healing okay?
Again.”
Jim laughed lightly. “Yeah, actually. And Spock’s keeping a good watch over me.” Bones was about ready to open his mouth, an apology of sorts, Jim supposed, but continued before the doctor could say anything. “For my own good, yeah, I get it. Annoying, but not without its benefits.”
“I don’t want to know.” A statement and a fact. “And I’m sorry about Frank. The nurses should have known better.”
Jim swallowed thickly but nodded. “It’s okay. I have to get over it one day, right?” It was bitterer than he had meant, but Bones got the idea.
“So, any depression lately? Or nightmares?”
“No, not really. Group sessions have been pretty fun lately.”
“Oh, you liked that did you?” Bones asked, snarky grin on his face.
Jim was silent in thought for a moment. “What’s wrong with Spock? Why’s he here?”
Bones sighed. “Jim, you know I can’t discuss other patients with you.”
“A guy can hope, right?” Jim laughed.
The phone rang and Bones apologized to Jim as he answered. He immediately wished he hadn’t. Jim could hear the voice on the other end and she did not sound happy.
“Damn it, Leonard! I thought you were coming over this weekend - you know she was expecting you!”
“I know, I know. It’s just… something came up.” Bones rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
“Something always comes up! Are you coming or not?”
Jim politely got up and left quietly, Bones giving him a nod of thanks before returning to the phone. Jim winced as the door closed behind him.
“Are you there, Leonard!”
Oh, he could totally understand why Bones hated his ex - Jim would too if he’d been married to that.
-
Bones was gone that weekend, and it told both days to plan it out and to make it happen. By noon on Monday, Jim had the radio in the break room, hidden so the nurses couldn’t get it. Everyone was there, including a few he didn’t know. He hadn’t told anyone, so it came to a surprise when music began pounding through the floor, dark, heavy music lightened by a violin or a cello.
It was perfect for releasing some frustration.
Hikaru and Gaila seemed to be the most into it, making their own grooves across the floor, no rhythm but having fun and laughing. Pavel hid in the corner, bit his fingernails as he watched.
Jim wasn’t going to have that.
“Come on!” Jim yelled over the music. “Let loose a little!” He grabbed the wide-eyed Russian by the hands and pulled him out to the middle of the floor, danced strangely around the couch until Pavel was laughing and twirling on his own.
Gaila pulled Uhura in, danced like lovers to their own beat.
Spock was silent by the windows, watching as Jim screamed in time to the song, jumping over the couch and between tables until he landed in front of Spock. Jim was pressed against him before he could blink, leering up in a manner most suggestive.
“Come on, Spock,” Jim whispered throatily. “Let loose a little.” And then he was backing away, daring the Vulcan with his eyes. Spock took the bait, rushed forward and pushed with a growl. “Come on,” Jim said again, and Spock pushed harder. “Come on!”
Everyone was jumping around now, pushing without aggression, like a spread-out mosh pit. Jumping and screaming and laughing. Security was standing my the door, not quite sure what to do, nurses wide-eyed with opened mouths.
And then there was Bones and Jim cursed. The radio was in the doctor’s hands, and though he looked amused, he didn’t look pleased. The music died as Bones pulled the cord.
“Jim?” he asked expectantly. “Care to explain?”
Jim was out of breath and he stopped in front of the doctor, a smile on his face. “We’re just having fun. A little bit of team bonding.”
Bones arched his eyebrows as Nero twirled around them in a long skirt, humming his own tune. Spock was behind Jim, chest heaving and breathing heavy. Chekov seemed to be laughing without inhibitions and Gaila actually looked to be interested in something other than sex as she tried to teach Uhura to dance like an Orion slave girl.
“Who wants to play ball?” Bones said suddenly. In his other hand he held their shoelaces. No one, it seemed, was sitting out this game.
-
In group therapy, everyone was laughing. Being a doctor evidently didn’t mean that Bones knew anything about basketball, as he had proven several times over. After he took back the shoelaces, though, things turned serious again.
“I like sex,” Gaila began, pushing her hair behind her ear. “But I don’t want it to control my life. I signed myself in here in hopes that I’d change, but it’s harder than I thought.” She smiled at them then, looking at each one like she was seeing them for the first time. “I think it’s working, though, being part of a team, being part of a family. I haven’t slept with any of you, and… surprisingly, I don’t feel bad about that.”
“I started failing classes and I stopped eating,” Uhura started, stretching uncomfortably. “My mom started worrying when I started throwing books at her. My appetite became more regular, though, once I came here. I just, stopped caring. It’s still difficult at times, but… I’m learning.” She finished with a smile, looking at Nero, who started with the same smile as always.
“I’m here because I’m a woman in a man’s body and nobody understands me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” He paused, gave a naughty grin. “That, and Ayel is just down the hall from me.”
“My eccentricities are more… anger management related.” Hikaru looked sheepish as he scratched his chin. “I almost killed a guy in fencing one day because of some offhanded comment he made in my general direction. Actually, thinking on it now… I don’t think it was directed at me at all…”
“I em… steel shy, but I hev learned improvement,” Pavel smiled toothily. “Eet is okay to laugh, and to love, and… I hev not quite became myself yet, but I will get there one day,” he promised, cheeks still aflame. “Also, Russia ees best.”
Silence fell after the laughter died, and Jim realized it was back down to him and Spock, and everyone was waiting. He thought for sure he’d have to go first, but was surprised when Spock opened his mouth and began speaking in quiet, clipped words.
“I am only half Vulcan,” he admitted shamefully. “My mother is human and worries needlessly, which explains the reason as to why I am here and sharing myself the way no other Vulcan has.”
Everyone stared in rapt attention. No one, it seemed, had ever heard this story.
“I am… conflicted,” Spock said with difficulty, forcing the word out. “I am constantly at a struggle between my human heritage and my Vulcan upbringing. I am not permitted to be myself, and yet that is all I find myself wanting to be. I have learned much in observing human actions here, but not yet enough.”
“That’s very insightful, Spock,” Bones told him, turning to Jim. “Jim? You’re the only one left.”
Jim let his head fall back as he took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I tried to kill myself,” he said simply. “More than once. And I became really reckless. For a while my mom actually thought I might be an albino Orion because of how much I slept around. I never used protection, either, didn’t see the point, I suppose,” he shrugged, tried not to glance at Spock as he spoke.
“My stepdad… he wasn’t a nice man. Nice enough, in the beginning, I suppose, but then they got married and mom started going off planet more, and his temper got worse. He did things, and then I started hurting myself. He made me believe I couldn’t be loved, that love didn’t exist. I still have trouble believing it now but… I think I’m getting better at it.”
Jim smiled then, one of those charming smiles that made even Spock want to blush. “And I haven’t hit any nurses lately, so that’s got to count for something.”
Bones leaned back in his chair. “My turn, I suppose? Well, my wife still hates me as much as I hate her, and you kids are still giving me gray hair, so… I’m stuck here too.” He smiled, and was glad when they all seemed to accept the joke.
They were all closer now, and things were beginning to move forward. The thing about this place though - one never knew when things would be put in reverse.
-
Jim and Spock had fought during recess, and no one could understand why. It had been a fierce battle that ended with blood and bruises to each of them, and everyone had been shocked beyond words.
Neither of them were on speaking terms, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that night when Jim stayed in the break room and watched infomercials until it was time for morning meds. And no one blinked when he didn’t show up for lunch.
By dinnertime, people were starting to worry.
-
Jim had stolen the keys from one of the security guards. It took a few tries to figure out which key was the right one for the front door, but it didn’t take long to escape. He almost expected someone to follow, so he ran through woods and fields until he found the road.
There was next to no traffic, so it didn’t seem too weird, he hoped, for a lone boy walking down a near abandoned road.
There was no one at the bus stop when he finally found the bench to sit and wait. And wait, and wait.
By night, there was still no bus and even less lights of passing vehicles. There was one that stopped, though, and he hoped he’d get a lift into town. His hopes were soon dashed as the window rolled down to reveal a worried Bones.
“Get in, Jim.” He sounded more angry than disappointed, and Jim was almost afraid of what would happen if he did get in the car.
Bones turned around, headed back for the loony bin with a firm scowl stretched across his features. “Why’d you do it?” he asked suddenly, not looking at Jim.
“Just needed to get out,” Jim answered half-heartedly with a shrug. “It was getting stuffy in there.”
“Right…” Bones didn’t believe him. Or, if he did, then he was doing a good job at hiding it.
“I’m scared, Bones,” Jim admitted quietly, rubbing his arms. Winter was coming early. “I’ve never been in love before, so I’m not sure what it feels like, if it’s what I’m feeling now, is Spock feels it back… It’s confusing and I don’t understand it.”
They were already in the driveway before Bones turned to him and looked him in the eye. “Jim… I’m not supposed to divulge information on other patients, but as a friend… Spock… it’s complicated with him. Vulcans are brought up suppressing everything, but its human nature to express everything. He’s conflicted by what he feels for you.”
“But he never talks about it!” Jim retorted angrily, slamming back in his seat.
“Neither do you.”
Bones had a good point.
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Jim was drawing into himself again, but Bones wasn’t going to let him go that easy. “I’m only a kid. There’s still adulthood to go through, and then the getting old part. It seems so impossible, thinking about it now.”
“Jim, maybe you should talk with Spock about this. He’d appreciate the conversation.” Bones didn’t mean to sound so dismissive, but he was tired and he wanted nothing more than his bed at home.
“Maybe you’re right,” Jim said as he got out of the car.
After he waved goodbye to his crazy doctor, he went inside, surprised at the lack of security.
He kept the keys, just in case.
-
The next morning, everyone knew that Jim and Spock had made up.
That same morning, everyone seemed to know that things would get better, and that life was waiting to be lived.
The day after, they planned to get ice cream down the road. Pavel was the least embarrassed about his excitement. And Gaila danced merrily around them while Uhura hummed a low tune. Hikaru and Jim playfully jousted with fallen branches Spock acutally held Jim's hand, even when Nero obviously teased them.
It would take time, but they could get through this. All of them, because they were no longer alone. They had friends, and family. They were family.
They could do this. They would do this.
"Hey, hey!" Bones yelled across the group, hands waving. "Hikaru, Jim! Put those goddam sticks down before you hurt someone!"
Damn kids were gonna be the death of him.