Merlin: Gwen/Morgana: So Happy Together
Title: So Happy Together
Series: Merlin
Rating: M
Pairing: Gwen/Morgana, Merlin/Gwen, Arthur/Merlin
Disclaimer: dis- (not); claim- (mine); -er (no, really)
Summary:Gwen/Morgana, based on Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Morgana stretched and sighed, blinking blearily at the sun coming in through the blinds. She must have drunk too much because her head was pounding but her body felt rather good. It could have been the silk sheets knotted around her thighs, or her tangled hair tickling her breasts, or the incredible shag she’d had last night.
Whatever it was, her morning jog called to her. Rolling over, she felt a hand slip around her waist, pulling her further into soft, downy blankets that smelled faintly of jasmine and sex. Firm, feminine breasts pressed against her back; slim fingers traced over her hip and dipped down into her navel. Morgana’s breath caught in the back of her throat, but her heart sped up as the hand began to trail lower and curled into the wet folds of her sex.
With nary a second thought, Morgana let her legs fall open and arched into the touch. A mouth found her neck and bit down; it would leave a mark without a doubt. Morgana found she didn’t really care and purred at the tongue lavishing attention onto the bruised spot and then continuing on down her shoulder. A moan escaped her; she bit her lip.
Suddenly, Morgana was pushed onto her back and the other woman was over her, pressing their lips together; she was almost scared to open her eyes, as if doing so would tilt her reality, so she kept them closed and dug her fingers into dark, curly hair and kissed as if her life depended on it. She didn’t know how the hair knotting around her fingers was dark, or how the soft, supple skin pressing against her own pale flesh was the color of hot caramel sauce.
She didn’t care to know how she knew, so she pushed it to the back of her mind and let the lust take over.
As her thighs fell open, a hot, moist tongue licked a path between her breasts and pressed a kiss to both her nipples, lingering for a moment before continuing downward, following the same trail her hand had taken earlier. A mouth fell upon her sex, the tip of a tongue teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves found there. Morgana arched her back and fought back a cry of shock as pleasure swept through her. Fingers found their way inside her and curled. She felt it was fair to say that if she woke up like this every morning, she’d probably stop jogging.
Sex was definitely better than running, by far.
“Please…” Morgana begged as her toes began to curl. “Oh, Gwen…”
The name slipped out unbidden and it made her freeze. Gwen’s mouth stopped too and dark eyes looked up, burning through her in question. “I wasn’t sure you remembered.” She shared a kiss that allowed Morgana to taste her own flavor; it wasn’t unwelcome, but then she remembered that Gwen was her boss.
Gwen was her married boss.
“Shit,” Morgana swore. She was never drinking again.
-
The second thing she learned working for Gwen was that she liked her coffee sweet, the first being that she preferred to be called Gwen rather than by her married name. “Besides,” she had said, “It makes me seem friendlier.” Morgana couldn’t disagree, especially with that warm smile sent her way as she handed over the mug that was more sugar than caffeine.
Despite being so nice, Gwen was surprisingly goal oriented. Apparently, so was her husband, who came in for lunch every Friday with a goofy smile and a wave for everybody. Morgana liked him immediately.
So that became the routine. In the mornings she’d run and meet her stepbrother for an early breakfast, run back to her apartment, have a quick shower, pick up coffee on the way into work; Gwen would delegate her tasks, have her make important calls, they would take lunch together and Morgana would make sure that Gwen left early enough to get a full eight hours sleep at home in bed.
Fridays were more lenient. When Gwen took lunch with Merlin, Morgana headed off to a café to have lunch with Arthur where she tended to regale him with sordid tales of her idiot boyfriends and he would helpfully comment that she’d probably find better candidates outside of sleazy bars and seedy clubs. And yet, he never failed to tell her how happy he was with his new boyfriend even though he couldn’t tell her his name.
She found it kind of fishy and a bit annoying, but she usually let it pass, especially when Arthur got that look on his face that told her he was head over heels, over the moon, shoot for the stars, completely infatuated and possibly in love with this secret fellow of his. It was actually really sweet and gave her hope that maybe someday she might find her special someone. But then she’d get back home and find her answering machine blinking with an inconsiderate break-up message from her last lousy lay.
Friday’s were Morgana’s party night. Everyone would leave the office early in preparation for the weekend; Morgana’s consisted of dancing, glitter, music, alcohol, and, if she was lucky, sex. Random sex was usually the best because there didn’t have to be that relationship awkwardness that seemed to follow her like a miasma.
One Friday, Arthur invited her out to have drinks. He’d also invited his boss and his boss’s wife. Morgana was a little bit more than surprised to find Arthur sitting at a booth with Merlin and Gwen, drinking beer and chatting amicably. She greeted each of them in turn, ordering her own drink and sitting down beside Gwen.
Over the next few hours, she noticed the looks Arthur kept shooting Merlin. She didn’t understand why when he was supposed to be in love with someone else and besides, Merlin was obviously married and in love with Gwen… despite the fact that he was obviously in love with Arthur too. Merlin stared at him with his eyes burning and lips teasing around the head of his bottle - in front of Gwen, no less.
Morgana nearly choked. She could hardly believe this. Arthur and Merlin, Merlin and Arthur, and poor Gwen left in the dust. But looking back at Gwen sitting beside her she found dark eyes piercing into her, paying no mind to the boys. Morgana, it seemed for the moment, was the center of Gwen’s whole world.
A few drinks later and she really didn’t mind that much, even when the four of them got a cab together to Gwen and Merlin’s place and drank some more. Soon after that, Merlin and Arthur left, disappearing behind a closed door, leaving Morgana alone with her boss.
Gwen didn’t stop staring, didn’t stop watching, and just when Morgana thought she could sleep even with the attention, she was being kissed and pressed into the couch. She gasped, and then there was a tongue, tasting her, testing her, and so she fought back. Hands slipped under her blouse, tickled her sides, slid up her skirt and tickled her thigh, teased and her panty line and then dipped into her wetness.
The movement shocked her enough that she startled and pushed Gwen off of her, but apologized immediately afterward and helped her up; Gwen tugged her to another room, her bedroom, Morgana guessed if the large bed in the middle of the room was anything to go by. Gwen pushed her to sit on the edge of it, trailed her fingertips over Morgana’s neck, collarbone, and then began to undo shiny, flat, pearl buttons.
The feel of the material sliding down her arms gave Morgana gooseflesh and she closed her eyes at the sensation as Gwen removed her shirt and pushed her back to lie fully on the bed and straddled her, burying her face between Morgana’s breasts. In return, she tugged Gwen’s tight shirt over her head and let tight, dark curls fall loose. They kissed again. And again and again and again and Morgana wondered when she had become the girl who slept with her boss.
Gwen kissed a burning path down Morgana’s stomach, nibbling at her navel, and mouthing where the lace of her panties met skin. When they were finally dragged down her thighs, Gwen’s lips followed and Morgana thought it was quite possible that she’d never go back to men again. It was sweet and sexy and mind-blowing and Morgana’s bra wasn’t even off the first time her toes curled and her voice tore out of her throat in excited ecstasy.
A moment later Morgana flipped them over and grinned feral-like. She’d never gone down on a girl before, only kissed in drunken fumbles during her college years a few times for a bet or two, and now here she was, about to make love to her boss - her very womanly boss - and she had no idea what to do.
Gwen must have sensed it because she smiled in encouragement and kissed along Morgana’s jaw, mouthing words against her ear. Morgana didn’t move from between her thighs, just settled down and nosed into Gwen’s dark hair; she could sleep here forever. Perhaps she meant to, because what felt like a moment later but was probably much later, Gwen was caressing her awake.
Morgana moved down slowly, wondering at what point in the night they both lost clothes and underwear and then pushed it out of her mind as she nipped the bend of Gwen’s knee and mouthed her way back up to the junction between her thighs. She buried her nose there and took in the hot, musky scent of Gwen. Tentatively, she licked between the folds and found that even though she didn’t particularly care for the flavor, well, she didn’t not like it either; Morgana followed what had been done to her earlier, remembering as best she could and reenacting.
Gwen, evidently, approved, and dragged her fingers against Morgana’s scalp and moaned. Morgana lapped at the juices and suckled the nub, grinning and trying not to laugh as Gwen twitched and squealed; she replaced her mouth with her hand and moved up to kiss Gwen until she came. It was a beautiful sight watching her come undone and then slipping into sleep with a satiated grin spread across her lips.
Morgana kissed her again before closing her eyes and following Gwen into dreams.
-
Morgana scrambled for her clothes, never minding the fact that she was naked and it was daylight and Gwen could see everything. God, what was she going to do come Monday? Gwen had seen her naked, had made her orgasm under her skillful hands, and had kissed her silly. God, how could she be so stupid? She had slept with her boss, her married boss, her female boss…
Surely, Morgana was going to hell.
She couldn’t find her bra, but at least she had her skirt and her shirt when she found her way out of Gwen’s bedroom and into the living room. Arthur was there, sitting on the couch enjoying what appeared to be a cup of coffee. He didn’t seem bothered in the least that she was there, or what she had so obviously done, but he did pat the cushion beside him in invitation until she sat.
“Do you know the great thing about Merlin and Gwen?” he finally said after too many moments of silence; he didn’t wait for a reply. “You know, they didn’t marry for love. I mean, they love each other, obviously, but Merlin’s gay and so is Gwen.”
Morgana shook her head, frowning. She didn’t understand at all.
“They’re best friends, is all. Best friends who live together and are married, but they don’t sleep together.” Arthur smiled fondly and took another sip of his coffee, ducking his head in a blush. “They made this pact when they were younger that they’d get married when they were twenty-one. I don’t even know why, but they did it, and now here we are.”
Morgana opened her mouth to speak, to say anything, but nothing came out, so she shook her head again, and Arthur continued.
“I met Merlin a couple years back. It was a rocky start, to say the least. We didn’t get along at all. It seemed every word he said to me was an insult and me being me, I couldn’t help but fight back. Then, one day, I saw the way he looked at me… and I punched him in the jaw.”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. It just seemed something very Arthur to do. “Merlin’s the one you hit?” Morgana remembered that story, the one Arthur had told to her during one luncheon in a fiery rage only to blush minutes later. That fight hadn’t ended in just a bruised face. Or two, rather, as Merlin had hit him back. “And a single kiss turns into… this?”
Arthur blinked at her and his lips quirked in a wry grin. “Have you ever just known? Kissed someone and just wanted to be with him for the rest of your life? That’s what happened. I kissed Merlin and never wanted to stop.”
Morgana didn’t say anything because she did know that feeling, had felt it last night with Gwen. Her lips still tingled from it, too.
“It doesn’t matter that Merlin is married to someone else. What matters is that he loves me, and I love him. What about you? What about Gwen?”
It was a good question. It was confusing, too, and Morgana found she didn’t really know how to answer. When the door behind her opened, Arthur stood and left for Merlin’s room. She heard curses that heard distinctly groggy and sleep riddled and couldn’t help but chuckle. Gwen sat beside her, gazed at her like Merlin and Arthur gazed at each other, and drew Morgana’s hair behind her ear in a loving gesture.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I took advantage and I’m sorry for that. But I’m not sorry for loving you. I could never be sorry for that.”
Morgana looked at her and tilted her cheek into Gwen’s palm, swallowing thickly. “I want to kiss you,” she said shakily. “I want to kiss you and never stop.”
Gwen’s laugh seemed a little hysterical but happy and when she leaned in for another kiss, Morgana didn’t protest, just smiled into it and let her head rest against Gwen’s. They sat there like that for a while until the boys woke up, or at least until they came out of their room. It was a little weird at first, sitting at the kitchen table with her step-brother and their bosses, but she figured it was something she could get used to.
Just like she could get used to Gwen’s knee bumping hers under the table, and the way Arthur rolled his eyes and poured a glass of orange juice for Merlin because Merlin didn’t seem to have any coordination before noon, and the way Merlin thanked Arthur for breakfast with a kiss.
She didn’t want to think about work, how awkward it might be on Friday’s to see the man who loved her step-brother, how strange it would be to see Gwen in her normal business attire when all Morgana would be able to think about was Gwen naked and open beneath her. So for now she forgot about the future, forgot about what she would tell Uther if ever he asked about grandchildren, forgot about the last idiot she had dated, forgot about guys in general. For now she decided, she would just hold Gwen’s hand and laugh with her as they watched Arthur and Merlin pelt eggs at each other.
Besides, at the moment, it was the only thing she found she really wanted.
Series: Merlin
Rating: M
Pairing: Gwen/Morgana, Merlin/Gwen, Arthur/Merlin
Disclaimer: dis- (not); claim- (mine); -er (no, really)
Summary:Gwen/Morgana, based on Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Morgana stretched and sighed, blinking blearily at the sun coming in through the blinds. She must have drunk too much because her head was pounding but her body felt rather good. It could have been the silk sheets knotted around her thighs, or her tangled hair tickling her breasts, or the incredible shag she’d had last night.
Whatever it was, her morning jog called to her. Rolling over, she felt a hand slip around her waist, pulling her further into soft, downy blankets that smelled faintly of jasmine and sex. Firm, feminine breasts pressed against her back; slim fingers traced over her hip and dipped down into her navel. Morgana’s breath caught in the back of her throat, but her heart sped up as the hand began to trail lower and curled into the wet folds of her sex.
With nary a second thought, Morgana let her legs fall open and arched into the touch. A mouth found her neck and bit down; it would leave a mark without a doubt. Morgana found she didn’t really care and purred at the tongue lavishing attention onto the bruised spot and then continuing on down her shoulder. A moan escaped her; she bit her lip.
Suddenly, Morgana was pushed onto her back and the other woman was over her, pressing their lips together; she was almost scared to open her eyes, as if doing so would tilt her reality, so she kept them closed and dug her fingers into dark, curly hair and kissed as if her life depended on it. She didn’t know how the hair knotting around her fingers was dark, or how the soft, supple skin pressing against her own pale flesh was the color of hot caramel sauce.
She didn’t care to know how she knew, so she pushed it to the back of her mind and let the lust take over.
As her thighs fell open, a hot, moist tongue licked a path between her breasts and pressed a kiss to both her nipples, lingering for a moment before continuing downward, following the same trail her hand had taken earlier. A mouth fell upon her sex, the tip of a tongue teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves found there. Morgana arched her back and fought back a cry of shock as pleasure swept through her. Fingers found their way inside her and curled. She felt it was fair to say that if she woke up like this every morning, she’d probably stop jogging.
Sex was definitely better than running, by far.
“Please…” Morgana begged as her toes began to curl. “Oh, Gwen…”
The name slipped out unbidden and it made her freeze. Gwen’s mouth stopped too and dark eyes looked up, burning through her in question. “I wasn’t sure you remembered.” She shared a kiss that allowed Morgana to taste her own flavor; it wasn’t unwelcome, but then she remembered that Gwen was her boss.
Gwen was her married boss.
“Shit,” Morgana swore. She was never drinking again.
-
The second thing she learned working for Gwen was that she liked her coffee sweet, the first being that she preferred to be called Gwen rather than by her married name. “Besides,” she had said, “It makes me seem friendlier.” Morgana couldn’t disagree, especially with that warm smile sent her way as she handed over the mug that was more sugar than caffeine.
Despite being so nice, Gwen was surprisingly goal oriented. Apparently, so was her husband, who came in for lunch every Friday with a goofy smile and a wave for everybody. Morgana liked him immediately.
So that became the routine. In the mornings she’d run and meet her stepbrother for an early breakfast, run back to her apartment, have a quick shower, pick up coffee on the way into work; Gwen would delegate her tasks, have her make important calls, they would take lunch together and Morgana would make sure that Gwen left early enough to get a full eight hours sleep at home in bed.
Fridays were more lenient. When Gwen took lunch with Merlin, Morgana headed off to a café to have lunch with Arthur where she tended to regale him with sordid tales of her idiot boyfriends and he would helpfully comment that she’d probably find better candidates outside of sleazy bars and seedy clubs. And yet, he never failed to tell her how happy he was with his new boyfriend even though he couldn’t tell her his name.
She found it kind of fishy and a bit annoying, but she usually let it pass, especially when Arthur got that look on his face that told her he was head over heels, over the moon, shoot for the stars, completely infatuated and possibly in love with this secret fellow of his. It was actually really sweet and gave her hope that maybe someday she might find her special someone. But then she’d get back home and find her answering machine blinking with an inconsiderate break-up message from her last lousy lay.
Friday’s were Morgana’s party night. Everyone would leave the office early in preparation for the weekend; Morgana’s consisted of dancing, glitter, music, alcohol, and, if she was lucky, sex. Random sex was usually the best because there didn’t have to be that relationship awkwardness that seemed to follow her like a miasma.
One Friday, Arthur invited her out to have drinks. He’d also invited his boss and his boss’s wife. Morgana was a little bit more than surprised to find Arthur sitting at a booth with Merlin and Gwen, drinking beer and chatting amicably. She greeted each of them in turn, ordering her own drink and sitting down beside Gwen.
Over the next few hours, she noticed the looks Arthur kept shooting Merlin. She didn’t understand why when he was supposed to be in love with someone else and besides, Merlin was obviously married and in love with Gwen… despite the fact that he was obviously in love with Arthur too. Merlin stared at him with his eyes burning and lips teasing around the head of his bottle - in front of Gwen, no less.
Morgana nearly choked. She could hardly believe this. Arthur and Merlin, Merlin and Arthur, and poor Gwen left in the dust. But looking back at Gwen sitting beside her she found dark eyes piercing into her, paying no mind to the boys. Morgana, it seemed for the moment, was the center of Gwen’s whole world.
A few drinks later and she really didn’t mind that much, even when the four of them got a cab together to Gwen and Merlin’s place and drank some more. Soon after that, Merlin and Arthur left, disappearing behind a closed door, leaving Morgana alone with her boss.
Gwen didn’t stop staring, didn’t stop watching, and just when Morgana thought she could sleep even with the attention, she was being kissed and pressed into the couch. She gasped, and then there was a tongue, tasting her, testing her, and so she fought back. Hands slipped under her blouse, tickled her sides, slid up her skirt and tickled her thigh, teased and her panty line and then dipped into her wetness.
The movement shocked her enough that she startled and pushed Gwen off of her, but apologized immediately afterward and helped her up; Gwen tugged her to another room, her bedroom, Morgana guessed if the large bed in the middle of the room was anything to go by. Gwen pushed her to sit on the edge of it, trailed her fingertips over Morgana’s neck, collarbone, and then began to undo shiny, flat, pearl buttons.
The feel of the material sliding down her arms gave Morgana gooseflesh and she closed her eyes at the sensation as Gwen removed her shirt and pushed her back to lie fully on the bed and straddled her, burying her face between Morgana’s breasts. In return, she tugged Gwen’s tight shirt over her head and let tight, dark curls fall loose. They kissed again. And again and again and again and Morgana wondered when she had become the girl who slept with her boss.
Gwen kissed a burning path down Morgana’s stomach, nibbling at her navel, and mouthing where the lace of her panties met skin. When they were finally dragged down her thighs, Gwen’s lips followed and Morgana thought it was quite possible that she’d never go back to men again. It was sweet and sexy and mind-blowing and Morgana’s bra wasn’t even off the first time her toes curled and her voice tore out of her throat in excited ecstasy.
A moment later Morgana flipped them over and grinned feral-like. She’d never gone down on a girl before, only kissed in drunken fumbles during her college years a few times for a bet or two, and now here she was, about to make love to her boss - her very womanly boss - and she had no idea what to do.
Gwen must have sensed it because she smiled in encouragement and kissed along Morgana’s jaw, mouthing words against her ear. Morgana didn’t move from between her thighs, just settled down and nosed into Gwen’s dark hair; she could sleep here forever. Perhaps she meant to, because what felt like a moment later but was probably much later, Gwen was caressing her awake.
Morgana moved down slowly, wondering at what point in the night they both lost clothes and underwear and then pushed it out of her mind as she nipped the bend of Gwen’s knee and mouthed her way back up to the junction between her thighs. She buried her nose there and took in the hot, musky scent of Gwen. Tentatively, she licked between the folds and found that even though she didn’t particularly care for the flavor, well, she didn’t not like it either; Morgana followed what had been done to her earlier, remembering as best she could and reenacting.
Gwen, evidently, approved, and dragged her fingers against Morgana’s scalp and moaned. Morgana lapped at the juices and suckled the nub, grinning and trying not to laugh as Gwen twitched and squealed; she replaced her mouth with her hand and moved up to kiss Gwen until she came. It was a beautiful sight watching her come undone and then slipping into sleep with a satiated grin spread across her lips.
Morgana kissed her again before closing her eyes and following Gwen into dreams.
-
Morgana scrambled for her clothes, never minding the fact that she was naked and it was daylight and Gwen could see everything. God, what was she going to do come Monday? Gwen had seen her naked, had made her orgasm under her skillful hands, and had kissed her silly. God, how could she be so stupid? She had slept with her boss, her married boss, her female boss…
Surely, Morgana was going to hell.
She couldn’t find her bra, but at least she had her skirt and her shirt when she found her way out of Gwen’s bedroom and into the living room. Arthur was there, sitting on the couch enjoying what appeared to be a cup of coffee. He didn’t seem bothered in the least that she was there, or what she had so obviously done, but he did pat the cushion beside him in invitation until she sat.
“Do you know the great thing about Merlin and Gwen?” he finally said after too many moments of silence; he didn’t wait for a reply. “You know, they didn’t marry for love. I mean, they love each other, obviously, but Merlin’s gay and so is Gwen.”
Morgana shook her head, frowning. She didn’t understand at all.
“They’re best friends, is all. Best friends who live together and are married, but they don’t sleep together.” Arthur smiled fondly and took another sip of his coffee, ducking his head in a blush. “They made this pact when they were younger that they’d get married when they were twenty-one. I don’t even know why, but they did it, and now here we are.”
Morgana opened her mouth to speak, to say anything, but nothing came out, so she shook her head again, and Arthur continued.
“I met Merlin a couple years back. It was a rocky start, to say the least. We didn’t get along at all. It seemed every word he said to me was an insult and me being me, I couldn’t help but fight back. Then, one day, I saw the way he looked at me… and I punched him in the jaw.”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. It just seemed something very Arthur to do. “Merlin’s the one you hit?” Morgana remembered that story, the one Arthur had told to her during one luncheon in a fiery rage only to blush minutes later. That fight hadn’t ended in just a bruised face. Or two, rather, as Merlin had hit him back. “And a single kiss turns into… this?”
Arthur blinked at her and his lips quirked in a wry grin. “Have you ever just known? Kissed someone and just wanted to be with him for the rest of your life? That’s what happened. I kissed Merlin and never wanted to stop.”
Morgana didn’t say anything because she did know that feeling, had felt it last night with Gwen. Her lips still tingled from it, too.
“It doesn’t matter that Merlin is married to someone else. What matters is that he loves me, and I love him. What about you? What about Gwen?”
It was a good question. It was confusing, too, and Morgana found she didn’t really know how to answer. When the door behind her opened, Arthur stood and left for Merlin’s room. She heard curses that heard distinctly groggy and sleep riddled and couldn’t help but chuckle. Gwen sat beside her, gazed at her like Merlin and Arthur gazed at each other, and drew Morgana’s hair behind her ear in a loving gesture.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I took advantage and I’m sorry for that. But I’m not sorry for loving you. I could never be sorry for that.”
Morgana looked at her and tilted her cheek into Gwen’s palm, swallowing thickly. “I want to kiss you,” she said shakily. “I want to kiss you and never stop.”
Gwen’s laugh seemed a little hysterical but happy and when she leaned in for another kiss, Morgana didn’t protest, just smiled into it and let her head rest against Gwen’s. They sat there like that for a while until the boys woke up, or at least until they came out of their room. It was a little weird at first, sitting at the kitchen table with her step-brother and their bosses, but she figured it was something she could get used to.
Just like she could get used to Gwen’s knee bumping hers under the table, and the way Arthur rolled his eyes and poured a glass of orange juice for Merlin because Merlin didn’t seem to have any coordination before noon, and the way Merlin thanked Arthur for breakfast with a kiss.
She didn’t want to think about work, how awkward it might be on Friday’s to see the man who loved her step-brother, how strange it would be to see Gwen in her normal business attire when all Morgana would be able to think about was Gwen naked and open beneath her. So for now she forgot about the future, forgot about what she would tell Uther if ever he asked about grandchildren, forgot about the last idiot she had dated, forgot about guys in general. For now she decided, she would just hold Gwen’s hand and laugh with her as they watched Arthur and Merlin pelt eggs at each other.
Besides, at the moment, it was the only thing she found she really wanted.