so here we go again my confessions
Im writting this story, its pretty intresting. Im kinda not looking forward to the end coz imma gonna cry, but hey its all good. Its the only way im dealing with it. I cant belive that its almost a year since eddie passed. its crazy and fucked up, but he you know shit happens. Damn
But anyways, today was good till got to work. I dont like Jon or melissa. Melissas a bitch and jons a douche but hey whatever. its all good. went home early, everyone went to the drive ins. they were gonan come and get me but they we already like half way there so i said no dont bother. So i went bought some food and pigged out for a lil while. Was falling asleep until Scotty came over. Stayed up for a bit while he was here. 2mmrows gonna be intresting no dought about that. Scottys coming over at some point in the day. Tony and lauren are coming home. Im so excited that Laurens coming over. I really hope she does or i'll be pisst. And shes bring tony i havent seen him in a few months. Then im chillin with bre then i have a birthday party *5 year olds party* to go to and shit like that. Then i have to work hopefully not too long. Then sunday comes when i see chris it should be intresting. got my pay check today and shit, it was kool.. i guess 113 buxs i have like 60 now. cartoons of ciggeretts are like 29 buxs a pecie. fuck that imma quit soon if that shit keeps up.
Im worried about Nicco wicked bad. really bad, i should be part of the blame... i was the one who got her to smoke again. I didnt give it to her. I didnt pass it to her, or ne thing. Didnt stand next to her. I told her i wouldnt do it, and when she asked me what i thought. I told her that i didnt think it was a good idea. Like ive told ne one from AA that was thinking about it. Bre drank but she doesnt get drunk, and she drank with me. Everytime she said she wanted to smoke i said it wasnt a good idea. coz i would have been a hypocrite.. Lauren well i used to do shit with her not ne more though. Nicco though i did it with her. didnt give it to her or pass it to her. And people got mad and i was like ne time you would think about drinking or smoking i said it wasnt a good idea. And that you really shouldnt do it and they were like but even still. I told her it was her choice and she chose to do it. Then she said she wasnt gonan do it ne more. And now look at her, all fucked up and shit. It was my fault in a way. She promised me she wouldnt go back to the way she was and she did she did im so scared shes gonna do something stupid.. i really am. I hope she gets help again before it gets worse...
And on top of that. Me and my dad had a very long talk about me partying and smoking way to much. And I told him i would cut down. I havent smoked in a while and i havent drank. its kinda hard lol going from partying, drinking, smoking all the time to just a sudden stop. Like theres a party going on rite now that i got invited to and im not going to. Im too tired ne ways. But i needed to stop or it was gonna get bad. And i have been trying :) whicc im somewhat proud of. I told him everything i was doing. Coming home fucked up, telling him what i was really doing at like 3 4 o clock in the morning, getting high or fucked up coming home. i smoked more then i got drunk. but even still i saw my dads look of like hurt anger and dissapointment on his face. And that my friends changed everything, i used to tell my bro yea im gonna quit im gonna stop but i never did. not until me and my dad had the talk. I think ive smoked once since then other then that i havent done ne thing. Im tellin you im glad i did it now. and not later on down the road. So i have done what i said i was gonna do. I was gonna party like crazy, i was gonna stay out late do stupid shit, do thing that i havent done before. Now theres only a few more things.
Sky dive
Club
move out
get a tatto
meet new people.
Really i really need to lol. People who dont party, or smoke. Im still gonna chill with them but just not as much. And i wont smoke with them. People who dont party arent my type, lol. But im gonna see if i can. The really only problem i had was weed. Drinking i did maybe 6 times this summer. Which suprises me but hey what can ya do? I'll still go to partys but i wont smoke, and i wont get trashed either. Thats what i told my dad. And he said good thats what i want. I dont want you to be fucked up all the time shit like that. so it was an intresting day that day. But anyways
today went to londenderry got lost with zane. He went to go get a piss test. hopefully he passes or some shit coz if he doesnt thats gonna sux. Then came back got my pay check and shit. But before i got my paycheck went to go see Justin. I saw his babie girl Autum. She fell asleep in my arms lol. Zane was like i hope you never have my kids you'll turn them into sissys. Justin was like " Shes good with kids" she wasnt crying or ne thing. And if she tried i was right on it. God he looked so hot today lol but i wouldnt really look at him coz his ex-g/f was there. shes up for 3 weeks so i wont be seeing much of him. eh i dunno what to do about him. lol im so bad i swear
So yea i cant wait for later on today im gonna get up early and chill with LAUREN!!!!! i want her to sleep over 2mmrow im gonna see if she can. And im chillin with the bre for al il bit. I saw her today for like 15 min.
My dad told me something intresting, he wasl ike if you keep cihllin with the same ppl you have your never gonan find a decent guy... i think he wants me to get someone. To see me with someone. Eh i want to but i dunno.. he wants me to be happy but ive been just like whatever why even bother. Im tryin with justin but nuttins come outta that yet. so maybe i might just let it go for a while and just see what happens with other people. It shocked me when he said that... eh i dunno. but yea this is like one of the longest post ive written in a while. leave some love * gotta get up early and shit*
Always
Ashleigh
But anyways, today was good till got to work. I dont like Jon or melissa. Melissas a bitch and jons a douche but hey whatever. its all good. went home early, everyone went to the drive ins. they were gonan come and get me but they we already like half way there so i said no dont bother. So i went bought some food and pigged out for a lil while. Was falling asleep until Scotty came over. Stayed up for a bit while he was here. 2mmrows gonna be intresting no dought about that. Scottys coming over at some point in the day. Tony and lauren are coming home. Im so excited that Laurens coming over. I really hope she does or i'll be pisst. And shes bring tony i havent seen him in a few months. Then im chillin with bre then i have a birthday party *5 year olds party* to go to and shit like that. Then i have to work hopefully not too long. Then sunday comes when i see chris it should be intresting. got my pay check today and shit, it was kool.. i guess 113 buxs i have like 60 now. cartoons of ciggeretts are like 29 buxs a pecie. fuck that imma quit soon if that shit keeps up.
Im worried about Nicco wicked bad. really bad, i should be part of the blame... i was the one who got her to smoke again. I didnt give it to her. I didnt pass it to her, or ne thing. Didnt stand next to her. I told her i wouldnt do it, and when she asked me what i thought. I told her that i didnt think it was a good idea. Like ive told ne one from AA that was thinking about it. Bre drank but she doesnt get drunk, and she drank with me. Everytime she said she wanted to smoke i said it wasnt a good idea. coz i would have been a hypocrite.. Lauren well i used to do shit with her not ne more though. Nicco though i did it with her. didnt give it to her or pass it to her. And people got mad and i was like ne time you would think about drinking or smoking i said it wasnt a good idea. And that you really shouldnt do it and they were like but even still. I told her it was her choice and she chose to do it. Then she said she wasnt gonan do it ne more. And now look at her, all fucked up and shit. It was my fault in a way. She promised me she wouldnt go back to the way she was and she did she did im so scared shes gonna do something stupid.. i really am. I hope she gets help again before it gets worse...
And on top of that. Me and my dad had a very long talk about me partying and smoking way to much. And I told him i would cut down. I havent smoked in a while and i havent drank. its kinda hard lol going from partying, drinking, smoking all the time to just a sudden stop. Like theres a party going on rite now that i got invited to and im not going to. Im too tired ne ways. But i needed to stop or it was gonna get bad. And i have been trying :) whicc im somewhat proud of. I told him everything i was doing. Coming home fucked up, telling him what i was really doing at like 3 4 o clock in the morning, getting high or fucked up coming home. i smoked more then i got drunk. but even still i saw my dads look of like hurt anger and dissapointment on his face. And that my friends changed everything, i used to tell my bro yea im gonna quit im gonna stop but i never did. not until me and my dad had the talk. I think ive smoked once since then other then that i havent done ne thing. Im tellin you im glad i did it now. and not later on down the road. So i have done what i said i was gonna do. I was gonna party like crazy, i was gonna stay out late do stupid shit, do thing that i havent done before. Now theres only a few more things.
Sky dive
Club
move out
get a tatto
meet new people.
Really i really need to lol. People who dont party, or smoke. Im still gonna chill with them but just not as much. And i wont smoke with them. People who dont party arent my type, lol. But im gonna see if i can. The really only problem i had was weed. Drinking i did maybe 6 times this summer. Which suprises me but hey what can ya do? I'll still go to partys but i wont smoke, and i wont get trashed either. Thats what i told my dad. And he said good thats what i want. I dont want you to be fucked up all the time shit like that. so it was an intresting day that day. But anyways
today went to londenderry got lost with zane. He went to go get a piss test. hopefully he passes or some shit coz if he doesnt thats gonna sux. Then came back got my pay check and shit. But before i got my paycheck went to go see Justin. I saw his babie girl Autum. She fell asleep in my arms lol. Zane was like i hope you never have my kids you'll turn them into sissys. Justin was like " Shes good with kids" she wasnt crying or ne thing. And if she tried i was right on it. God he looked so hot today lol but i wouldnt really look at him coz his ex-g/f was there. shes up for 3 weeks so i wont be seeing much of him. eh i dunno what to do about him. lol im so bad i swear
So yea i cant wait for later on today im gonna get up early and chill with LAUREN!!!!! i want her to sleep over 2mmrow im gonna see if she can. And im chillin with the bre for al il bit. I saw her today for like 15 min.
My dad told me something intresting, he wasl ike if you keep cihllin with the same ppl you have your never gonan find a decent guy... i think he wants me to get someone. To see me with someone. Eh i want to but i dunno.. he wants me to be happy but ive been just like whatever why even bother. Im tryin with justin but nuttins come outta that yet. so maybe i might just let it go for a while and just see what happens with other people. It shocked me when he said that... eh i dunno. but yea this is like one of the longest post ive written in a while. leave some love * gotta get up early and shit*
Always
Ashleigh