Every once in a while....
Every once in a while something catches my heartstrings.
It makes me remember the home ive never seen before.
It reminds me of the things ill never have.
someday.
someday...
I cant place these words properly.
I cant explain to you what it is i see in my mind, what i feel in my heart.
That summer bled me dry.
Its such a hollow tone, the sound it makes in the bottom of my heart. Like a low reverberating thud. I know its not really there, but i can dream cant i?
So what do i do now?
Where do i go from here.....
~~
Im not perfect you know.
I still feel his lips.
I cant erase all of this.
Im not god you know...
I can still hear his words.
I refuse to let him slip away.
~~
Something horrid, life altering, heart shakingly horrible is going to happen.
~~
I doubt any of you understand what i write. not in its entirety.
I cant honestly ask for that of anyone.
~~
So i love him still.
After all of this, the time inside that perfect place i created for he and i, after he denied me my heart... i love him still.
I hope it snows.
~~
I doubt i have a heart left to break.... but i can still remember the feeling.
~~
Ive got no reason for living.
No holy spirit to look forwards to.
Ive got no love to bind me
No dreams to hold me
No life left to live.
Ive not a single reason to live
But i can think of thousands to die.
~~
My whole world is shattering, falling in pieces around my feet.
I cant keep a firm grasp on this reality...
My dreams seem so much safer.
So much more sane.
~~
My dreams are dying, the stars shining out around my head.
I cant keep my vision clear...
And i cant feel your heartbeat against mine.
Ive lost nothing, and gained nothing in return.
~~
I wish you were here with me now.
~~
Its december all over again.
~~
I miss the way i used to feel.....
~~
I am.
I AM....
Abandoned.
Hidden.
Homeless.
Scared.
Simply....
Misery.
~~
I cant remember what its like to be happy....to honestly have not a care in the whole filthy world...
I cant remember not crying.
I guess he really has been gone that long.
~~
I wonder where ill break at...
what small thing will tear me into the unfixable pieces that i am destined to be.
I wonder who will to be blamed for my death?
"another tragic teen suicide"
its not the label i want to have.
I hope they all are to blame....
~~
Maybe its only me.
~~
He was the only one who made me feel at home...like i was...whole.
~~
My heartbreak affects no one other than myself....
I want the world to turn to grey.
I want them all to know the misery i am.
The tragedy i spawn from every life i touch.
I want them to all know....
What kills me slowly.
I want it to kill them too....
~~Kaza