Missing this or that, All in time, All in death.
This is all so clear....
Its a silent type of tragedy.
the kind that tears at your very being, making the barely stable core that you had shake and tremble under the sheer force of it
The kind that makes you want to tear the walls down in a screaming passion
Oh how i love my sweet misery...
But is it worth it?
~~
Where did i go wrong?
What sign did i miss?
I know.
I know.
Ive paid dearly for my mistakes and i will continue to do so...
Until hes in my arms.
~
What do you do when you can barely stand yourself?
When your thoughts of death are due to aggravation and not depression?
What do you do when the sorrow finally takes over?
When you know exactly what you want, but your not able to sacrifice what you must?
~~
I dont want to see this anymore.
~~
Together we'll rule our world.
Together we'll rule theirs too.
~~
Quietly Anticipating
That which was to come.
~~
Ive gone from this world, for good this time.
I dont think i was ever meant for this barren industrial sea.
With her here its completely different, its like stepping into someplace new and exciting, someplace ive never even deampt up.
Its like all my misery incarnate. Like all my bad dreams, put into the world of the living.
Like im stuck here...
I love every single second.
~~
Perfectly. His eyes.....thats what they did..they shone perfectly.
~~
Six Figures enter. Theyve come to destroy the world.
I awake in another place... more unheard words.
~~
And i found you there.
And i remember you only, there.
I saw those eyes for the first time, shut so serenly, hiding behind the thick black overgrowth, the thorns and ashes of all the mistakes you had made before.
Im afraid to say it...
I dont want to say it....
Your fire made it all worthwhile.
I passed myself along the way... along the way to find your eyes.
My knees fell to the damp ground, charcoal colored ash clinging and blending with the tattered fabric coating my skin. You made me so weak in those few moments... i couldnt stand, i couldnt stand to breath. I had to see your heart beating under your skin, under your sin.
WHen it all comes to an end, your eyes were all i wanted.
~~
I feel like im tipping sideways, falling...spinning.
I feel like my heart is slowing to an unbearable pace.
~~
I cant write any of this right now... She doesnt know it and i know she cant see it....but my hearts breaking all over again.
Maybe she just doesnt want to...or maybe i dont want her to.
~~
My entire being is throbbing, aching for some long past source of nourishment.
I miss the lovers i had in new york, the beautiful faced monsters that so lovingly cared for me.
i miss him
~~
there are three lines that have stuck with me for a long while now...
"At my time of death theres one special person i remember, tommorow ill become ashes, return to dust"
"hey, smile, dont cry any more, from her on out, ill always be watching you"
"My heart left me with a belief in strength, my own heart killed me."
~~
Nothing is truer than misery.
No color shows so bold as sorrow.
And yet we paint our self portraits in shades of blacks and greys...
My question is, where....is all the yellow?
~~
i apologize now for my horrid lines, and the lack of skill my writing shows...