To whom it concerns.
lets see if i can write a normal, unpoetical (not a word i know) post. an update. who knows it may work
First of all here is an apology to those of you who (i know dont read) read to see yukis posts. hes gone quite silent on me. he hasnt honestly been that depressed lately due to the love of his life, Rainier. so a thank you to him.
Ive been...shakey. not nearly as bothered as usual but im still sitting on a horridly unstable core.
I havent thought about Him lately....infact i dont think ive cried in a long while. it makes me worry honestly. my emotions have been blurred lately, sort of pushed together, they all seem the same. its eerie.
i woke up yesterday at 7 pm after falling asleep around 10am that morning..and i sighed, looking out the window. its been raining everywhere lately. and ive been sleeping all these perfect days away.it finally sunk in i guess. its almost fall.
and yet again like every day im fighting with gender issues... with image issues...hell issues with everything. how am i supposed to know that this is the gender i was meant for? how do i know that this body is really mine? it doesnt make much sense to me anymore..i guess it never really did. even as a child i was confused about it... i dont feel right like this. but i think about it and i wouldnt fit the opposite gender either. why cant i be neither? or both?
a friend brought up the possibility of a sex change and i was thikning about it...and even that makes my head spin. i love what i have with all the men i know..and i dont want to give that up...i want so badly what they have with women..but i cant sacrifice. i feel pathetic.
ive been stuck on winter lately..even though im estatic about fall being here.. ive wanted ice on my fingertips... snow on the windowsil... i think im lost.
and i want peanut butter toast.
First of all here is an apology to those of you who (i know dont read) read to see yukis posts. hes gone quite silent on me. he hasnt honestly been that depressed lately due to the love of his life, Rainier. so a thank you to him.
Ive been...shakey. not nearly as bothered as usual but im still sitting on a horridly unstable core.
I havent thought about Him lately....infact i dont think ive cried in a long while. it makes me worry honestly. my emotions have been blurred lately, sort of pushed together, they all seem the same. its eerie.
i woke up yesterday at 7 pm after falling asleep around 10am that morning..and i sighed, looking out the window. its been raining everywhere lately. and ive been sleeping all these perfect days away.it finally sunk in i guess. its almost fall.
and yet again like every day im fighting with gender issues... with image issues...hell issues with everything. how am i supposed to know that this is the gender i was meant for? how do i know that this body is really mine? it doesnt make much sense to me anymore..i guess it never really did. even as a child i was confused about it... i dont feel right like this. but i think about it and i wouldnt fit the opposite gender either. why cant i be neither? or both?
a friend brought up the possibility of a sex change and i was thikning about it...and even that makes my head spin. i love what i have with all the men i know..and i dont want to give that up...i want so badly what they have with women..but i cant sacrifice. i feel pathetic.
ive been stuck on winter lately..even though im estatic about fall being here.. ive wanted ice on my fingertips... snow on the windowsil... i think im lost.
and i want peanut butter toast.