(no subject)
So im laying in the hammock, listening to my ipod, singin john mayer songs and swaying in the breeze. Its two in the morning and the smell of spring lingers around me. The temperature is just perfect enough to be wearing shorts and a sweater, And mint chocolate chip ice cream is making this the most perfect moment in the world.
But something is missing.
Someone maybe.
And yea if you know me at all- you know that I pushed them away in a fury of my own mistakes that they were willing to forgive.
And I did. Its only been two weeks and he wants to come back. New York is far away, But I'm even further. And its not like I planned this or even wanted it to happen but I'm stupid enough to follow my heart at every passing turn, and my friends are wonderful enough to stick by me no matter what i do. And he is of course my best friend.
So i stayed in Boston. And I'm still in school. And maybe you think I should regret this, but thats the beauty in follwing your heart. What seems like mistakes now, I will know forever arent mistakes at all. Because I say how I feel and I do what I want at the moment and theres no reason to take back what was once true.
This all feels like when you wake up from a deep sleep and you can still remember your dream like it actually happend, and its hard to tell whats real and just a dream, just that one little moment where you think you can just fall back asleep and pick up where you left off. Ive felt like this all week. And I still go to work and i still laugh with the kids, and smile at the parents. But I always wondered how they would feel if they knew that smile was fake and I wasnt really happy at all. Maybe they would feel bad for me. Maybe they would understand. Maybe they wear a fake smile and arent happy at all.
Maybe everyone has that fake smile. Like 'I feel like I could crumble into pieces but the story is way too long so I'll just smile until you leave, make you think I'm just fine'
I know what I need to do. But its so very much the exact opposite of what I want.
Reality- here I come.
But something is missing.
Someone maybe.
And yea if you know me at all- you know that I pushed them away in a fury of my own mistakes that they were willing to forgive.
And I did. Its only been two weeks and he wants to come back. New York is far away, But I'm even further. And its not like I planned this or even wanted it to happen but I'm stupid enough to follow my heart at every passing turn, and my friends are wonderful enough to stick by me no matter what i do. And he is of course my best friend.
So i stayed in Boston. And I'm still in school. And maybe you think I should regret this, but thats the beauty in follwing your heart. What seems like mistakes now, I will know forever arent mistakes at all. Because I say how I feel and I do what I want at the moment and theres no reason to take back what was once true.
This all feels like when you wake up from a deep sleep and you can still remember your dream like it actually happend, and its hard to tell whats real and just a dream, just that one little moment where you think you can just fall back asleep and pick up where you left off. Ive felt like this all week. And I still go to work and i still laugh with the kids, and smile at the parents. But I always wondered how they would feel if they knew that smile was fake and I wasnt really happy at all. Maybe they would feel bad for me. Maybe they would understand. Maybe they wear a fake smile and arent happy at all.
Maybe everyone has that fake smile. Like 'I feel like I could crumble into pieces but the story is way too long so I'll just smile until you leave, make you think I'm just fine'
I know what I need to do. But its so very much the exact opposite of what I want.
Reality- here I come.