(no subject)
three years ago today i walked down an aisle dressed in white on a saturday afternoon.
the day is still a blur, i suppose i'll never really get those memories back. i am thankful to people who were not me who took pictures. including the guy we paid to take pictures who i remember looking adorable like he was wearing the only "formal clothes" he owned and he wanted to go home and resume planting mint or whatever hippyish photographers do on their off time. but more than him i thank all the people i didn't ask to take pictures who did anyway, and then gave them to me.
so i painted my nails pink. if you look in my closet (remember i'm moving saturday) the only thing in there are the clothes jesse is wearing to work the rest of the week and what i'm wearing tonight. pink little sparkly shirt, black skirt. i haven't packed my high-heeled shoes so i'll be in those tonight too. there's also an iron on the floor of my closet which i haven't figured out how to pack yet.
three years. do i have any advice for those who are in relationships? uh, no. that is the one thing i have learned if nothing else. that i did not have a clue what i was doing, walking down the aisle on my father's arm, afternoon sun pouring through the long church windows. that doesn't mean it hasn't been fun making it up as we go along. and when it hasn't been fun, because relationships aren't easy and anyone who says they are is selling a self-help book, it has made us stronger as a couple and as individuals.
together we have carved out little traditions for our lives. weekend coffee cups, which we never use during the week, but always use on the weekend. the mish-mosh of randomness that creeps on to our fridge; cartoon clipings, law agency magnets, a monkey with magnetic feet (thanks Jess of Alaska). laughing at all times in the kitchen. there's one thing. laughter is hard-wired into kitchens. if you live with someone and you aren't laughing in the kitchen you both should move into a different apartment together.
me? i've changed this year. i've been out of touch with most of you. my letter writing has slacked off which i promise will improve in tallahassee. but this year i learned that no one can make me happy. that is something that i have to create myself. and no, i'm not writing a self-help book, but as garbled and trite as this is, it is true. i am learning to create my own sunshine and to worry less about the people i love. my relationships with anyone (jesse, my mother, you) do not define me - they enhance me. and that is one of the hardest things i have ever shoved into my thick head. and i can also say i am alot happier now than i used to be. my hormones still take charge every so often and insist that the heavens are raining down fire and i would be better off in bed, or screw that, under the bed with a flashlight, but that wanes after a few days or a week and the sun comes out again.
this saturday we're setting off on yet another adventure in another town. another caravan of boxes and vehicles. one thing that makes me happy, truly happy, is that each new adenture we take together makes me excited. he is the one i want to explore this life i get with. and that is something to be thankful for.
gee, i should have written all this in his card.
the day is still a blur, i suppose i'll never really get those memories back. i am thankful to people who were not me who took pictures. including the guy we paid to take pictures who i remember looking adorable like he was wearing the only "formal clothes" he owned and he wanted to go home and resume planting mint or whatever hippyish photographers do on their off time. but more than him i thank all the people i didn't ask to take pictures who did anyway, and then gave them to me.
so i painted my nails pink. if you look in my closet (remember i'm moving saturday) the only thing in there are the clothes jesse is wearing to work the rest of the week and what i'm wearing tonight. pink little sparkly shirt, black skirt. i haven't packed my high-heeled shoes so i'll be in those tonight too. there's also an iron on the floor of my closet which i haven't figured out how to pack yet.
three years. do i have any advice for those who are in relationships? uh, no. that is the one thing i have learned if nothing else. that i did not have a clue what i was doing, walking down the aisle on my father's arm, afternoon sun pouring through the long church windows. that doesn't mean it hasn't been fun making it up as we go along. and when it hasn't been fun, because relationships aren't easy and anyone who says they are is selling a self-help book, it has made us stronger as a couple and as individuals.
together we have carved out little traditions for our lives. weekend coffee cups, which we never use during the week, but always use on the weekend. the mish-mosh of randomness that creeps on to our fridge; cartoon clipings, law agency magnets, a monkey with magnetic feet (thanks Jess of Alaska). laughing at all times in the kitchen. there's one thing. laughter is hard-wired into kitchens. if you live with someone and you aren't laughing in the kitchen you both should move into a different apartment together.
me? i've changed this year. i've been out of touch with most of you. my letter writing has slacked off which i promise will improve in tallahassee. but this year i learned that no one can make me happy. that is something that i have to create myself. and no, i'm not writing a self-help book, but as garbled and trite as this is, it is true. i am learning to create my own sunshine and to worry less about the people i love. my relationships with anyone (jesse, my mother, you) do not define me - they enhance me. and that is one of the hardest things i have ever shoved into my thick head. and i can also say i am alot happier now than i used to be. my hormones still take charge every so often and insist that the heavens are raining down fire and i would be better off in bed, or screw that, under the bed with a flashlight, but that wanes after a few days or a week and the sun comes out again.
this saturday we're setting off on yet another adventure in another town. another caravan of boxes and vehicles. one thing that makes me happy, truly happy, is that each new adenture we take together makes me excited. he is the one i want to explore this life i get with. and that is something to be thankful for.
gee, i should have written all this in his card.