Jan 25, 2007 23:02
I must first warn you. If you read this be prepared for the emotionality of this entire waste of time im about to take. I just got done watching SERENDIPITY. One of the best romance films i have ever seen. It is Dead Even with best movie of all time: What dreams may come.
Anyway, Holy crap. Maybe I shoulda waited on this watching of the movie. I just got a big wooosh of emotions I can barely control. I am speechless yet compelled to just freakin speak out how i feel to everyone. Gah. I should just go to bed damnit. But i just cant help feeling like... I just want to love .... but not just anyone. One person. call me immature but fuck it. I want someone just like in the movie. A soulmate. If there is such a thing. I want fate, again if there is such a thing, to get me to that point already. Fuck the whole getting education and a job and shit. I dont care about that. I mean, sure its good to plan for that and get somewhere but what the hell. I would work eight jobs if it meant I could be happy with a soulmate. To know that no matter what we were destined to be together and happy. And just love one another. I feel like a whiny bitch because some of the best people i know deserve this so much more than I . I have to blame it on myself now though because I cant seeem to control this emotion.
Argh... Im passsing out soon. I cant take this. Im being overwhelmed with feeling. Didnt see this coming. Right now i just feel like spilling my guts. So why the hell not. Why do I not spill my guts. I dont get it. I never speak out when I should. to anyone. Gah. I have been working on this since aldrich and I cant seem to break it. What the hell. And whats worse and now, not only do I remain quiet but I cant control feeling. There is just this power or motivation in me that runs freely and pressures me about several people. Some more so than others and as many know, one overall. I cant get past it.....
I dont know why.... Gah...... gotta catch focus... gotta get back to the way things were.... back to the basics......
ok in fear that I completely overrun this entry with stupidity, im retiring for the evening. good night.
-dasvidanya