Im bringing sexy back.....
SO. I'm back. Thats right. I have gotten so bored. I have come back to the land of journals. HAH! Well, it does seem that some of you still look this. So I guess you will just have one more site to visit while you are online from now on. Be aware though. This journal will indeed just be a place for an excretion of things on my mind and feelings. So be aware an excess amount of crap could be spelled out here. All of which you have no need to read and busy yourself with. lol. So, i give the choice to read to you. Choose wisely.
Now without further adieu, time to bitch..... lol.
Ok, so what the hell, i feel like GAH! Like Ive no idea how to express. Im so overwhelmed with whats going on right now to try to even think about what Im doing for the rest of my life. And thats the question everyone here is asking. Hell, All I can think to is moving back to RI and going to either RIC or URI and thats about it. I don't understand how so many can just be like yea Im doing this and that and be set. I... just cant do that. I guess you can call it living in the moment. But thats just an excuse for not coming up with a plan to follow through on. All I can think about is getting back to RI. Its like, I could be a bum on the street and I wouldnt care because I would be apart of everyones world again. Now im not saying I want to be a bum, Im merely just stating the difference between wanting to do something with my life and really just being apart of such great peoples lives.
Perhaps I just need a good slap. I dont know. All I know, is from here, I have to focus on something. And since everyone is back in RI, School shall be what I focus even more so on. I think though the plan will go as this..
Get through semester. Get to RI, attend URI or RIC. Live on Campus. Work somewhere. See if uncle can get a good car for cheapness.
Sounds like a plan huh..... well... plans never go as easily as they should. I expect trouble to fumble my plans somewhere.
I just need to focus. I have much to accomplish.
Whew..... i feel a little better...... I still have this whole Natalie thing on my mind. I'm such a horrible person. But they always say that you can only go up when you are at the bottom. And let me tell you... Im down there. I'm tired of dealing with women, or rather allow someone to have such control on me. And yet.... im contradicting the crap outta myself because I cant stop my feelings and i know they are gonna do as they please. As they have already. So, gah... I don't know ... just gonna have to go one day at a time i gather....
I really miss RI..... hell its been one day and I just want to go back.....I wonder if the peeps in RI really understand just how much they mean to me.... I sometimes question if I even know....
Neil was right with the whole personal zen thing.... but... im at one with myself.... I just feel as though im not complete without those from RI....and at times those from Pensacola... I sometimes wonder just how my being became so dependent on relations and the relationships I have with people and friends. Its strange cuz I'm including everyone from those I am closest to and those I have even spoken to in years.....
Its bad and yet its good to be in the position I am. Because I can exist and move on alone should I need to. I have done it. I can do it. I just cant do it for long because I like to be apart of others' lives. Maybe its my sub-conscious way of implanting myself into history to be remembered or something... I don't know.....
Speaking of sub-conscious and such. Should I even be a damn Psych Major? Hell if I know. Theres too much to consider. Maybe Ill just go for a business degree.... You can do alot with it... But I just wish there was an easier answer as to what I should do so im not a failure in the future. Oh btw, if I do become one of those I give everyone permission to kick my ass lol.
Anyway, Its the first day of school and I have a boat load of work to get done. So im gonna do it.... peace out.
dasvidanya
Now without further adieu, time to bitch..... lol.
Ok, so what the hell, i feel like GAH! Like Ive no idea how to express. Im so overwhelmed with whats going on right now to try to even think about what Im doing for the rest of my life. And thats the question everyone here is asking. Hell, All I can think to is moving back to RI and going to either RIC or URI and thats about it. I don't understand how so many can just be like yea Im doing this and that and be set. I... just cant do that. I guess you can call it living in the moment. But thats just an excuse for not coming up with a plan to follow through on. All I can think about is getting back to RI. Its like, I could be a bum on the street and I wouldnt care because I would be apart of everyones world again. Now im not saying I want to be a bum, Im merely just stating the difference between wanting to do something with my life and really just being apart of such great peoples lives.
Perhaps I just need a good slap. I dont know. All I know, is from here, I have to focus on something. And since everyone is back in RI, School shall be what I focus even more so on. I think though the plan will go as this..
Get through semester. Get to RI, attend URI or RIC. Live on Campus. Work somewhere. See if uncle can get a good car for cheapness.
Sounds like a plan huh..... well... plans never go as easily as they should. I expect trouble to fumble my plans somewhere.
I just need to focus. I have much to accomplish.
Whew..... i feel a little better...... I still have this whole Natalie thing on my mind. I'm such a horrible person. But they always say that you can only go up when you are at the bottom. And let me tell you... Im down there. I'm tired of dealing with women, or rather allow someone to have such control on me. And yet.... im contradicting the crap outta myself because I cant stop my feelings and i know they are gonna do as they please. As they have already. So, gah... I don't know ... just gonna have to go one day at a time i gather....
I really miss RI..... hell its been one day and I just want to go back.....I wonder if the peeps in RI really understand just how much they mean to me.... I sometimes question if I even know....
Neil was right with the whole personal zen thing.... but... im at one with myself.... I just feel as though im not complete without those from RI....and at times those from Pensacola... I sometimes wonder just how my being became so dependent on relations and the relationships I have with people and friends. Its strange cuz I'm including everyone from those I am closest to and those I have even spoken to in years.....
Its bad and yet its good to be in the position I am. Because I can exist and move on alone should I need to. I have done it. I can do it. I just cant do it for long because I like to be apart of others' lives. Maybe its my sub-conscious way of implanting myself into history to be remembered or something... I don't know.....
Speaking of sub-conscious and such. Should I even be a damn Psych Major? Hell if I know. Theres too much to consider. Maybe Ill just go for a business degree.... You can do alot with it... But I just wish there was an easier answer as to what I should do so im not a failure in the future. Oh btw, if I do become one of those I give everyone permission to kick my ass lol.
Anyway, Its the first day of school and I have a boat load of work to get done. So im gonna do it.... peace out.
dasvidanya