here we go..
So lately if anyone has noticed I havent been my happy self. Ive tryed to be. But its hard when you are not happy. I dont really want to talk to anyone about it because no one ever listens.
I dont know if the reason I am depressed is because of school, or because of the weather, or because of something else that I am not mentioning. I am pretty sure it is a mixture of all of them.
School is annoying because I only have one class basically. Media Arts. And then spare, and then co-op in the afternoon. The morning is alright I suppose. I just get to school and go to class. I dont really want to talk to anyone because Im tired. And cranky. During spare we all do our separate thing around now because we all have projects and stuff that we are supposed to be doing. I like that. I dont like it when we are all talking about different things. I know that might sound really strange but I dont like it. The reason being is because I dont have anything to say. My week consists of getting up, going to school, leaving at 11.30 to catch the bus for co-op, going to co-op til 4, coming home, eating dinner, and then doing nothing. Sometimes there might be a change in that schedule because I might work. And for the past 10 weeks on Mondays I have had Drivers Ed in class until 6. And on Tuesdays I have Drivers Ed in car from 7-9. And then on the weekends I have been working 4-12 every Saturday for the past, what feels like 2 months. And then on Sunday I do homework, and work sometimes. When do I see my friends? Never. Only at school. So you would think that I would be happy to have a spare when everyone else does because that is the only time I get to spend time with them. Too bad that is not true. Because I do not do anything except for work, school and relaxing because I am so fucking tired I never have anything new to talk about. Everyone else talks about all these different things that are happening and I cannot relate. Its like I dont even have a life. Honestly. I hate it. I love my co-op because its a really good experience for me. But unfortunately I have to say that it is ruining my social life. I cant even relate to my friends anymore. When I am with them I dont even know what to say to them. Its awkward for me. I feel like I dont even know them anymore. Then, the odd time I do have a story I will start telling it then I always get interrupted by everyone because they start talking about something else or they start looking at other people and responding to what they are doing and then totally ignore me. You know what? Fine. I dont fucking care. If you dont want to listen to my ONE new story I might have every week thats fine. Just tell me!! Dont ignore me, or interrupt me. I dont have the patience to tell you to listen. Because I dont want to force you. I said I wasnt going to mention this stuff, but I guess I did so I suppose I was supposed too. Ill leave it.
I feel non-existent.
Christmas is normally my favourite time. It consists of everyone being happy and everything decorated. My house isnt decorated. My mom doesnt want too do it because she is depressed to and its too much work. I find that decorations make me happy. I need decorations. But if I dont do them, they wont go up, and I dont have time. Christmas time is also nice because one week after Christmas its my Birthday. Im turning 18. That is a big number I think. I will officially be an adult and will be able to vote and everything. But for some reason I dont think this year will be my favourite Christmas time ever. I just want to sit at home and not talk to anyone until everything is done and everything can go back to how it was.
I dont care what you think of me. I know some people that love me. And thats all I need.
I dont know if the reason I am depressed is because of school, or because of the weather, or because of something else that I am not mentioning. I am pretty sure it is a mixture of all of them.
School is annoying because I only have one class basically. Media Arts. And then spare, and then co-op in the afternoon. The morning is alright I suppose. I just get to school and go to class. I dont really want to talk to anyone because Im tired. And cranky. During spare we all do our separate thing around now because we all have projects and stuff that we are supposed to be doing. I like that. I dont like it when we are all talking about different things. I know that might sound really strange but I dont like it. The reason being is because I dont have anything to say. My week consists of getting up, going to school, leaving at 11.30 to catch the bus for co-op, going to co-op til 4, coming home, eating dinner, and then doing nothing. Sometimes there might be a change in that schedule because I might work. And for the past 10 weeks on Mondays I have had Drivers Ed in class until 6. And on Tuesdays I have Drivers Ed in car from 7-9. And then on the weekends I have been working 4-12 every Saturday for the past, what feels like 2 months. And then on Sunday I do homework, and work sometimes. When do I see my friends? Never. Only at school. So you would think that I would be happy to have a spare when everyone else does because that is the only time I get to spend time with them. Too bad that is not true. Because I do not do anything except for work, school and relaxing because I am so fucking tired I never have anything new to talk about. Everyone else talks about all these different things that are happening and I cannot relate. Its like I dont even have a life. Honestly. I hate it. I love my co-op because its a really good experience for me. But unfortunately I have to say that it is ruining my social life. I cant even relate to my friends anymore. When I am with them I dont even know what to say to them. Its awkward for me. I feel like I dont even know them anymore. Then, the odd time I do have a story I will start telling it then I always get interrupted by everyone because they start talking about something else or they start looking at other people and responding to what they are doing and then totally ignore me. You know what? Fine. I dont fucking care. If you dont want to listen to my ONE new story I might have every week thats fine. Just tell me!! Dont ignore me, or interrupt me. I dont have the patience to tell you to listen. Because I dont want to force you. I said I wasnt going to mention this stuff, but I guess I did so I suppose I was supposed too. Ill leave it.
I feel non-existent.
Christmas is normally my favourite time. It consists of everyone being happy and everything decorated. My house isnt decorated. My mom doesnt want too do it because she is depressed to and its too much work. I find that decorations make me happy. I need decorations. But if I dont do them, they wont go up, and I dont have time. Christmas time is also nice because one week after Christmas its my Birthday. Im turning 18. That is a big number I think. I will officially be an adult and will be able to vote and everything. But for some reason I dont think this year will be my favourite Christmas time ever. I just want to sit at home and not talk to anyone until everything is done and everything can go back to how it was.
I dont care what you think of me. I know some people that love me. And thats all I need.