(no subject)
bored. sick. half sedated by the medication, but not enough to get some sleep. i gave up trying to sleep about an hour ago when i realized that it just wasnt gonna happen. i really dont know what's going on with my life right now. i know i'm a control freak, and i've already come to terms with all that in as many ways as i possibly could. but it really doesnt help that every time things get a little shaky i just freak out. it's a lot easier to admit to having a problem than to do something about it. and quite frankly i'd rather not do anything about it at all. i like having control over a situation, it makes me feel safe and confident, and gives me room to grow as an individual. of course, i understand that that's not always gonna happen, but i would prefer that it did. i'm happy that i'm not a guy sometimes because it just seems like they have so little empathy for one another. it's no wonder they're so bad at offering anyone emotional support, even if it's to the closest person that they have at the moment. i hate having to depend on a guy for that type of support, it makes me feel even more alone and misunderstood then before when i had to deal with problems on own.