I'll tell you what matters. Bare feet in the summer. Open windows at night.
A month into the year and I have already had extreme ups and downs so I cannot yet determine or even make a guess at how 2013 is going to go. Nothing life altering has happened necessarily, but I'm pretty shaken up emotionally right now. Ashley has a theory that even numbered years tend to suck, and odd years are generally pretty awesome, so I'm crossing my fingers for that.
I messed up big this time. I didn't technically do anything wrong, but I hurt him badly enough for him to decide that it's best, for him anyway, that we no longer communicate through any means. Since I've been dealing with the prospect of this since October and my heart is already completely shattered, having him tell me to fuck off didn't hurt so bad. Sure, I've cried every day since, but I feel more mad than anything, actually. Mad that he couldn't take the time to keep in touch, mad that he was too lazy to attempt a long distance relationship, mad that as a result, I pursued my own interests and ended up hurting him. And now here we are. The one person who I said I would never marry and was even hesitant to love, I fell in love with and wanted to marry, and now I have been deleted from his Facebook and had my phone number blocked. So much for that life plan. Time to start over again.
Speaking of starting over. There has been at least one up so far. I have had the pleasure of meeting a pretty awesome guy already. The unfortunate part is that he lives 1200 miles away. Despite that, I'm excited to see how things pan out. Though I'm so rock bottom right now, I'm terrified I'm going to scare him away by being overly emotional. Seems a little difficult to do via texting, but I can be pretty intense. I just have to keep reminding myself, that if he sticks around while I'm at my worst, he's definitely worth holding onto.
I need to get away from the computer and do something. I want to read, draw, play my keyboard, maybe get a bicycle, or roller blades, go jogging, play tennis...something to get my mind excited and perhaps my body looking better.
I just wish I had someone in my life. Someone who cared. Someone to make proud. Someone who wanted me. Someone who loved me. I know I need to accomplish these things for me and only me, but man is it helpful to have someone beside you to support you, encourage you and make sure you see it through.
Trying to stick to my resolution. I WILL stick to my resolution.
I messed up big this time. I didn't technically do anything wrong, but I hurt him badly enough for him to decide that it's best, for him anyway, that we no longer communicate through any means. Since I've been dealing with the prospect of this since October and my heart is already completely shattered, having him tell me to fuck off didn't hurt so bad. Sure, I've cried every day since, but I feel more mad than anything, actually. Mad that he couldn't take the time to keep in touch, mad that he was too lazy to attempt a long distance relationship, mad that as a result, I pursued my own interests and ended up hurting him. And now here we are. The one person who I said I would never marry and was even hesitant to love, I fell in love with and wanted to marry, and now I have been deleted from his Facebook and had my phone number blocked. So much for that life plan. Time to start over again.
Speaking of starting over. There has been at least one up so far. I have had the pleasure of meeting a pretty awesome guy already. The unfortunate part is that he lives 1200 miles away. Despite that, I'm excited to see how things pan out. Though I'm so rock bottom right now, I'm terrified I'm going to scare him away by being overly emotional. Seems a little difficult to do via texting, but I can be pretty intense. I just have to keep reminding myself, that if he sticks around while I'm at my worst, he's definitely worth holding onto.
I need to get away from the computer and do something. I want to read, draw, play my keyboard, maybe get a bicycle, or roller blades, go jogging, play tennis...something to get my mind excited and perhaps my body looking better.
I just wish I had someone in my life. Someone who cared. Someone to make proud. Someone who wanted me. Someone who loved me. I know I need to accomplish these things for me and only me, but man is it helpful to have someone beside you to support you, encourage you and make sure you see it through.
Trying to stick to my resolution. I WILL stick to my resolution.