horrible, horrible day
"I'm crying, crying, invisible tears
Screaming silent words
So afraid to show my fears
But no one can see my
Blood, red tears"
-me
Wow so can a day get any fucking worse??? The only thing that i actually accomplished was being able to read 200 pages of a book in my classes today. I actually just read all the way through 3 periods today, and it was fun. Except when Paynter came up to me once again making me feel like i was the worlds biggest failure... and i couldn't look him in the eye cause i was half-crying, and when i walked away i had to hide behind my book because i was bawling my eyes out. ...How the hell did i jsut get SO lazy that i decided to just fail half my classes. Well literally i'm only failing one, but getting all Cs and Bs isn't on my list of what makes me happy. God what right do people have to actually go and make u feel like ur the total scum of the earth. Its probably one of the worst things people can do to u, and Paynter didn't even have to do anything he just walked up, and looking into his creepy ass blue eyes i just wanted to die.
Work was just the most loveliest thing too. Even though i can't call it "work" since i walked up to my register and broke down. But being able to finally talk to my sister about everything made me feel a lot better... its weird that i have such a big family...and can't talk to any of them. atleast not about any serious problems of mine. So i pretty much just sit there at home and put on some show. Pretty much like what i have to do at school everyday... act like i'm happy when half the time i'm crying inside. People at central are the biggest asses i've ever met, and there's those people that just need a big ass SLAP right across their pretty little faces. Errrg i hate people that can just walk around with that perfect little confident smug across their faces.
So back to the story of my great day... after my boss said i could leave early my dad, sister, and I went and ate at the Genghis Grill. It went really well until a person (whos name i'm not mentioning) walked in with his mom and bro. I was liek "Oh my god...." if anything could of made my day 20x worse in 5 seconds flat it was HIM walking 3 feet away from me. So ofcourse i lost my appetite, and wanted to go run and get sick. And somehow i spent the drive home missing the good times i had being friends with him, and i actually felt bad for certain reasons unmentioned again, but just shit thats happened to him in his life. I was like man... he trusted me knowing stuff, and now look at us. I just think its insane how a great friendship can go so wrong. ...But umm yah i'm done talking about that for now.
So then after dinner we hunted down a copy of "Death of a Salesman" from Blockbuster so i could watch it for English class, i'm such a procrastinator. And just as i thought, the movie was horrible and WAY too long to enjoy at all. Then i returned to my moms house and after being online awhile i got some weird IM from one of my semi-friends that something "awful" had happened and that i needed to call him. SO thats what i did and it turns out that his mom is dying of cancer, and he just had gotten a call from the hospital like 15 minutes prior to our talk... and uhh shes most likely going to die in the next 2 weeks. It was so crazy, cause we barely even talk, liek in a way i thought i kinda hated the kid.... so why did he look to me as his support?? It was so sad, i just cryed on the phone feeling so horrible for him... and i apologized for being such a wretched bitch to him on occasion. God... that was probably the scariest/saddest conversation ever.
Yah ummm then i called my buddy Drew back. I love that kid, hes so cool... like he asked my sister at work if i was okay, and then called me later to check up on me. But i ended up having to call him later on... and we talked for like 50 minutes about random shit mostly, and JewLand, and crazy shit he does in school. But he made me all happy, and i laughed like half the time. Thats why hes so cool we can just talk about stupid random shit for like an hour and not even care at all. Its fun...
Oh wow its like a novel everytime i write in this stupid thing. I probably bore u guys to death. I just kind of like to write how i feel... cause it makes me feel a lot better. And u guys are just the lucky, cool people who get to read it. So yah thats enough for the night!
-Brittney-
...Thanks to all my friends who have been commenting extra nice stuff to me about my journals. I love you guys all, ur great!!! ~Cody, Tic-tac (lol), and Semaj~
Screaming silent words
So afraid to show my fears
But no one can see my
Blood, red tears"
-me
Wow so can a day get any fucking worse??? The only thing that i actually accomplished was being able to read 200 pages of a book in my classes today. I actually just read all the way through 3 periods today, and it was fun. Except when Paynter came up to me once again making me feel like i was the worlds biggest failure... and i couldn't look him in the eye cause i was half-crying, and when i walked away i had to hide behind my book because i was bawling my eyes out. ...How the hell did i jsut get SO lazy that i decided to just fail half my classes. Well literally i'm only failing one, but getting all Cs and Bs isn't on my list of what makes me happy. God what right do people have to actually go and make u feel like ur the total scum of the earth. Its probably one of the worst things people can do to u, and Paynter didn't even have to do anything he just walked up, and looking into his creepy ass blue eyes i just wanted to die.
Work was just the most loveliest thing too. Even though i can't call it "work" since i walked up to my register and broke down. But being able to finally talk to my sister about everything made me feel a lot better... its weird that i have such a big family...and can't talk to any of them. atleast not about any serious problems of mine. So i pretty much just sit there at home and put on some show. Pretty much like what i have to do at school everyday... act like i'm happy when half the time i'm crying inside. People at central are the biggest asses i've ever met, and there's those people that just need a big ass SLAP right across their pretty little faces. Errrg i hate people that can just walk around with that perfect little confident smug across their faces.
So back to the story of my great day... after my boss said i could leave early my dad, sister, and I went and ate at the Genghis Grill. It went really well until a person (whos name i'm not mentioning) walked in with his mom and bro. I was liek "Oh my god...." if anything could of made my day 20x worse in 5 seconds flat it was HIM walking 3 feet away from me. So ofcourse i lost my appetite, and wanted to go run and get sick. And somehow i spent the drive home missing the good times i had being friends with him, and i actually felt bad for certain reasons unmentioned again, but just shit thats happened to him in his life. I was like man... he trusted me knowing stuff, and now look at us. I just think its insane how a great friendship can go so wrong. ...But umm yah i'm done talking about that for now.
So then after dinner we hunted down a copy of "Death of a Salesman" from Blockbuster so i could watch it for English class, i'm such a procrastinator. And just as i thought, the movie was horrible and WAY too long to enjoy at all. Then i returned to my moms house and after being online awhile i got some weird IM from one of my semi-friends that something "awful" had happened and that i needed to call him. SO thats what i did and it turns out that his mom is dying of cancer, and he just had gotten a call from the hospital like 15 minutes prior to our talk... and uhh shes most likely going to die in the next 2 weeks. It was so crazy, cause we barely even talk, liek in a way i thought i kinda hated the kid.... so why did he look to me as his support?? It was so sad, i just cryed on the phone feeling so horrible for him... and i apologized for being such a wretched bitch to him on occasion. God... that was probably the scariest/saddest conversation ever.
Yah ummm then i called my buddy Drew back. I love that kid, hes so cool... like he asked my sister at work if i was okay, and then called me later to check up on me. But i ended up having to call him later on... and we talked for like 50 minutes about random shit mostly, and JewLand, and crazy shit he does in school. But he made me all happy, and i laughed like half the time. Thats why hes so cool we can just talk about stupid random shit for like an hour and not even care at all. Its fun...
Oh wow its like a novel everytime i write in this stupid thing. I probably bore u guys to death. I just kind of like to write how i feel... cause it makes me feel a lot better. And u guys are just the lucky, cool people who get to read it. So yah thats enough for the night!
-Brittney-
...Thanks to all my friends who have been commenting extra nice stuff to me about my journals. I love you guys all, ur great!!! ~Cody, Tic-tac (lol), and Semaj~