Argh! I have two faces and i hate it so much!
I must admit. Yes, I like being nice. I like saying hi to everyone. I do like doing things for people. I hate ignoring people. I hate being angry and I really hate it when things don't go my way.
Yet. I do random nice things and it makes everything cool again. I am just selfish. All just to make me feel better. Uhg. I am stupid.
Why? Because I am still not satisfied and angry at shit I see. I hate it so much.
Do I hate the people? I don't know. I hate seeing things. That I know for sure.
All of this just makes me happy that school is coming to an end.
I dont understand me sometimes. I am just one big walking riddle. Or maybe I dont understand still having feelings for someone who seem to careless if you are there or not? Maybe that's what hurts deep down inside? And thats what makes me cry right now. Things dont matter anymore and to me they somehow still do. Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do and I come to school everyday seeing that it isn't for others. It looks so easy. So simple.
And I end up angry at who mostly? Me. Angry because I didn't want it to be this way now nor what it was then. Angry because I wanted and still want so much more. Angry because I can't be happy with things and I still get mad and sad. Angry because I used to have something and it feels like I lost it to him. It feels like I lost it because of me being shitty and crazy and just stupid. I just hate still having feeling while others dont.
And in the end after seeing them together, I feel like I want payback. In the end, my feelings of wishing it could have ended up better goes away quickly and in replace of it comes words of spite like, "That's right. I hope you do regret what happened. I hope you know you fucked up. I hope you do miss. I hope you do hurt. You'll never have me again nor my friendship at all because you are soooooo stupid."
I swear, it is all a back and forth thing for me. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like you and still care and at others I could careless and can't wait to leave for good. Yet, something deep down still holds on.
Fucking feelings.
My niceness kills me at times and I feel like it will tomorrow.
Only a week left. Crazy. Crazy indeed.
Meh. I just feel like saying I pretty stupid and shitty right now and I just hate it and hate my state right now because now I just dont feel like looking at her or talking to her at all. Back to ignoring I go.
I just say that now because its just a moment I guess.
And on with the flow it goes.
Yet. I do random nice things and it makes everything cool again. I am just selfish. All just to make me feel better. Uhg. I am stupid.
Why? Because I am still not satisfied and angry at shit I see. I hate it so much.
Do I hate the people? I don't know. I hate seeing things. That I know for sure.
All of this just makes me happy that school is coming to an end.
I dont understand me sometimes. I am just one big walking riddle. Or maybe I dont understand still having feelings for someone who seem to careless if you are there or not? Maybe that's what hurts deep down inside? And thats what makes me cry right now. Things dont matter anymore and to me they somehow still do. Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do and I come to school everyday seeing that it isn't for others. It looks so easy. So simple.
And I end up angry at who mostly? Me. Angry because I didn't want it to be this way now nor what it was then. Angry because I wanted and still want so much more. Angry because I can't be happy with things and I still get mad and sad. Angry because I used to have something and it feels like I lost it to him. It feels like I lost it because of me being shitty and crazy and just stupid. I just hate still having feeling while others dont.
And in the end after seeing them together, I feel like I want payback. In the end, my feelings of wishing it could have ended up better goes away quickly and in replace of it comes words of spite like, "That's right. I hope you do regret what happened. I hope you know you fucked up. I hope you do miss. I hope you do hurt. You'll never have me again nor my friendship at all because you are soooooo stupid."
I swear, it is all a back and forth thing for me. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like you and still care and at others I could careless and can't wait to leave for good. Yet, something deep down still holds on.
Fucking feelings.
My niceness kills me at times and I feel like it will tomorrow.
Only a week left. Crazy. Crazy indeed.
Meh. I just feel like saying I pretty stupid and shitty right now and I just hate it and hate my state right now because now I just dont feel like looking at her or talking to her at all. Back to ignoring I go.
I just say that now because its just a moment I guess.
And on with the flow it goes.