Is It Friday Yet?!!
Hey all! Its about 11am on Thursday and I am wishing it was 11pm on Friday...lol. By that time, Chris will have been here for a few hours and we will be cuddling to fall fast asleep in each others arms! Yes, Chris is coming to visit this weekend and I CANT wait!!!! He's comimg up tomorrow after work and staying till Sunday as usual. Also, when it's Friday, I only have one class and am free for the rest of the day. The earlier part of this week, including today has been really busy for me so I will welcome the break with Chris this weekend. Not to mention just spending time with him at any time is great! I am counting the days till we are married and together forever! We have had our share of issues over the past two years and I'll admit that at times I have doubted our relationship as well as his love for me and faithfulness to me, but I think most of the doubt just comes from my past and the fear of being hurt again as I have in the past. Deep down I know that Chris truely does love me and would never be unfaithful or do anything to hurt me that badly. Its just hard to keep that in mind at times. And what couple doesnt have disagreements. I know they are bound to happen. I just wish they didnt happen so frequently with us. We are working on that though as well as getting closer and doing more of the "little things" for each other so I am sure we are gonna be fine. I am dieing for us to get back the closeness we had at the beginning of this relationship. I know that it may not be possible to be as close because over time things do change, but I will settle for really close. Chris is the love of my life and I NEVER want to lose what he and I share. I am always afraid that someone and/or something is gonna take him from me or that he is gonna want to leave me for someone or something else. I always put myself down and feel like I'm not good enough for him. Again, I believe these things are just remnants of my past that I am trying to work through. I am gonna start back to counseling in a week or so and also am gonna start doing better at taking my meds because I am sure that has something to do with my feelings and all too. Anyway, I have now cycled through all of my classes except a European History class that I start today. I was taking World History but I found it to be too difficult and the teacher wasnt willing to help me understand so I got into a better situation (I hope). I HATE history with a passion and have saved it as one of my last requirements for graduation in May but unfortunately it's down to the wire and so I'm just gonna have to "bite the bullet" as they say and get through it. Again, I'm hoping I made the right choice by switching classes but we shall see. I am enjoying all of my other classes except my Aquatic Ecology labs where we go outside in the mud and stuff. It's not that I mind the mud, it's just that no one in my class seems to want to help me with anything and with my physical limitations that class can be challenging. I am not giving up though. Anyway, as I said Chris will be here tomorrow night and I CANT wait!!! I am so excited! It's only been 12 days since we were together last but to me it feels like an eternity. I hate being away from him and I hate it when he has to leave, which is why I cant wait to be married and spend the rest of my life with him. I have a tendancy to feel like he is abandoning me when he has to leave even though deep down I know he will always be back (once again issues from the past rear their ugly head) but I am hoping that once we are married and together on a daily basis, that alot of the things I am thinking and feeling will go away, that I will start to feel more secure and complete in our relationship. I LOVE YOU BABY.....NOW, ALWAYS and FOREVER!!!!! Well, I guess that's the update for now. I have class in about 15 minutes and I still need to try and grab a bite to eat since I'll be in class till 2pm or after, much like the earlier part of this week. To my faithful readers, I apologize for my being slack about updating but I do appreciate you reading and your comments/support. I shall do my best to update again soon after this weekend as you may have guessed that I wont be on as long as Chris is here because I will be otherwise occuppied ;) :D Until next time.....