Turn the page

[cancerfish]

My last journal entry. For real. I need a place to live and I think I am finally ready to commit to someone who would commit to me. If mr. right reads this, My psychotica has run its course and because of a person who stuck their hand down my throat to remove pills, and drove me to somewhere to sew me up... I am FINALLY for once living for myself. for ME. I found out who my REAL friends are that night and I gained one and lost one... I lost my need for self injury also, i HATE it, the thought of cutting up a piece of steak makes me want to puke. I am tapering off my pills too. started withdraw yesterday, cant do it again, it hurts soooooooo bad... so that has to slowly stop. I just want to let everyone who reads my lj know that I am alive now for a long time. And for the first time in a long time... I do not hate myself, and I am so ready to let my people in. And I am so ready to have someone special. Because I am not totally self absorbed and pitying myself now. I have a gimp arm or two but that will straighten out in a week or two, and then i will go back to being a cuddle whore. (sorry about the whole not touching my arm thing dennis. i <3 u) And for once in my life i am HAPPY. because of ME. Bascially it came down to that. Face the problems and if you live through it... you live, and you are stronger. Right now no one from the past can hurt me, and neither can the past itself. I have no regrets anylonger. What happened needed to happen, the worst thing ever was the best thing ever. Isnt it ironic? And my worst cut will be my smallest scar... geez. I am ready to write a book. And my 2 favorite people are coming with me in 7-10 days to remove my stitches and watch me move on. WOOT for kate and dennis. I love them...

Okay so the lj is done, i might start a new one who knows but this one so so over. And so is my emo woe is me attitude. Drama. I am going to be better for everyone... lol