(no subject)
I've been feeling really dissatisfied with Phinix for the past few weeks and just realized I could talk about it here instead of making angry posts on tumblr where the club president can see and although I like her and trust her to not rat me out, I guess it would be more professional and better to keep things on the DL even if I can confide in A. Anyway. Today we had "round 2" auditions where we pick a song and dance and before, I was called aside by a few people who I had discussed during round 1 auditions last quarter about drinking before the audition and they asked me if I wanted to drink a little and I fucking screamed, I was so amazed. They bought Baileys and we drank a little - not enough to have really put the edge off - and I felt like even though I messed up a few times I still managed to scrape up more than the required 45 seconds because the director wouldn't stop the music and I felt it would be in bad taste to just stop and walk away but I had no material so literally my feet were moving and I had no control over them. I have no idea what I looked like but I was just surprised my feet were constantly moving...so hopefully this means good vibes this quarter.
I didn't really want to go out tonight because I was feeling a little sick as usual but I couldn't abandon my roommate who had spent the entire day struggling with her thesis and wanted to go out but was also frazzled about it so we went up to Boystown and I wasn't feeling that well, but not lightheaded and no signs of the vertigo that crippled me twice within this week. That happened. But I felt not well, like occasionally I had shortness of breath and felt like throwing up but mostly because of stomach upset and not necessarily from nausea. So I didn't drink until we got to the club and my roommate met up with us and suggested Long Island Iced Teas, which, for reference: do not drink again. It is a nefarious mix of terrible measures. No one should mix that many liqours. The drag show was alright but afterwards, when we started dancing, I kind of was reminded that I really do enjoy dancing, at least in low key settings with low stakes. I think Phinix really helped me expand and feel more comfortable moving my body. Given enough space, I felt like I was really rocking it out there and this was the second time people were like "ok I see your dance group shining through" which is not really true since I would be more nuanced and feel more scared but it was fun and maybe it was the alcohol speaking too but it was fun.
I danced until my knee hurt and now I'm tired and ready to sleep but. It's been a steady flow of a quarter so far so I hope things go well and I get a job soon.
I didn't really want to go out tonight because I was feeling a little sick as usual but I couldn't abandon my roommate who had spent the entire day struggling with her thesis and wanted to go out but was also frazzled about it so we went up to Boystown and I wasn't feeling that well, but not lightheaded and no signs of the vertigo that crippled me twice within this week. That happened. But I felt not well, like occasionally I had shortness of breath and felt like throwing up but mostly because of stomach upset and not necessarily from nausea. So I didn't drink until we got to the club and my roommate met up with us and suggested Long Island Iced Teas, which, for reference: do not drink again. It is a nefarious mix of terrible measures. No one should mix that many liqours. The drag show was alright but afterwards, when we started dancing, I kind of was reminded that I really do enjoy dancing, at least in low key settings with low stakes. I think Phinix really helped me expand and feel more comfortable moving my body. Given enough space, I felt like I was really rocking it out there and this was the second time people were like "ok I see your dance group shining through" which is not really true since I would be more nuanced and feel more scared but it was fun and maybe it was the alcohol speaking too but it was fun.
I danced until my knee hurt and now I'm tired and ready to sleep but. It's been a steady flow of a quarter so far so I hope things go well and I get a job soon.