[fanfic] hot to trot
Title: hot to trot
Fandom: Kuroko no Basket
Pairing: slight Akashi/Midorima
Warnings: pure crack, a Shetland pony
Summary: Midorima goes over to Akashi's house. Akashi's father is a Shetland pony.
Midorima Shintarou was standing in the foyer of the Akashi estate and before he could truly look around in awe and wonder and triumph for finally accomplishing the task of visiting a friend's house at the ripe young age of fifteen, Akashi's father entered the foyer and Akashi's father was a small, red Shetland pony.
"What," Midorima said.
"Welcome home, Seijuro," the Shetland pony said, its black beady eyes studying them as Akashi took off his shoes and Midorima stared transfixed. "I see you have brought home a friend."
"Yes, father," Akashi said. "This is Midorima Shintarou. He is my teammate and vice captain of the basketball team. Midorima, this is my father."
"Pleased to meet you," Midorima said mechanically. The horse looked back at him. Midorima began to take off his shoes.
"Welcome to our home," the horse said finally. Akashi beckoned Midorima to him and he followed Akashi deeper into the house. He turned around once and the Shetland pony was still watching them, standing on four hooves.
"Is that really your father?" Midorima asked.
"No. My current father wanted a son years ago, you see. He killed off my biological parents in a car crash and adopted me once I was sent to the orphanage."
"Is that so?" Midorima said, feeling an odd sort of terror.
"I have no idea how he sired me," Akashi admitted, "but he's my father, alright."
Midorima managed to put off the concept of Akashi's father being a Shetland pony when they reached his room and they were sitting around and having a productive conversation when the door slid open and Midorima had no idea how because the knob of the door was at least three heads taller than the Shetland pony's reach. "Normally I have a servant deliver tea to my son," the Shetland pony said. "But since a friend is here, I wanted to do it myself."
"Thank you, father," Akashi said, taking the tea tray off of the Shetland pony's head. Up close, Midorima finally noticed what appeared to be a jetpack strapped to the back of the Shetland pony.
"Is that a jetpack," Midorima sputtered.
"Indeed," the Shetland pony said, tossing his head back and disrupting the perfectly combed black mane. "You see these legs of mine?" He lifted a hoof and Midorima did his best not to stare. "They don't allow me to move very fast, unfortunately. So I had my best Japanese manufacturers build me this so I could keep up with my son." The Shetland pony whinnied happily. Midorima turned to Akashi, who was hiding a look of exasperation. "Be sure to not have too much fun that you overlook your studies," the Shetland pony reminded.
"Of course not, father," Akashi answered. Midorima nodded but his eyes were drawn to the jetpack. How did Akashi's father sleep with it strapped around him? Surely the hooves were not equipped to unstrap the black leather strap? Or did horses sleep standing up again?
"Do you want a jetpack, Midorima-kun?" the Shetland pony asked. "You've been eying mine for a while and it would not be very difficult to acquire one for a family friend."
"No, I'm okay," Midorima said quickly.
"Father please," Akashi said. "Midorima and I are trying to have a conversation. Thank you for the tea." The Shetland pony blinked and huffed in an admittedly unthreatening manner. To think Akashi learned his intimidation techniques from this man - er, horse! Midorima quietly admired Akashi. The Shetland pony turned to the door and trotted out, his hooves clicking on the tatami floor. The door slid closed and Midorima wondered at that again.
"I apologize for my father," Akashi said, bowing his head. "He is…quite the character, I admit. I suppose he means well, but he is…how should I put it…a bit of an overbearing father."
"He's alright," Midorima rushed, taking his tea in an attempt to ease the mood. Akashi was brooding. "All fathers can be strict but I'm sure he loves you."
"Does he," Akashi said ruefully. "Does your father make you lift him up every morning so he can reach the table to eat his favorite foods? For your information, my father enjoys pizza with pizza-flavored pringles on top. If you haven't noticed, my father has…a bit of a weight problem." Midorima had to agree; the Shetland pony was quite chubby. The leather strap of the jetpack was a considerably sized belt, for a horse. "Every morning, Midorima. I guess I should consider it strength training but…" He trailed off and Midorima sensed the same sort of manic energy he had seen before in his captain's eyes. He attempted to change the subject, but as he did so, he glanced out the window and caught the eyes of two Shetland ponies staring at them from outside.
"Akashi," he gargled. "Outside."
Akashi turned and sighed. Getting to his feet, he strode across his bedroom to the window. "Please leave us alone," he announced. The Shetland ponies scurried off. He closed his curtains halfway. "My apologies, again. My father is highly protective of me, so he sends his army to watch over me occasionally."
Midorima felt only a moment's pride at being considered a big enough threat to Akashi's innocence to warrant surveillance, but there was a bigger issue at hand. "Your father's…army?"
"Surely you've noticed them around the estate?" Indeed; Midorima had noticed a large number of Shetland ponies in the yard, but he had not thought much of them since Akashi had mentioned he owned several stables. Though, now with the revelation that Akashi's father was a Shetland pony, such things made sense. An army of Shetland ponies! "I will tell my father not to be so paranoid. It is difficult enough to maintain relationships without being watched over carefully." Akashi was flushed. Midorima felt flustered. He could not think such thoughts in Akashi's own home.
"I'm going to use the bathroom," Midorima announced, and rushed to the door before Akashi could explain the layout of the house. Throwing open the door, he stepped into the hall and prompted tripped over something at knee height, toppling over down the hallway.
"Were you listening to us, father?" he heard Akashi shout.
"Impotent fool!" the Shetland pony thundered, and Midorima noticed he was limping. He must have stepped on one of the pony's hooves when he tripped over Akashi's father. "Not only do you dare steal my son's purity, but you trample me!" With a flurry of hooves, the Shetland pony raced for Midorima. The jetpack rumbled on and he soared up. "I'll teach you a lesson, boy! This is an age-old technique passed on in my family! I call it - the Shetland Pony!" Without further ado, the Shetland pony began Shetland Ponying Midorima: his jetpack keeping him upright, his hooves began machine-gunning at Midorima's face. Thankfully, the lucky item of the day for Cancers was a shield, so Midorima quickly threw it up before him and winced at each metallic thump of hoof.
"Father, please!" Akashi cried. "You're making a scene and you're embarrassing me!"
"This is the way things have to be, Seijuro!" the Shetland pony roared.
"This way!" Midorima looked up and Akashi had rushed past and was pulling him and running down the hall. The Shetland pony's neighs were compounded by the roar of the jetpack. Akashi pulled a shell-shocked Midorima through the halls of the estate, finally pulling them into a closet that would keep them safe, for now.
"Why is your father a Shetland pony?" Midorima asked finally, the question that had needed asking many moments before.
"What do you mean?" Akashi countered. "My father is a human."
Fandom: Kuroko no Basket
Pairing: slight Akashi/Midorima
Warnings: pure crack, a Shetland pony
Summary: Midorima goes over to Akashi's house. Akashi's father is a Shetland pony.
Midorima Shintarou was standing in the foyer of the Akashi estate and before he could truly look around in awe and wonder and triumph for finally accomplishing the task of visiting a friend's house at the ripe young age of fifteen, Akashi's father entered the foyer and Akashi's father was a small, red Shetland pony.
"What," Midorima said.
"Welcome home, Seijuro," the Shetland pony said, its black beady eyes studying them as Akashi took off his shoes and Midorima stared transfixed. "I see you have brought home a friend."
"Yes, father," Akashi said. "This is Midorima Shintarou. He is my teammate and vice captain of the basketball team. Midorima, this is my father."
"Pleased to meet you," Midorima said mechanically. The horse looked back at him. Midorima began to take off his shoes.
"Welcome to our home," the horse said finally. Akashi beckoned Midorima to him and he followed Akashi deeper into the house. He turned around once and the Shetland pony was still watching them, standing on four hooves.
"Is that really your father?" Midorima asked.
"No. My current father wanted a son years ago, you see. He killed off my biological parents in a car crash and adopted me once I was sent to the orphanage."
"Is that so?" Midorima said, feeling an odd sort of terror.
"I have no idea how he sired me," Akashi admitted, "but he's my father, alright."
Midorima managed to put off the concept of Akashi's father being a Shetland pony when they reached his room and they were sitting around and having a productive conversation when the door slid open and Midorima had no idea how because the knob of the door was at least three heads taller than the Shetland pony's reach. "Normally I have a servant deliver tea to my son," the Shetland pony said. "But since a friend is here, I wanted to do it myself."
"Thank you, father," Akashi said, taking the tea tray off of the Shetland pony's head. Up close, Midorima finally noticed what appeared to be a jetpack strapped to the back of the Shetland pony.
"Is that a jetpack," Midorima sputtered.
"Indeed," the Shetland pony said, tossing his head back and disrupting the perfectly combed black mane. "You see these legs of mine?" He lifted a hoof and Midorima did his best not to stare. "They don't allow me to move very fast, unfortunately. So I had my best Japanese manufacturers build me this so I could keep up with my son." The Shetland pony whinnied happily. Midorima turned to Akashi, who was hiding a look of exasperation. "Be sure to not have too much fun that you overlook your studies," the Shetland pony reminded.
"Of course not, father," Akashi answered. Midorima nodded but his eyes were drawn to the jetpack. How did Akashi's father sleep with it strapped around him? Surely the hooves were not equipped to unstrap the black leather strap? Or did horses sleep standing up again?
"Do you want a jetpack, Midorima-kun?" the Shetland pony asked. "You've been eying mine for a while and it would not be very difficult to acquire one for a family friend."
"No, I'm okay," Midorima said quickly.
"Father please," Akashi said. "Midorima and I are trying to have a conversation. Thank you for the tea." The Shetland pony blinked and huffed in an admittedly unthreatening manner. To think Akashi learned his intimidation techniques from this man - er, horse! Midorima quietly admired Akashi. The Shetland pony turned to the door and trotted out, his hooves clicking on the tatami floor. The door slid closed and Midorima wondered at that again.
"I apologize for my father," Akashi said, bowing his head. "He is…quite the character, I admit. I suppose he means well, but he is…how should I put it…a bit of an overbearing father."
"He's alright," Midorima rushed, taking his tea in an attempt to ease the mood. Akashi was brooding. "All fathers can be strict but I'm sure he loves you."
"Does he," Akashi said ruefully. "Does your father make you lift him up every morning so he can reach the table to eat his favorite foods? For your information, my father enjoys pizza with pizza-flavored pringles on top. If you haven't noticed, my father has…a bit of a weight problem." Midorima had to agree; the Shetland pony was quite chubby. The leather strap of the jetpack was a considerably sized belt, for a horse. "Every morning, Midorima. I guess I should consider it strength training but…" He trailed off and Midorima sensed the same sort of manic energy he had seen before in his captain's eyes. He attempted to change the subject, but as he did so, he glanced out the window and caught the eyes of two Shetland ponies staring at them from outside.
"Akashi," he gargled. "Outside."
Akashi turned and sighed. Getting to his feet, he strode across his bedroom to the window. "Please leave us alone," he announced. The Shetland ponies scurried off. He closed his curtains halfway. "My apologies, again. My father is highly protective of me, so he sends his army to watch over me occasionally."
Midorima felt only a moment's pride at being considered a big enough threat to Akashi's innocence to warrant surveillance, but there was a bigger issue at hand. "Your father's…army?"
"Surely you've noticed them around the estate?" Indeed; Midorima had noticed a large number of Shetland ponies in the yard, but he had not thought much of them since Akashi had mentioned he owned several stables. Though, now with the revelation that Akashi's father was a Shetland pony, such things made sense. An army of Shetland ponies! "I will tell my father not to be so paranoid. It is difficult enough to maintain relationships without being watched over carefully." Akashi was flushed. Midorima felt flustered. He could not think such thoughts in Akashi's own home.
"I'm going to use the bathroom," Midorima announced, and rushed to the door before Akashi could explain the layout of the house. Throwing open the door, he stepped into the hall and prompted tripped over something at knee height, toppling over down the hallway.
"Were you listening to us, father?" he heard Akashi shout.
"Impotent fool!" the Shetland pony thundered, and Midorima noticed he was limping. He must have stepped on one of the pony's hooves when he tripped over Akashi's father. "Not only do you dare steal my son's purity, but you trample me!" With a flurry of hooves, the Shetland pony raced for Midorima. The jetpack rumbled on and he soared up. "I'll teach you a lesson, boy! This is an age-old technique passed on in my family! I call it - the Shetland Pony!" Without further ado, the Shetland pony began Shetland Ponying Midorima: his jetpack keeping him upright, his hooves began machine-gunning at Midorima's face. Thankfully, the lucky item of the day for Cancers was a shield, so Midorima quickly threw it up before him and winced at each metallic thump of hoof.
"Father, please!" Akashi cried. "You're making a scene and you're embarrassing me!"
"This is the way things have to be, Seijuro!" the Shetland pony roared.
"This way!" Midorima looked up and Akashi had rushed past and was pulling him and running down the hall. The Shetland pony's neighs were compounded by the roar of the jetpack. Akashi pulled a shell-shocked Midorima through the halls of the estate, finally pulling them into a closet that would keep them safe, for now.
"Why is your father a Shetland pony?" Midorima asked finally, the question that had needed asking many moments before.
"What do you mean?" Akashi countered. "My father is a human."