(no subject)
I spent 36 hours with my best friend from Middle School this weekend and it was not as refreshing as I would have hoped. I don't think either of us has changed. I mean not UNBELIEVABLY. We just have begun to lead completely separate lives and trying to mush us back together is a little tough. Its not like we didn't get along. We were as goofy as if she had never left. I was the other daughter of her mother just as I was always. I cleaned up stuff, was yelled at, but was hugged and loved all the same. Her brothers still leaned on me in the car as they fell asleep, her dog still slobbered all over me and followed me around their house, the like.
We hung out with her friends on Friday, including her boyfriend, and I just couldn't believe how... settled... she is. She's really lucky and I feel... happy for her but at the same time, I wish I was still a part of her.. I wish she was still a part of me. It's one of those things that you know you can't change, and I guess I don't want it to anyway. It's crazy to think that she doesn't know SO much. My best, you know?, she was my best... and she knows nothing of my life now. Nothing of the relationships, the situations, the drama, the laughs. But then again its interesting, because it makes me realize exactly WHAT is in the past. I might want to tell her about Gabby and Vinny and Chrissy and Uma and well,... me, Rachel, the black people lunch table at my school. But, what IS important these days? What is worth time? What isn't?
Of course I wasn't thinking about all this while I was with her. Writing it down here, reflecting here, does that to me I guess. I had a wonderful time stepping into her life for 36 hours, but thats all it was... a step. Anyway i felt in the way most of the time. That's okay though. We caught up, sort of.
I bet Christmas will be weird for me. I don't know why, but I feel like it will be. With the newish poverty of us and everything... itll be.. not as happy as its supposed to be I think. And I feel so distant from my mom's family. The worst part is... I don't know if its thattt bad. I think it is, but then I think... when we were closer... we weren't that close. You know what I mean? Most of them kind of bug me, I thought. But its Christmas, so we just slam together in a big hug in the name of the lord that most of us don't even believe in. Strange.
Btw, that friend of mine that I was talking about awhillee back, the one who I said was becoming someone big, someone like a best friend or something, becoming really close... IS NOT right. I invited her over for lunch at Nate's, some City Buddha, Elegansia, the like, then afterwords an evening of classics. We would figure out what movies we were to watch after food and such. It was supposed to be a lot of fun, but she was so... stand offish, so awkward, so quiet, so uninspired. We kinda walked around in small talk conversations. I guesss I fantasized all those possibilities or something. I mean she acted like I was her host... god it was random and pointless. I feed off of creativity, and spontaneity, and laughter, and ideas. I'm not looking to please people, to lead, to host... scream out loud what you think, what you want to do, tell me a story, BE INTERESTING. I don't know I felt like I had lunch, shopped, and watched movies with a complete stranger.
And she didn't seem to have an opinion on REAR WINDOW. HOw can you not lovvvve that movie. The ending, when he falls out of the window lifelessly, and a random women screams in this high pitch in the background, and his facial expression is that of constipation... PRICELESS. The best of Hitchcock. A true display of the (lack of) quality when it comes to stunts and dummies back then.
January
I randomly did this again...
(A ColorQuiz)
February
I can't deal with ignorant rich girls. THEY'RE INSANE!
March
I don't think that I ever mentioned this.
My parents decided against medicating my dog for his diabetes..
April
This is really very interesting...
A Banana A Day
(shows what banana's can do for you, health-wise)
May
Chess:
I am not a fan, nor close to one, of the costumes.
In fact, I might even go as far as to hate them.
But, I digress.
June
I recieved THE letter today. And I got in! Yessss. My life is NOT over.
July
I'm kind of going back and forth with that e-mail. This is how I see it,
Bob's sick. Stephanie's not here. Carol's not stage managing. I see how this is hard on the staff.
August
I've decided that I'm way too serious about life. And I need to relax and stop thinking so much. I think I need a good couple of laughs because I feel like I haven't really smiled for awhile.
(WOW ...basically... Molly LISTEN to yourself!)
September
I got an iPod NANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So muchhhhh happinessssss....
October
So there's this church at the end of my street on pearl rd that has a sign that says "Pastor Application Day."
November
I'm watching the Seven Samurai and Crimes and Misdemeanors this weekend. Pretty excited. Soccer game against North Royalton at 7 at Brush High.
December
After I (finally) saw the wonderful, truly, truly wonderful production of Music Man, I had a nice time with the cast and crew at Li Wah's.
Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone.