(no subject)
So basically I spent the entire day today studying for the GRE. I took another practice test and actually did worse on it than the first two that I did in previous weeks :( I think my brain is completely overflowing with GRE crap that it's making it really hard for me to concentrate. I am really hoping to be happy when this is all over. Like it would be really nice to know that the reason for my overall change in demeaner has been coming from the studying for this exam. The crazy thing is if it isn't the problem I don't really know what is and that will make it a lot harder to fix :(
So lately I have been really down in the dumps and I guess I feel like I am so overly emotional right now about everything. Like I was watching this stupid CIBC commercial and the wife is pregnant and her husband finishes the baby nursery without her knowing and she gets all excited and I cry like everytime I see it, it's so ridiculous... I feel aweful for all these people in New Orleans too. I mean I have been watching the CNN news coverage and whatnot and it is devastating. This one man was being interviewed and it came up that he was holding onto his wife and all of a sudden she said take care of the family and he couldn't hold on and there she went. He said his life was over now and he had nothing. I can't even imagine what that is like to be ripped away from your loved ones by such natural destruction. I dunno I guess it has forced me to think about a lot of things good and bad...
I have realized that I have lost site of how to have fun and that really bums me out. I mean I don't even know what to do with myself at parties anymore. I was once this outgoing, fun, happy person and now I can barely strike up a conversation with a semi-stranger. I feel like this has happened in result of the last year or so. It is hard when you are with someone that never wants to do anything but sit around and be boring. It's always nice to have a mingling buddy when you are at parties and it's hard to just take off on your own when you're not in your home territory. I dunno maybe it's just me but I feel like my sense of fun has been seriously lost. I am really looking forward to a fun senior year but at the same time I know it is crucial to keep my grades up and perform above and beyond my usual caliber.
I just feel like it's hard to be happy when I feel like so many people have let me down lately. Like friends that I thought would be supportive and amazing in this situation have just treated it like shit and been too busy to even notice the pain that I am really going through. To those of you who have helped, you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I guess the only outcome here that I can forsee is picking up the pieces and moving onto something bigger and better. The only question is I don't know how long that is going to take...
So lately I have been really down in the dumps and I guess I feel like I am so overly emotional right now about everything. Like I was watching this stupid CIBC commercial and the wife is pregnant and her husband finishes the baby nursery without her knowing and she gets all excited and I cry like everytime I see it, it's so ridiculous... I feel aweful for all these people in New Orleans too. I mean I have been watching the CNN news coverage and whatnot and it is devastating. This one man was being interviewed and it came up that he was holding onto his wife and all of a sudden she said take care of the family and he couldn't hold on and there she went. He said his life was over now and he had nothing. I can't even imagine what that is like to be ripped away from your loved ones by such natural destruction. I dunno I guess it has forced me to think about a lot of things good and bad...
I have realized that I have lost site of how to have fun and that really bums me out. I mean I don't even know what to do with myself at parties anymore. I was once this outgoing, fun, happy person and now I can barely strike up a conversation with a semi-stranger. I feel like this has happened in result of the last year or so. It is hard when you are with someone that never wants to do anything but sit around and be boring. It's always nice to have a mingling buddy when you are at parties and it's hard to just take off on your own when you're not in your home territory. I dunno maybe it's just me but I feel like my sense of fun has been seriously lost. I am really looking forward to a fun senior year but at the same time I know it is crucial to keep my grades up and perform above and beyond my usual caliber.
I just feel like it's hard to be happy when I feel like so many people have let me down lately. Like friends that I thought would be supportive and amazing in this situation have just treated it like shit and been too busy to even notice the pain that I am really going through. To those of you who have helped, you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I guess the only outcome here that I can forsee is picking up the pieces and moving onto something bigger and better. The only question is I don't know how long that is going to take...