(no subject)
found this on someones .
I should write a book.
I feel like reposting anything good I've ever written. It deserves to be read, and for those of you who won't end up scrolling down to the bottom of my blog to read it, well... this is for you.
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Flying
I wish I could fly. That way if I ever needed to get somewhere fast, I could just float in the air and get there easy. People would be like, wow he can fly. Teleportation would be cool too, but that isn't fun.
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My One Wish
If I could have one wish, it would to be the best at everything. That way, when people show off about something, I can just say that I'm better then them at that thing. If they didn't believe me, I'd challenge them to a duel at their greatest talent and beat them. Not only would I crush their hopes and dreams, but I'd look good doing it. "I'm so good at putting in a lightbulb." "Is that a challenge? Because I accept." "Wow, you are good. You crushed my hopes and dreams of being the best light bulb putter ever. Good bye." That would be my life, and it would be very enjoyable.
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Having No Legs
If I had no legs, I would steal people's wallets. They would get angry when I sneak up behind them and steal their wallet, but then they would see that I have no legs and feel sorry for me.
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I Think
Sometimes I wish I didn't think as much as I do. I think too much. Thinking about weird things, thinking about happy things, thinking about sad things. About the past, present, future. About school, work, cards, games, girls, friends, family. Thinking too much makes me think about why I think so much. And that gets me thinking about things that make me feel like thinking. I wish I didn't have a brain, that way I wouldn't be up at 2:48am thinking about thinking about things.
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Nail in My Wall
There is a nail half stuck in my wall. I don't know why its there, its not in any position to hang a picture, or a hat or a shirt or something. Its just there and I'm staring at it right as I type this sentence. I wonder what its for.
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Different is the New Trend
So, I was taking a shower and I thought to myself... what is up with emo kids?
They dress weird. Do you know why they do it? Well, the explanation I recieved from my cousin is that they "want to be different". Different. Do you know how many emo kids there are in the world? A lot. They are all being different. They are all simililarily different. With the weird socks, the black clothing, the fish nets, piercings. All the same. And this is DIFFERENT. They don't want to conform with the trends of everyday society so they dress different. They are un-trendy.
Except for the fact that they are following trends. Their trend is being emo. Being sad about everything. You are sad. Okay. And you show this with your clothing. And when I say "you", I mean all emo kids. All are the same. Sad about life, sad about love, sad about work, sad about school, sad about family. Sad about sad. They dress different because they are sad. Different. Just to be non-trendy.
Different is the new trend!
Don't you get it? You've started a trend. YOU CREATED WHAT YOU TRIED TO GET AWAY FROM. Being sad is the new trend. And you did it by being un-trendy. So, stop being sad. Take a pill, make a friend... do something! Conformists who want to be non-conformers are conforming with the non-conformists and in the end they are becoming conformers. You did what you tried not to do.
Stop being so normal and start acting normal.
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Handicapped People
People in wheelchairs have it so easy. Not only do they get the spots closest to the building… they get to roll around in a fucking chair all day and all night! They must be having the time of their lives! If I was in a wheelchair, I would purposely park as far away as possible, so I have as much room to roll around in my wheelchair as I want. I mean come on! You have the best mode of transportation possible, at least let us unfortunate people with legs get the close spots… we have to walk.
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Married Couples
You know something I’ve noticed? Married couples always have a good story of how they met. Even if it’s the worst story ever, they make it sound good. Always. For example: A married couple at their wedding… explaining how they met. “Well, me and some buddies went out for some drinks one night, and there was this gorgeous babe across the room eyeing me down. I was a little nervous, but my buddies helped me work up the courage to walk over there and talk to her… and we’ve been together ever since!”
PLEASE. Now… same couple 3 hours later. They just had a fight over which way the toilet paper goes in the holder, and now they want a divorce. So they go to a counselor, and they explain how they met to that person. Exact same story, with less details: “We met in a bar.” Thank you! No fucking cosmetics, we don’t give a shit if you have a nice story, because as a matter of fact, we don’t have time to listen to your fucking story about how you met. Because truthfully, we just don’t care.
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Cheating in Movies
Have you ever noticed that in movies, any time a man is caught cheating on his girlfriend… they always find lipstick on the collar? What is this shit? Do these women find collars sexy? “Oh baby, your shirt is so fucking hot, I just wanna make love to your nice, silk shirt. Ohh yeah… what a fucking SEXY shirt, awww yeah.” What is this? WHAT IS THIS? Not only do they kiss the mans collar, they do it strong enough so that a whole fucking imprint of their lips stays on the shirt! Come on…
And have you ever noticed, that it only happens when a man is CHEATING? Never when hes having a passionate moment with his real wife or girlfriend. They make love, he puts his shirt back on… nothing. Makes me wonder if these women that are helping the man cheat, actually KNOW what they’re doing. They’re TRYING to get the guy in trouble!
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Wheres Waldo?
Where the fuck is Waldo? Why is he hiding? That guy must be in some SERIOUS shit. He just doesn’t stop hiding! He’s hiding at the fair, he’s hiding at school, he’s hiding at the beach, he’s hiding everywhere! Waldo must be on every single most wanted list in the entire fucking universe! Never stops hiding. Always hiding. Hiding from me… hiding from little kids, hiding from the police, I’m actually beginning to think that hes crazy! What’s he scared of? Getting arrested? Waldo, you’re a fucking cartoon! Its ok, you can come out now.
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I am Awesome.
I wrote this one for an English assignment.
I am awesome. My awesomeness has no boundaries. The amount of awesomeness I have inside me could fill the Atlantic Ocean. I am awesome in the morning, I am awesome in the afternoon, I am awesome at night. Can you not see how awesome I am? As I walk past the trees, they cheer like fans at a rock concert. When you wake up, I am awesome. When you go to school, I am awesome. When you go to bed, I am awesome. When you dream about how awesome I am, I am awesome. Every day and every night when people work and meet deadlines and drive home and be with their families and do the same thing over and over again they will continue to wonder how awesome I trule am. Every day, every week, every month, every year, my awesomeness continues to increase. I, Jake Valianes, the most awesome person in the universe, understand that you want to be as awesome as me. I am awesome, I am awesome, I am awesome. I am awesome.
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That's it. Thats what goes on in my brain for those of you who spent the time to read this.
I should write a book.
Very funny. If youre bored.