Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Transcribed - Act Three
Because I know everyone was holding their breaths, waiting for me to finish this, here is Act Three of my transcription of Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. If you read it all through, please let me know what you think of it. Yes, it was a huge time-waster, but I put a lot of effort into typing it all up even if was just for the sole purpose of relieving boredom and showing my fangirl-ish-ness.
Act 1 is here
Act 2 is here
ACT THREE
(Interior Doctor Horrible’s house. Close up on a TV set. A male and female news anchor sit behind a news desk)
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is.
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: It’s a good day to be homeless.
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: (chuckles) It certainly is!
(Pull back to show a determined Doctor Horrible walk past the TV. He spins a wheel that makes the sliding door to his secret lab start to open. He pulls it open the rest of the way and walks into his lab. Music starts. Doctor Horrible is working on a ray-like device.)
(SONG - ‘SO THEY SAY’)
(CUT TO - exterior street. Day. Two removal men are unloading a truck)
REMOVAL MAN ONE (SINGING): So they say Captain Hammer’s become a crusader
Political. He’s cleaning up the streets
REMOVAL MAN TWO: About time.
(CUT TO - Three Captain Hammer fans - one male, two female - all wearing Captain Hammer t-shirts standing on a sidewalk.)
FANGIRL ONE (SINGING): So they say that his heal love’s
FANS (SINGING): So romantic!
FANGIRL TWO: (holds up a laminated, singed photo of Captain Hammer) He signed this!
(CUT TO - Penny in a hall with a stage in the background. This will be the new homeless shelter. She’s hanging up a mobile phone. Captain Hammer is there. People are getting things ready in the background.)
PENNY (SINGING): So they say we’ll have blankets and beds
We can open by Monday, thanks to you
CAPTAIN HAMMER: Thanks to me!
(CUT TO - The male and female news anchors. The headline at the bottom of the TV screen reads: Captain Hammer: “I hope to set an example, you know, for children and stuff.”)
NEWS ANCHORS (SINGING): It’s the perfect story
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: So they say
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: A hero leading the way
NEWS ANCHORS: Hammer’s call to glory
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: Let’s all be our best
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: Next up: who’s gay?
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible is mixing bubbling green chemicals in his lab)
(CUT TO - the street with the Hammer Fans)
FANBOY (SINGING): So they say he saved her life
FANGIRL ONE: They say she works with the homeless
And doesn’t eat meat
We have a -
FANS: problem with her!
FANGIRL TWO: (holds up a brown lock of hair laminated to a white card) This is his hair!
(CUT TO - Captain Hammer relaxing on a chair in the new homeless shelter)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): This is so nice
I just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it’s better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff
FANS: (poking their heads into frame) We do the weird stuff!
(CUT TO - Penny sitting on top of a washing machine in the laundry mat. She has two frozen yoghurts and is slowly eating one. The other is obviously meant for Billy, but he isn’t there. The door opens behind her and she immediately looks to see if it’s him, but is disappointed when it is not.)
PENNY (SINGING): This is perfect for me
So they say
I guess he’s pretty okay
After years of stormy sailing
Have I finally found the bay?
(CUT TO - In Doctor Horrible’s lab, he is writing equations in a white board. A drawing shows that he is turning a ray gun into a lethal weapon. A phone rings in the background, but he doesn’t pick up.)
(CUT TO - Moist in the bedroom of another evil henchman - who is in a black and pink boxing costume. Moist in on a mobile phone, but hangs up.)
MOIST (SPEAKING): He’s still not picking up.
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible, pacing his lab. Penny is lonely in the laundry mat. The scene cuts between them, then does a split screen)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY (SINGING): There’s no happy ending
So they say
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Not for me, anyway
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY: Should I stop pretending / stop pretending
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY: Take the chance to build a brand new day / Or is this a brand
new day?
(CUT TO - The Hammer fans on the street)
FANGIRL TWO: (holding up a laminated bill) This is his dry cleaning bill
FANS (SINGING): Four sweater vests!
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible putting his finished ray gun on a table. It’s label reads
STUN RAY. He puts another label over the word ‘stun’ so it now reads DEATH RAY. Music fades away.)
(CUT TO - Interior of the new homeless shelter. An audience of reporters, the public - including the Hammer fans - and homeless people sit in chairs in front of the stage. The mayor is speaking at a podium. Captain Hammer and Penny are sitting on chairs on the stage. Penny looks proud. At the back of the room is a man-sized object on a small plinth covered in a red cloth.)
MAYOR (SPEAKING): And in just a few minutes, we’ll unveil a statue of the man himself.
(People clap and take pictures)
MAYOR: Thank you, thank you. (When the clapping dies down) Justice has a name, and the name that is has, besides ‘justice,’ is Captain Hammer. Ladies and gentlemen, your hero:
(People clap and take photos again as a smiling Captain Hammer gets up. He shakes the Mayor’s hand, pausing and posing for photos, and then takes the Mayor’s place at the podium.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER: (pulls cue cards out of his glove) Thank you. Thank you, Mayor, for those kind words. (reading form the cards) I hate the homeless... (flips to a new card) -ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic... (he gives up on the cards. The audience is eagerly listening to him, hanging on his every word.) You know what? I don’t need to read cue cards. When I fell... deeply in love with my serious, long-term girlfriend Penny - wave your hand, Penny. (gestures back to Penny, who looks nervous, as if she was worried about him improvising like this. She waves shyly and a few people clap.) There she is! Cute, huh? Sort of a... quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway, she turned me onto this whole... homeless thing which is terrible. (music starts in the background) And I realised I’m not the only hero in the room tonight. I’m not the only one who’s fighting.
(SONG: ‘EVERYONE’S A HERO’)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): It may not feel too classy
Begging just to eat
But you know who does that? Lassie
And she always gets a treat.
So you wonder what your part is
‘Cause you’re homeless and depressed
But home is where the heart is
So you real home’s in your chest
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got villains they must face
They’re not as cool as mine
but folks, you know it’s fine to know your place
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
In their own not that heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend, Penny (gestures back to her and grins to the audience)
(chuckles) Yeah, we totally had sex
(Penny looks very uncomfortable. She gets up and leaves the stage off to the side.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): She showed me there’s so many
Different muscles I can flex
There’s the deltoids of compassion
There’s the abs of being kind
It’s not enough to bash in heads,
You’ve got to bash in minds
(he leaves the podium and walks down the centre aisle on the audience a little bit)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got something they can do
Get up, go out and fly!
Especially that guy who smells like poo
(Captain Hammer gestures to a homeless man sitting in the front row. No one is sitting next to him. He smiles and nods.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
(pointing to people) You and you and mostly me and you
(He turns and jobs back onto the stage quickly)
I’m poverty’s new sheriff
And I’m bashing in the slums
A hero doesn’t care if you’re a bunch of scary, alcoholic bums!
Everybody!
(The audience raise their hands in the air and start to sway back and forth)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
AUDIENCE (SINGING): We’re heroes too
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone can blaze a hero’s trail
AUDIENCE (SINGING): We’re just like you
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Don’t worry if it’s hard
If you’re not a friggin’ ‘tard
You will prevail!
AUDIENCE: (vocalising)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
AUDIENCE: We’re heroes too
(The red sheet is pulled off the figure on the plinth, revealing it to be Doctor Horrible with his freeze ray! He smiles evilly. The freeze ray is aimed at Captain Hammer. He fires it, a bolt of blue energy hitting Captain Hammer in the chest.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their -!
(Captain Hammer is cut off, frozen in place. The crowd gasps. Doctor Horrible lets out a proper, truly evil laugh. The lights have dimmed. The people look back at him as he jumps off the plinth and stalks down the aisle. Different music starts. The people are nervous, but no one moves. The camera angle is tilted.)
(SONG - ‘SLIPPING’)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Look at these people
Amazing how sheep will
Show up for the slaughter
No-one condemning
You lined up like lemmings
You led to the water
Why can’t they see what I see?
Why can’t they hear the lies?
Maybe the fee’s too pricey for them to realise
Your disguise is slipping
(Doctor Horrible steps onto the stage and smiles at the frozen Captain Hammer.)
I think you’re slipping
(He addresses the crowd)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Now that your saviour’s
Still as the grave you’re
Beginning to fear me
(he steps down, walking through them again. )
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Like cave men fear thunder
I still have to wonder
Can you really hear me?
(he spots the Hammer fans, kneeling down to Fangirl One and grabs her face. She squirms)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): I bring you pain
The kind you can’t suffer quietly
(he lets the girl go and moves on)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Fire up your brain
Remind you inside you’re rioting
Society is slipping
Everything’s slipping away
So...
(Doctor Horrible turns and suddenly pulls his death ray out of his coat. He fires it a few times at the ceiling and people start to panic, run and scream. The music tempo goes faster - The Doctor Horrible Theme song heard in the opening credits.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Go ahead, run away!
Say it was (H)horrible!
Spread the word, tell a friend!
Tell them the tale
(he leans into a man with a digital camera who hasn’t run away yet)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Get a pic! Do a blog!
Heroes are over with!
(About the still frozen Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Look at him, not a word!
Hammer, meet nail!
(Doctor Horrible raises a fist, then looks around the room. Everyone’s fled their seats now and some have made it out. The rest cower along the walls or try to hide behind the chairs. Doctor Horrible is excited.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Did I win? Did I get
Everything I ever...
All the cash, all the fame
And social change
Anarchy that I run!
It’s Doctor Horrible’s turn
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn!
Burn!
(he fires his death ray at the ceiling to accent the word ‘burn’ each time, then aside, to a reporter with a notebook)
Yeah, it’s two ‘R’s. H-O-R-R-
(As before) Burn!
(Doctor Horrible looks around the room. The music slows again)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): No sign of Penny
Good, I would give anything
Not to have her see
(He doesn’t notice Penny hiding behind a chair behind him and to his right. She peeks out, hearing her name. Doctor Horrible walks up to the frozen Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): It’s gonna be bloody
Head up, Billy buddy
There’s no time for mercy...
(He aims his death ray at Captain Hammer, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger. Penny peeks out more, hearing the words ‘Billy buddy.’ She seems to recognise him. Doctor Horrible tries to motivate himself again to kill Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Here goes no mercy!
(He still can’t do it. The whining sound of the freeze ray powering down makes Doctor Horrible lower his weapon and turn his head back to look at it.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SPEAKING): That’s not a good sound...
(He looks back and is punched in the face by an un-frozen Captain Hammer. The punch sends Doctor Horrible sliding back along the hardwood floors. He drops the death ray, which is now emitting red sparks - clearly broken. Captain Hammer jumps down, picks up the death ray and walks over to Doctor Horrible. He tries to get up, but Captain Hammer stomps a boot on his chest, keeping him down. He gives Doctor Horrible the finger. Winded, Doctor Horrible coughs.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): (finishing his song) Way!
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SPEAKING): A death ray! Looks like Doctor Horrible’s moving up. Let’s see if this one works any better than the others.
(Captain Hammer points the death ray at Doctor Horrible’s face. Doctor Horrible notices
the red sparks)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Don’t - !
CAPTAIN HAMMER: (interrupting) I don’t have time for your warnings. Give my regards to Saint Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell.
(The death ray suddenly explodes in a flash of red light. The blast knocks Captain Hammer across the room and he lands hard, knocking over chairs. People duck as large pieces of shrapnel from the death ray embed themselves in the walls. Doctor Horrible coughs and waves smoke away. He gets to his feet, uninjured, and adjusts his goggles on his head. Captain Hammer is moaning loudly in pain.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER: Ohhhh! I’m in pain! I think this is what pain feels like! Oh, momma! Someone maternal! (he scrambles to his feet and runs out through a door, defeated. He pushes someone out of the way) Get out of my way! (sobs) I’ve got to get out!
(Doctor Horrible is amazed. He’s actually defeated Captain Hammer - but who knew he’d be such a wuss about it? He glances around. The room is quiet. People are still cowering. Then Doctor Horrible sees something that makes him give a double-take and he gasps quietly. Penny is slumped against a wall. Shards of the ray gun are embedded in her stomach and chest and she’s bleeding badly. She looks pale, struggling to breathe, in shock. Doctor Horrible rushes over to her.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny? Penny? Penny...
(He looks at her wounds, not sure what to do, starting to panic a little.)
PENNY: (weakly) Billy? Is that you?
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny, hold on. Oh, no. Oh no,no,no, no...
PENNY: Billy, are you alright?
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Hold on...
PENNY: It’s okay, it’s okay...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny...
PENNY: Captain Hammer will save us
(Doctor Horrible watches as her face relaxes and her eyes unfocus. Penny dies with her eyes open.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny...?
(Off-screen, we can hear the reporters asking questions and camera flashes. Doctor Horrible slowly stands up as what has happened sinks in. Music starts)
REPROTERS: Doctor Horrible, why did kill her? Doctor Horrible?... (etc.)
(SONG - ‘EVERYTHING YOU EVER’)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): (sadly) Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victory’s complete
So hail to the king
(close to tears, he bends down again beside Penny’s body)
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Arise and sing...
(Doctor Horrible picks up Penny’s body and carries her over to an ambulance stretcher bed. Two paramedics roll her away.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): So, your world’s benign
So, you think justice has a voice
And we all have a choice
Now your world is mine
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): And I am fine...
(The camera pulls back to show him standing alone in the empty room)
(CUT TO - Newspaper front pages, all with headlines about Captain Hammer, Doctor Horrible, and the death of Penny. Headlines read: ‘Heroes Girlfriend Murdered’ ‘Girlfriend of Captain Hammer Murdered’ ‘Country Mourns What’s-Her-Name’ ‘Worst Villain Ever - Dr. Horrible’)
(CUT TO - in their news studio, the news anchors are crying. The headline at the bottom of the screen reads: ‘Tragedy: Dr. Horrible Defeats Captain Hammer - Hero “Unavailable For Comment” For First Time Ever’)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible robbing a bank. Moist is stuffing bunches of bills into a bag while Doctor Horrible threatens people with a ray gun strapped to his wrist)
(CUT TO - Captain Hammer is sobbing and babbling on a psychiatrist’s couch about the pain he feels inside.)
(CUT TO - in the street, the three Hammer fans are now wearing shirts with Doctor Horrible’s face on them, and goggles like his on their head. Fangirl Two holds up a drawing of Doctor Horrible and grins)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible walking in slow-motion through his house. It is packed with evil henchmen and other villains having a party. Doctor Horrible waves at, fist bumps and even bows a little to some of the guests. Moist is there, as well as the ‘Bad Horse’ singing cowboys. A vocalisation of ‘Brand New Day’ is heard in the background.)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible suiting up, but instead of his white coat, his new one is blood red. He wears black gloves and boots and looks very satisfied. Doctor Horrible’s theme plays. Large wooden doors open to reveal a long table, around which sits the Evil League of Evil in their costumes. At the head of the table stands a large, dark horse. There’s one empty chair at the table. The rest of the League watch Doctor Horrible. He pulls his goggles down over his eyes, turns and looks into the camera. We can’t see through the dark lenses.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): (confidant) Now the nightmare’s real
Now Doctor Horrible is here
To make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel
(He walks into the room and takes a seat at the table with the rest of the Evil League of Evil)
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): And I won’t feel...
(The wooden doors slam closed)
(CUT TO - Billy, sitting in his house, in front of his web cam. He’s all alone, wearing his civvie clothes and looks grief-stricken. )
BILLY: A thing.
(He stares into the camera sadly)
(CUT TO BLACK)
END ACT THREE
Directed by - Joss Whedon
Written by - Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tanchardon and Jed Whedon
Transcribed by - canadian_kazz, 2010
Doctor Horrible Copyright 2008 Timescience Bloodclub, LLC
Act 1 is here
Act 2 is here
ACT THREE
(Interior Doctor Horrible’s house. Close up on a TV set. A male and female news anchor sit behind a news desk)
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is.
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: It’s a good day to be homeless.
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: (chuckles) It certainly is!
(Pull back to show a determined Doctor Horrible walk past the TV. He spins a wheel that makes the sliding door to his secret lab start to open. He pulls it open the rest of the way and walks into his lab. Music starts. Doctor Horrible is working on a ray-like device.)
(SONG - ‘SO THEY SAY’)
(CUT TO - exterior street. Day. Two removal men are unloading a truck)
REMOVAL MAN ONE (SINGING): So they say Captain Hammer’s become a crusader
Political. He’s cleaning up the streets
REMOVAL MAN TWO: About time.
(CUT TO - Three Captain Hammer fans - one male, two female - all wearing Captain Hammer t-shirts standing on a sidewalk.)
FANGIRL ONE (SINGING): So they say that his heal love’s
FANS (SINGING): So romantic!
FANGIRL TWO: (holds up a laminated, singed photo of Captain Hammer) He signed this!
(CUT TO - Penny in a hall with a stage in the background. This will be the new homeless shelter. She’s hanging up a mobile phone. Captain Hammer is there. People are getting things ready in the background.)
PENNY (SINGING): So they say we’ll have blankets and beds
We can open by Monday, thanks to you
CAPTAIN HAMMER: Thanks to me!
(CUT TO - The male and female news anchors. The headline at the bottom of the TV screen reads: Captain Hammer: “I hope to set an example, you know, for children and stuff.”)
NEWS ANCHORS (SINGING): It’s the perfect story
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: So they say
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: A hero leading the way
NEWS ANCHORS: Hammer’s call to glory
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: Let’s all be our best
MALE NEWS ANCHOR: Next up: who’s gay?
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible is mixing bubbling green chemicals in his lab)
(CUT TO - the street with the Hammer Fans)
FANBOY (SINGING): So they say he saved her life
FANGIRL ONE: They say she works with the homeless
And doesn’t eat meat
We have a -
FANS: problem with her!
FANGIRL TWO: (holds up a brown lock of hair laminated to a white card) This is his hair!
(CUT TO - Captain Hammer relaxing on a chair in the new homeless shelter)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): This is so nice
I just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it’s better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff
FANS: (poking their heads into frame) We do the weird stuff!
(CUT TO - Penny sitting on top of a washing machine in the laundry mat. She has two frozen yoghurts and is slowly eating one. The other is obviously meant for Billy, but he isn’t there. The door opens behind her and she immediately looks to see if it’s him, but is disappointed when it is not.)
PENNY (SINGING): This is perfect for me
So they say
I guess he’s pretty okay
After years of stormy sailing
Have I finally found the bay?
(CUT TO - In Doctor Horrible’s lab, he is writing equations in a white board. A drawing shows that he is turning a ray gun into a lethal weapon. A phone rings in the background, but he doesn’t pick up.)
(CUT TO - Moist in the bedroom of another evil henchman - who is in a black and pink boxing costume. Moist in on a mobile phone, but hangs up.)
MOIST (SPEAKING): He’s still not picking up.
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible, pacing his lab. Penny is lonely in the laundry mat. The scene cuts between them, then does a split screen)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY (SINGING): There’s no happy ending
So they say
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Not for me, anyway
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY: Should I stop pretending / stop pretending
DOCTOR HORRIBLE / PENNY: Take the chance to build a brand new day / Or is this a brand
new day?
(CUT TO - The Hammer fans on the street)
FANGIRL TWO: (holding up a laminated bill) This is his dry cleaning bill
FANS (SINGING): Four sweater vests!
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible putting his finished ray gun on a table. It’s label reads
STUN RAY. He puts another label over the word ‘stun’ so it now reads DEATH RAY. Music fades away.)
(CUT TO - Interior of the new homeless shelter. An audience of reporters, the public - including the Hammer fans - and homeless people sit in chairs in front of the stage. The mayor is speaking at a podium. Captain Hammer and Penny are sitting on chairs on the stage. Penny looks proud. At the back of the room is a man-sized object on a small plinth covered in a red cloth.)
MAYOR (SPEAKING): And in just a few minutes, we’ll unveil a statue of the man himself.
(People clap and take pictures)
MAYOR: Thank you, thank you. (When the clapping dies down) Justice has a name, and the name that is has, besides ‘justice,’ is Captain Hammer. Ladies and gentlemen, your hero:
(People clap and take photos again as a smiling Captain Hammer gets up. He shakes the Mayor’s hand, pausing and posing for photos, and then takes the Mayor’s place at the podium.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER: (pulls cue cards out of his glove) Thank you. Thank you, Mayor, for those kind words. (reading form the cards) I hate the homeless... (flips to a new card) -ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic... (he gives up on the cards. The audience is eagerly listening to him, hanging on his every word.) You know what? I don’t need to read cue cards. When I fell... deeply in love with my serious, long-term girlfriend Penny - wave your hand, Penny. (gestures back to Penny, who looks nervous, as if she was worried about him improvising like this. She waves shyly and a few people clap.) There she is! Cute, huh? Sort of a... quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway, she turned me onto this whole... homeless thing which is terrible. (music starts in the background) And I realised I’m not the only hero in the room tonight. I’m not the only one who’s fighting.
(SONG: ‘EVERYONE’S A HERO’)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): It may not feel too classy
Begging just to eat
But you know who does that? Lassie
And she always gets a treat.
So you wonder what your part is
‘Cause you’re homeless and depressed
But home is where the heart is
So you real home’s in your chest
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got villains they must face
They’re not as cool as mine
but folks, you know it’s fine to know your place
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
In their own not that heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend, Penny (gestures back to her and grins to the audience)
(chuckles) Yeah, we totally had sex
(Penny looks very uncomfortable. She gets up and leaves the stage off to the side.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): She showed me there’s so many
Different muscles I can flex
There’s the deltoids of compassion
There’s the abs of being kind
It’s not enough to bash in heads,
You’ve got to bash in minds
(he leaves the podium and walks down the centre aisle on the audience a little bit)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got something they can do
Get up, go out and fly!
Especially that guy who smells like poo
(Captain Hammer gestures to a homeless man sitting in the front row. No one is sitting next to him. He smiles and nods.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
(pointing to people) You and you and mostly me and you
(He turns and jobs back onto the stage quickly)
I’m poverty’s new sheriff
And I’m bashing in the slums
A hero doesn’t care if you’re a bunch of scary, alcoholic bums!
Everybody!
(The audience raise their hands in the air and start to sway back and forth)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
AUDIENCE (SINGING): We’re heroes too
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone can blaze a hero’s trail
AUDIENCE (SINGING): We’re just like you
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Don’t worry if it’s hard
If you’re not a friggin’ ‘tard
You will prevail!
AUDIENCE: (vocalising)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their own way
AUDIENCE: We’re heroes too
(The red sheet is pulled off the figure on the plinth, revealing it to be Doctor Horrible with his freeze ray! He smiles evilly. The freeze ray is aimed at Captain Hammer. He fires it, a bolt of blue energy hitting Captain Hammer in the chest.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): Everyone’s a hero in their -!
(Captain Hammer is cut off, frozen in place. The crowd gasps. Doctor Horrible lets out a proper, truly evil laugh. The lights have dimmed. The people look back at him as he jumps off the plinth and stalks down the aisle. Different music starts. The people are nervous, but no one moves. The camera angle is tilted.)
(SONG - ‘SLIPPING’)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Look at these people
Amazing how sheep will
Show up for the slaughter
No-one condemning
You lined up like lemmings
You led to the water
Why can’t they see what I see?
Why can’t they hear the lies?
Maybe the fee’s too pricey for them to realise
Your disguise is slipping
(Doctor Horrible steps onto the stage and smiles at the frozen Captain Hammer.)
I think you’re slipping
(He addresses the crowd)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Now that your saviour’s
Still as the grave you’re
Beginning to fear me
(he steps down, walking through them again. )
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Like cave men fear thunder
I still have to wonder
Can you really hear me?
(he spots the Hammer fans, kneeling down to Fangirl One and grabs her face. She squirms)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): I bring you pain
The kind you can’t suffer quietly
(he lets the girl go and moves on)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Fire up your brain
Remind you inside you’re rioting
Society is slipping
Everything’s slipping away
So...
(Doctor Horrible turns and suddenly pulls his death ray out of his coat. He fires it a few times at the ceiling and people start to panic, run and scream. The music tempo goes faster - The Doctor Horrible Theme song heard in the opening credits.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Go ahead, run away!
Say it was (H)horrible!
Spread the word, tell a friend!
Tell them the tale
(he leans into a man with a digital camera who hasn’t run away yet)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Get a pic! Do a blog!
Heroes are over with!
(About the still frozen Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Look at him, not a word!
Hammer, meet nail!
(Doctor Horrible raises a fist, then looks around the room. Everyone’s fled their seats now and some have made it out. The rest cower along the walls or try to hide behind the chairs. Doctor Horrible is excited.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Did I win? Did I get
Everything I ever...
All the cash, all the fame
And social change
Anarchy that I run!
It’s Doctor Horrible’s turn
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn!
Burn!
(he fires his death ray at the ceiling to accent the word ‘burn’ each time, then aside, to a reporter with a notebook)
Yeah, it’s two ‘R’s. H-O-R-R-
(As before) Burn!
(Doctor Horrible looks around the room. The music slows again)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): No sign of Penny
Good, I would give anything
Not to have her see
(He doesn’t notice Penny hiding behind a chair behind him and to his right. She peeks out, hearing her name. Doctor Horrible walks up to the frozen Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): It’s gonna be bloody
Head up, Billy buddy
There’s no time for mercy...
(He aims his death ray at Captain Hammer, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger. Penny peeks out more, hearing the words ‘Billy buddy.’ She seems to recognise him. Doctor Horrible tries to motivate himself again to kill Captain Hammer)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Here goes no mercy!
(He still can’t do it. The whining sound of the freeze ray powering down makes Doctor Horrible lower his weapon and turn his head back to look at it.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SPEAKING): That’s not a good sound...
(He looks back and is punched in the face by an un-frozen Captain Hammer. The punch sends Doctor Horrible sliding back along the hardwood floors. He drops the death ray, which is now emitting red sparks - clearly broken. Captain Hammer jumps down, picks up the death ray and walks over to Doctor Horrible. He tries to get up, but Captain Hammer stomps a boot on his chest, keeping him down. He gives Doctor Horrible the finger. Winded, Doctor Horrible coughs.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SINGING): (finishing his song) Way!
CAPTAIN HAMMER (SPEAKING): A death ray! Looks like Doctor Horrible’s moving up. Let’s see if this one works any better than the others.
(Captain Hammer points the death ray at Doctor Horrible’s face. Doctor Horrible notices
the red sparks)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Don’t - !
CAPTAIN HAMMER: (interrupting) I don’t have time for your warnings. Give my regards to Saint Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell.
(The death ray suddenly explodes in a flash of red light. The blast knocks Captain Hammer across the room and he lands hard, knocking over chairs. People duck as large pieces of shrapnel from the death ray embed themselves in the walls. Doctor Horrible coughs and waves smoke away. He gets to his feet, uninjured, and adjusts his goggles on his head. Captain Hammer is moaning loudly in pain.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER: Ohhhh! I’m in pain! I think this is what pain feels like! Oh, momma! Someone maternal! (he scrambles to his feet and runs out through a door, defeated. He pushes someone out of the way) Get out of my way! (sobs) I’ve got to get out!
(Doctor Horrible is amazed. He’s actually defeated Captain Hammer - but who knew he’d be such a wuss about it? He glances around. The room is quiet. People are still cowering. Then Doctor Horrible sees something that makes him give a double-take and he gasps quietly. Penny is slumped against a wall. Shards of the ray gun are embedded in her stomach and chest and she’s bleeding badly. She looks pale, struggling to breathe, in shock. Doctor Horrible rushes over to her.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny? Penny? Penny...
(He looks at her wounds, not sure what to do, starting to panic a little.)
PENNY: (weakly) Billy? Is that you?
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny, hold on. Oh, no. Oh no,no,no, no...
PENNY: Billy, are you alright?
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Hold on...
PENNY: It’s okay, it’s okay...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny...
PENNY: Captain Hammer will save us
(Doctor Horrible watches as her face relaxes and her eyes unfocus. Penny dies with her eyes open.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE: Penny...?
(Off-screen, we can hear the reporters asking questions and camera flashes. Doctor Horrible slowly stands up as what has happened sinks in. Music starts)
REPROTERS: Doctor Horrible, why did kill her? Doctor Horrible?... (etc.)
(SONG - ‘EVERYTHING YOU EVER’)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): (sadly) Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victory’s complete
So hail to the king
(close to tears, he bends down again beside Penny’s body)
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): Arise and sing...
(Doctor Horrible picks up Penny’s body and carries her over to an ambulance stretcher bed. Two paramedics roll her away.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): So, your world’s benign
So, you think justice has a voice
And we all have a choice
Now your world is mine
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): And I am fine...
(The camera pulls back to show him standing alone in the empty room)
(CUT TO - Newspaper front pages, all with headlines about Captain Hammer, Doctor Horrible, and the death of Penny. Headlines read: ‘Heroes Girlfriend Murdered’ ‘Girlfriend of Captain Hammer Murdered’ ‘Country Mourns What’s-Her-Name’ ‘Worst Villain Ever - Dr. Horrible’)
(CUT TO - in their news studio, the news anchors are crying. The headline at the bottom of the screen reads: ‘Tragedy: Dr. Horrible Defeats Captain Hammer - Hero “Unavailable For Comment” For First Time Ever’)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible robbing a bank. Moist is stuffing bunches of bills into a bag while Doctor Horrible threatens people with a ray gun strapped to his wrist)
(CUT TO - Captain Hammer is sobbing and babbling on a psychiatrist’s couch about the pain he feels inside.)
(CUT TO - in the street, the three Hammer fans are now wearing shirts with Doctor Horrible’s face on them, and goggles like his on their head. Fangirl Two holds up a drawing of Doctor Horrible and grins)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible walking in slow-motion through his house. It is packed with evil henchmen and other villains having a party. Doctor Horrible waves at, fist bumps and even bows a little to some of the guests. Moist is there, as well as the ‘Bad Horse’ singing cowboys. A vocalisation of ‘Brand New Day’ is heard in the background.)
(CUT TO - Doctor Horrible suiting up, but instead of his white coat, his new one is blood red. He wears black gloves and boots and looks very satisfied. Doctor Horrible’s theme plays. Large wooden doors open to reveal a long table, around which sits the Evil League of Evil in their costumes. At the head of the table stands a large, dark horse. There’s one empty chair at the table. The rest of the League watch Doctor Horrible. He pulls his goggles down over his eyes, turns and looks into the camera. We can’t see through the dark lenses.)
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): (confidant) Now the nightmare’s real
Now Doctor Horrible is here
To make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel
(He walks into the room and takes a seat at the table with the rest of the Evil League of Evil)
BACKGROUND SINGERS (OFFSCREEN): Everything you ever...
DOCTOR HORRIBLE (SINGING): And I won’t feel...
(The wooden doors slam closed)
(CUT TO - Billy, sitting in his house, in front of his web cam. He’s all alone, wearing his civvie clothes and looks grief-stricken. )
BILLY: A thing.
(He stares into the camera sadly)
(CUT TO BLACK)
END ACT THREE
Directed by - Joss Whedon
Written by - Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tanchardon and Jed Whedon
Transcribed by - canadian_kazz, 2010
Doctor Horrible Copyright 2008 Timescience Bloodclub, LLC