"It Gets Better" and the Day of Purple
(Warning: This is a rather long post. Very long, in fact.)
I've been thinking (dangerous, I know). Thinking a lot lately, in the way that I do - by reading other people's thoughts on things and mulling them over, weighing them against my reactions. And I've been spending a lot of time on Tumblr, too, and other blogs and corners of the internet, lurking around, reading.
I don't know if anyone else on my flist has picked up on this, but there have been critiques of both subjects mentioned in my subject title. And I've generally agreed with them. But first things first: The "It Gets Better" project.
So, the project was begun by Dan Savage and his husband (they're kind of adorable, if you've seen them together, a nice couple) on YouTube. And I'm pretty sure that Savage's heart was in the right in place. He wanted to provide some encouragement for queer youth out there, in the spate of media attention on gay youth suicides.
Note that phrasing. 'For queer youth' and 'gay youth suicides'. Because the suicides that the media focused on, were all white gay males (I'm thinking of the first 6 here, haven't really looked at the other ones reported afterwards). But white gay males are not the only ones who commit suicide. They are not the only queer youth. And as I've seen others point out, they are, in Western (excluding Japan) society, probably the most privileged of any group. Other than their sexuality, and especially if they are 'straight-acting' and not effeminate, they have male privilege, cis privilege, and white privilege.
Now, I have my own compunctions with people pointing to gay males and (seemingly) implying that they have it easier. In some ways they do, some ways they don't. But I won't get into those, and will stick with agreeing that yes, white gay males have the most privilege. But this really shouldn't be the Oppression Olympics. That's just nasty and no one needs that, especially around a discussion about the tragic suicides of youth.
The thing that has been picked up by the critiques I've seen, however, is that it doesn't necessarily get better. They say, yes, it can get better... for white males. For white females. Toss in ethnicity, levels of ableness, and transgender matters, and it gets more questionable how much 'better' it gets.
Some people saying this stuff have seemed to be kind of all doom and gloom. I don't agree with them. Not completely. Do white (especially white males), able-bodied, cisgendered people have an easier time of making it become better? Probably. Does this mean they are the only ones who can? No. Absolutely not.
In the trans community (which has been the one in particular that has been critiquing both of these subjects), there has been some... I don't want to say whining, because it is a genuine complaint, but ... complaining, then, about trans- erasure in the discussion, in the It Gets Better project. There are (I should know, I've seen some of them, I know one of the trans folks who posted one) trans It Gets Better videos, but they aren't the main ones. (Although Chaz Bono did make a really nice video.) But really, its just an outcome of the fact that though many people say LGBT, they don't really mean the T. Even within the community itself.
Which is sad. We were talking about homophobia at Spectrum (my university's LGBT group), and I purposefully stuck in a mention about the even higher rates of trans youth suicide. Because it is higher, and that's the sad thing about all this. They talk about the higher than average rate of suicide amongst gay youth, and don't mention that trans youth have it even harder, on average. Now, I'm certainly not going to accuse Spectrum (which I love, and which I don't have enough experience with to really justify such an accusation - and they have helped push for gender neutral washrooms!) of trans-erasure - and if I'm right, they're not guilty of such - but it did make me think of something. We talk about homophobia plenty; it has become fairly standard dialogue (at least around here or in liberal circles) for discussions on oppression. Is it always brought up? No. But it is there, and known.
How many people know what transphobia is, though? I always wonder that. And I suspect the answer is 'not very many' by comparison.
I'm not sure how much good the It Gets Better project really is doing - but if it helps even one person, it is worth it. One Tumblr I follow (fuckyeahftmsofcolor) made a rather good post about it I wavered on wearing purple today.... And I particularly liked this point they made:
[The It Gets Better rhetoric is problematic because...]Young people are capable of being activists and accomplishing great gains and for us to tell them that they just have to wait while the world magically improves is not enough.
Now for the Day of Purple.
As you all know, I am wearing purple. I even dyed my hair purple. Because I think its a nice gesture, a nice symbol, a (kind of really cool) movement that started with one girl's Tumblr post.
I hadn't really thought about it that much (it rather reminds me of the 'Wear Pink for Anti-Bullying!' that went around my home province a year or so ago), until I read a post criticizing it this morning. Then my brain started turning (scary, I know). I had had the thought about the whole issue in general of 'Why are they focusing on it now? Why are they calling it a 'new epidemic' or whatever? This has been going on for years. This isn't new. This isn't unique. And that is the really tragedy of it.'
This post I read (which can be found here) got me thinking. The writer brought up some good points and made me sit back and actually consider seriously those other little niggling thoughts I'd toyed with and ignored.
The main problem with this Day of Purple? All it is, is a symbol. A gesture.
That is, of course, what it began as. The girl who began this, all she wanted to do (I read the original post, by the way) was have it as a commemorative gesture in honour and rememberance of the 6 boys (now up to 10, I believe, according to the media) who had died. And as that sort of gesture, I can really get behind it. Its nice. Nice gestures make people feel good about themselves.
But once something becomes adopted, becomes public, it grows and mutates. And, to the LGBT community at least, this is more than just remembering those 6 boys (though they certainly should be remembered). This is about remembering everyone who has ever lost their life through fault of homophobia, be it via suicide or murder. This is about standing up to homophobic bullying and saying 'No'. Saying Love is Louder. There is purple everywhere today. Tumblr turned purple. Facebook profile pictures are purple. People are wearing purple. My hair is purple!
But, as that post I linked earlier says, But if this is the only time you care, if this is the only time you stop and think about the kinds of things queer kids go through…well, it’s useless, quite frankly. Ze went to comment that if all the people ze followed on Tumblr got this outraged at this sort of thing every time it happened... well, they don't. And that's on Tumblr, which has a fairly high LGBT populace. On the Tumblr of a person who is, I believe, transsexual/transgendered.
(One person I follow, incidentally, commented on the same post with this: "But the way I see it, this thing is happening, so we can either sit at home and be pouty because we’re being erased, or we can participate and ensure that we’re not." -trannsexualferox. This is a statement I can really get behind.)
In the writer of the original post's words: "I’m tired of activism as a fad. I’m tired of being an afterthought.
If you’re going to act like you care, go all the way. "
Which, I think, covers a lot of things. And it got me thinking to the point that I produced a poem. Now, this post is going to be public, but the poem is going in a second post (partly because this post is long already, and I want to have some intro/explanation for the poem, and partly because I only want it under f-lock), but I mention it because it takes quite a bit of emotional and mental turmoil to produce a poem from me.
So, in summation, the problem (and the nice thing) about the Day of Purple is that its a gesture, just a gesture. And the problem with It Gets Better is that... well, it assumes some things, and, aw heck, just go read this again, they said it quite well.
Stay purple!
Jay
I've been thinking (dangerous, I know). Thinking a lot lately, in the way that I do - by reading other people's thoughts on things and mulling them over, weighing them against my reactions. And I've been spending a lot of time on Tumblr, too, and other blogs and corners of the internet, lurking around, reading.
I don't know if anyone else on my flist has picked up on this, but there have been critiques of both subjects mentioned in my subject title. And I've generally agreed with them. But first things first: The "It Gets Better" project.
So, the project was begun by Dan Savage and his husband (they're kind of adorable, if you've seen them together, a nice couple) on YouTube. And I'm pretty sure that Savage's heart was in the right in place. He wanted to provide some encouragement for queer youth out there, in the spate of media attention on gay youth suicides.
Note that phrasing. 'For queer youth' and 'gay youth suicides'. Because the suicides that the media focused on, were all white gay males (I'm thinking of the first 6 here, haven't really looked at the other ones reported afterwards). But white gay males are not the only ones who commit suicide. They are not the only queer youth. And as I've seen others point out, they are, in Western (excluding Japan) society, probably the most privileged of any group. Other than their sexuality, and especially if they are 'straight-acting' and not effeminate, they have male privilege, cis privilege, and white privilege.
Now, I have my own compunctions with people pointing to gay males and (seemingly) implying that they have it easier. In some ways they do, some ways they don't. But I won't get into those, and will stick with agreeing that yes, white gay males have the most privilege. But this really shouldn't be the Oppression Olympics. That's just nasty and no one needs that, especially around a discussion about the tragic suicides of youth.
The thing that has been picked up by the critiques I've seen, however, is that it doesn't necessarily get better. They say, yes, it can get better... for white males. For white females. Toss in ethnicity, levels of ableness, and transgender matters, and it gets more questionable how much 'better' it gets.
Some people saying this stuff have seemed to be kind of all doom and gloom. I don't agree with them. Not completely. Do white (especially white males), able-bodied, cisgendered people have an easier time of making it become better? Probably. Does this mean they are the only ones who can? No. Absolutely not.
In the trans community (which has been the one in particular that has been critiquing both of these subjects), there has been some... I don't want to say whining, because it is a genuine complaint, but ... complaining, then, about trans- erasure in the discussion, in the It Gets Better project. There are (I should know, I've seen some of them, I know one of the trans folks who posted one) trans It Gets Better videos, but they aren't the main ones. (Although Chaz Bono did make a really nice video.) But really, its just an outcome of the fact that though many people say LGBT, they don't really mean the T. Even within the community itself.
Which is sad. We were talking about homophobia at Spectrum (my university's LGBT group), and I purposefully stuck in a mention about the even higher rates of trans youth suicide. Because it is higher, and that's the sad thing about all this. They talk about the higher than average rate of suicide amongst gay youth, and don't mention that trans youth have it even harder, on average. Now, I'm certainly not going to accuse Spectrum (which I love, and which I don't have enough experience with to really justify such an accusation - and they have helped push for gender neutral washrooms!) of trans-erasure - and if I'm right, they're not guilty of such - but it did make me think of something. We talk about homophobia plenty; it has become fairly standard dialogue (at least around here or in liberal circles) for discussions on oppression. Is it always brought up? No. But it is there, and known.
How many people know what transphobia is, though? I always wonder that. And I suspect the answer is 'not very many' by comparison.
I'm not sure how much good the It Gets Better project really is doing - but if it helps even one person, it is worth it. One Tumblr I follow (fuckyeahftmsofcolor) made a rather good post about it I wavered on wearing purple today.... And I particularly liked this point they made:
[The It Gets Better rhetoric is problematic because...]Young people are capable of being activists and accomplishing great gains and for us to tell them that they just have to wait while the world magically improves is not enough.
Now for the Day of Purple.
As you all know, I am wearing purple. I even dyed my hair purple. Because I think its a nice gesture, a nice symbol, a (kind of really cool) movement that started with one girl's Tumblr post.
I hadn't really thought about it that much (it rather reminds me of the 'Wear Pink for Anti-Bullying!' that went around my home province a year or so ago), until I read a post criticizing it this morning. Then my brain started turning (scary, I know). I had had the thought about the whole issue in general of 'Why are they focusing on it now? Why are they calling it a 'new epidemic' or whatever? This has been going on for years. This isn't new. This isn't unique. And that is the really tragedy of it.'
This post I read (which can be found here) got me thinking. The writer brought up some good points and made me sit back and actually consider seriously those other little niggling thoughts I'd toyed with and ignored.
The main problem with this Day of Purple? All it is, is a symbol. A gesture.
That is, of course, what it began as. The girl who began this, all she wanted to do (I read the original post, by the way) was have it as a commemorative gesture in honour and rememberance of the 6 boys (now up to 10, I believe, according to the media) who had died. And as that sort of gesture, I can really get behind it. Its nice. Nice gestures make people feel good about themselves.
But once something becomes adopted, becomes public, it grows and mutates. And, to the LGBT community at least, this is more than just remembering those 6 boys (though they certainly should be remembered). This is about remembering everyone who has ever lost their life through fault of homophobia, be it via suicide or murder. This is about standing up to homophobic bullying and saying 'No'. Saying Love is Louder. There is purple everywhere today. Tumblr turned purple. Facebook profile pictures are purple. People are wearing purple. My hair is purple!
But, as that post I linked earlier says, But if this is the only time you care, if this is the only time you stop and think about the kinds of things queer kids go through…well, it’s useless, quite frankly. Ze went to comment that if all the people ze followed on Tumblr got this outraged at this sort of thing every time it happened... well, they don't. And that's on Tumblr, which has a fairly high LGBT populace. On the Tumblr of a person who is, I believe, transsexual/transgendered.
(One person I follow, incidentally, commented on the same post with this: "But the way I see it, this thing is happening, so we can either sit at home and be pouty because we’re being erased, or we can participate and ensure that we’re not." -trannsexualferox. This is a statement I can really get behind.)
In the writer of the original post's words: "I’m tired of activism as a fad. I’m tired of being an afterthought.
If you’re going to act like you care, go all the way. "
Which, I think, covers a lot of things. And it got me thinking to the point that I produced a poem. Now, this post is going to be public, but the poem is going in a second post (partly because this post is long already, and I want to have some intro/explanation for the poem, and partly because I only want it under f-lock), but I mention it because it takes quite a bit of emotional and mental turmoil to produce a poem from me.
So, in summation, the problem (and the nice thing) about the Day of Purple is that its a gesture, just a gesture. And the problem with It Gets Better is that... well, it assumes some things, and, aw heck, just go read this again, they said it quite well.
Stay purple!
Jay