Fat, fat, fat...
I have come to the realization that no matter how much weight I lose, I still feel huge. Period. Even if I were really "thin," I think I would still be the same fat girl inside. I am trying, I really am, but things are getting more and more difficult each day.
I also really miss my dance classes; especially with all of the stress in my life right now. But the last time that I was in the studio, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirrors.
I swear, I felt like this:
Instead of feeling like this:
And it kills me because I so long to get back to my prime in ballet.
As I sit writing this, my stomach is killing me. This is the 3rd day in a row that I ate only once... and today I managed to eat about 1/4th of my meal and had about 200 calories for the day. I also started back up on my metformin, so I am dying today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.
Thankfully, I am overloaded with school work this week and that is helping me not think about food and eating... and it gives me an excuse to skip a meal or three. I have only lost 3 pounds in the past 5 days but I am hopeful that I will have lost 5 or 6 by Monday. In the meantime, I am continuing with my counting, staying accountable and maintaining the willpower to stay away from food.
I will write more later :)
I also really miss my dance classes; especially with all of the stress in my life right now. But the last time that I was in the studio, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirrors.
I swear, I felt like this:
Instead of feeling like this:
And it kills me because I so long to get back to my prime in ballet.
As I sit writing this, my stomach is killing me. This is the 3rd day in a row that I ate only once... and today I managed to eat about 1/4th of my meal and had about 200 calories for the day. I also started back up on my metformin, so I am dying today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.
Thankfully, I am overloaded with school work this week and that is helping me not think about food and eating... and it gives me an excuse to skip a meal or three. I have only lost 3 pounds in the past 5 days but I am hopeful that I will have lost 5 or 6 by Monday. In the meantime, I am continuing with my counting, staying accountable and maintaining the willpower to stay away from food.
I will write more later :)