(no subject)
First off, this is not me complaining about anything, or asking for sympathy. I'm just trying to get out my current RP state, which really isn't good lately. Unfortunately, most of that is tied to the physical/mental crap I've been going through, so I'll have to mention it, but again, not complaining. Just stating the facts, ma'am.
So it's no shock that Clark utterly and completely took over my brain. Not a bad thing in and of itself, but at this point, he's all I'm playing and even he's not pulled out regularly. The bottom line is he's the easiest to play right now. Playing at work during the day has never been something I can do with regularity and these days by the time I get home I'm too tired and my head hurts too much and I just can't think straight enough to do much of anything.
I want to play Sikozu and Melou and Cywyllog. I do. Really. I just can't get in their headspace and it bothers me because I don't want them to fall into a place where I might no be able to get them back. Especially Melou, because he has an endpoint that I need to start getting him to. Well, not need, but it's stuff to do and I want to get it started. It just isn't working.
X-Files/LGM stuff is taking its time, which I'm perfectly happy with because I'm not sure I could deal with Jimmy either, and Maya has plenty of time to go before I really need to do anything with her, which is very good for me. Diana scares me. Fuchsia... I have things I should do with her, too, but frankly, I just don't want to at this point. She's really at the bottom of the pile.
I would just really like to get back to wanting to play. Forcing myself used to work and it doesn't anymore. It's just stresses me more now, aside from my emo farmboy, although current canon is even taking its toll on him in my head, even though I'm not playing him from there, and more recent spoilers aren't helping, either. Not to mention everything just seems like DRAMA and there's too much going on that I can't keep track of and all I want are happy, fun, meaningless threads that make me laugh (although there are certain pups I would LOVE to have long, serious threads with just because I adore playing off them), and my canon OOMs that get me excited because I've never threaded out an episode of canon before and it's fun and just gah. I know RP shouldn't be stressful, but that's all it seems to be and unfortunately, it's about my only entertainment outlet. Which speaks enough about me, doesn't it?
Well. None of that had any point. It really just comes down to "brain hurts; can't RP" and it sucks.