I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life
well I started writing this one story I put off after all the shit went down.. Even though I am total wreck and hate life completely I need to start putting things back together.. Do I want to? No I don't.. I need to so people stop worrying about me. Unless you are him don't worry about me. I am hurt I am very hurt and yes I wanna die, but I have to try and be stronger than I know I really am not. I have let this depression he caused me eat me up inside and consume me. I really don't care either. Maybe one of these nights I will fall asleep and not wake up. I kinda want that to happen after July 11th.. I know I should just get over this, but could you if everything that happened had happened to you? I mean I was shown how easyily I can be forgot and how fast it takes someone to get over me.. I wanna be able to say I don't cry at night (or during the day) and not be lying.. I wish I could know if he cries anymore if I still cross his mind a little.. I doubt it. I had been told by people before that I wasn't perfect ,but when the one who told you were turns around and says this new girl they are with is everything you're not and she is perfect it hurts more than anything. That day keeps replaying itself in my head everyday.. Everday it reminds me that I never will be perfect. That I was right I will always be nothing. A nobody.. Worthless.. I can't wait until the end of this life.. I want a new one.. I'm sorry that these posts have been sad and stuff but I dunno where else to put it.. I need to open up, but I seem to be closed right back up by my need to seem like I'm strong.. I'm not strong.. I'm weaker than I have ever been.. He was my strength... I'm such a loser..