It's been awhile
I have been wanting to post something on here for awhile but I have been so caught on other issues that pertained to me and my situation that I haven't had the strength and time to write something. The next couple of days are crucial to everything that I am going through. In some weird instance I consider it as if all were to be successful and beneficial to me then its God giving me a second chance at life. I am nervous about it, but at this stage its all or nothing, I am tired of this awful feeling and have my mind questioning every little thing. I have done all I can, and now its out of my control. Where do I go? I don't know. where do I turn? at this moment only both ways. am I ready for this? absolutely not! But its my only choice and its my decision, I am going against everyone's thoughts and beliefs on this, but so what. The reason for this decision is due to the fact that I have been thinking about my grandfather and my sister recently and lately. Wishing that both were here hoping they could lend me a sign or some wisdom. But they aren't here and all I can do is think what would they do in this situation...
"I only say these things to you when you’re sleeping
I hear the hum from the wires and the sounds of the morning creep in
So I lie awake and I hope that you don’t hear me
I can tell that you’re scared of turning into your mother
And I can feel myself turn into my father
So we can lie to ourselves like they do and say we’re still happy
I guess it’s easy when you’re young and you know still want it so badly
I turn over again and I feel my heart beating faster
And I stare out the window and I think that I might scream
I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
And I still utter every word as I hold you near
But I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever
And then we find ourselves alone at the station
And you smile like a child and you told me you want to be taken
I never thought you’d be the kind of girl that would say that
And you suddenly seem like some faceless thing in my breast
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t find it exciting
Your eyes all wet and your face so warm and inviting
I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
And I utter every word as I hold you near
But I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever
I’d tell you that I’d always love you like some pristine doll that you hold at night
But I’d be lying
Love is defying
And all I could think is that there must be some kind of rebellion
We’re on these fears like soldiers and we slay them.
So I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
I still feel you breathing while you’re sleeping here
And I shudder when you wake and ask me if I thought I’d be here forever, forever, forever
Your face so twisted and your eyes a lie
I want to tell you I don’t see you when you cry at night
But I’d be lying
Love is defying
We’re slowly dying"
...St. Jude, St Francis, and everyone up there, I need you guys more than ever...
"I only say these things to you when you’re sleeping
I hear the hum from the wires and the sounds of the morning creep in
So I lie awake and I hope that you don’t hear me
I can tell that you’re scared of turning into your mother
And I can feel myself turn into my father
So we can lie to ourselves like they do and say we’re still happy
I guess it’s easy when you’re young and you know still want it so badly
I turn over again and I feel my heart beating faster
And I stare out the window and I think that I might scream
I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
And I still utter every word as I hold you near
But I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever
And then we find ourselves alone at the station
And you smile like a child and you told me you want to be taken
I never thought you’d be the kind of girl that would say that
And you suddenly seem like some faceless thing in my breast
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t find it exciting
Your eyes all wet and your face so warm and inviting
I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
And I utter every word as I hold you near
But I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever
I’d tell you that I’d always love you like some pristine doll that you hold at night
But I’d be lying
Love is defying
And all I could think is that there must be some kind of rebellion
We’re on these fears like soldiers and we slay them.
So I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear
I still feel you breathing while you’re sleeping here
And I shudder when you wake and ask me if I thought I’d be here forever, forever, forever
Your face so twisted and your eyes a lie
I want to tell you I don’t see you when you cry at night
But I’d be lying
Love is defying
We’re slowly dying"
...St. Jude, St Francis, and everyone up there, I need you guys more than ever...