skyscrapers and dreams
I'm sitting on the 14th floor of a skyscraper in the Chicago loop, at my new desk. Two windows in front of me offer a mediocre view, but you won't hear me complaining. I have yet to begin the serious training I need to do any work here, so for now I have lots of spare time. Also, I'm sitting next to an enormous Sunshine Bear (arguably the most blindly optimistic one of the Care Bear bunch).
I had another flying dream this weekend. I've had them all my life, where the act of flying is neither magical nor effortless. It requires concentration and real, palpable muscular control. Think of maneuvering under water - same thing, just with a much thinner atmosphere - though the mind produces most of the propulsion. Sometimes flying is beautiful, but more often than not it has some element of fear.
Here's the thing: I'm not very good at it.
I stumble in mid-air, I lose temporary control, sometimes I plummet from really high altitudes. And it's SCARY! But, this weekend's dream was special, a first. Reasons it was special:
1) I used the ability for transportation. This is unprecedented. I've only ever used it for recreation or escape. This time, there was somewhere I wanted to go.
2) I used it with a conscious awareness of what I was doing. Not a "lucid" dream, but I knew what I wanted and I did it. Usually flying is like a side effect of an emotional state. The ability presents itself, I accept, and it happens. Not this time. In fact, I was frustrated. Angry. Wherever I was going, whoever I was going to, I was pissed. It was a long way away, and I wanted to get there NOW. Which brings me to:
3) There was a forcefulness that I haven't known before, and I almost hurt myself. The forward or upward burst (if there's going to be one - sometimes I'll just glide above the ground) is always preceded by a moment or two of tension-building, like pressing back on a spring to lend force to the liftoff.
Well, this time, out of frustration (I think), I coiled back much harder than I've ever been able to before, and my conscience (yes, I had a conscience in the dream) warned me I was going too far. The forward blast was so explosive that the trees and houses around me blurred. It was completely reckless, and a strong gust of wind knocked me off my trajectory. I spun sideways, then head-over-heel, I totally lost it. I don't remember anymore.
I approach this with excitement that I seem to have become more aware of my own strengths and talents. But I'm worried, too. PROCEEED WITH CAUTION, says the sign.
I had another flying dream this weekend. I've had them all my life, where the act of flying is neither magical nor effortless. It requires concentration and real, palpable muscular control. Think of maneuvering under water - same thing, just with a much thinner atmosphere - though the mind produces most of the propulsion. Sometimes flying is beautiful, but more often than not it has some element of fear.
Here's the thing: I'm not very good at it.
I stumble in mid-air, I lose temporary control, sometimes I plummet from really high altitudes. And it's SCARY! But, this weekend's dream was special, a first. Reasons it was special:
1) I used the ability for transportation. This is unprecedented. I've only ever used it for recreation or escape. This time, there was somewhere I wanted to go.
2) I used it with a conscious awareness of what I was doing. Not a "lucid" dream, but I knew what I wanted and I did it. Usually flying is like a side effect of an emotional state. The ability presents itself, I accept, and it happens. Not this time. In fact, I was frustrated. Angry. Wherever I was going, whoever I was going to, I was pissed. It was a long way away, and I wanted to get there NOW. Which brings me to:
3) There was a forcefulness that I haven't known before, and I almost hurt myself. The forward or upward burst (if there's going to be one - sometimes I'll just glide above the ground) is always preceded by a moment or two of tension-building, like pressing back on a spring to lend force to the liftoff.
Well, this time, out of frustration (I think), I coiled back much harder than I've ever been able to before, and my conscience (yes, I had a conscience in the dream) warned me I was going too far. The forward blast was so explosive that the trees and houses around me blurred. It was completely reckless, and a strong gust of wind knocked me off my trajectory. I spun sideways, then head-over-heel, I totally lost it. I don't remember anymore.
I approach this with excitement that I seem to have become more aware of my own strengths and talents. But I'm worried, too. PROCEEED WITH CAUTION, says the sign.