Will tomorrow hurry and get here...
Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. Right now mine doesn't make much at all. For the past few months everything has been turned upside down and just when I think things are straightening out and starting too look good they turn again. Who knew that at 22 years old I'd be going through everything that I am right now.
I'm one of two sons and one of a handful of Grandchildren. Out of the sons I'm the only one that will finish college and go on to even higher learning than a simple B.A., and at times I don't want to even do that. Like right now I have 2 papers due in the next week, this is my last semester of course work, the last papers and tests that I'll be required to write for my undergrad and I just can't seem to find the motivation and will to even start. I'm also one of 2 grandchildren from either side of the family that will finish an undergrad degree and may be the only one that goes on to a higher degree of formal learning.
With that said I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I've got to do it and I want to do it, but at the same time I want to quit, take a step back and do something else for a while. I want to take some time off and do my own thing. I'm too close to being done though.
I've been seeing someone and talking to someone about all this for the past couple of weeks. I thought that maybe a professional could help me. Maybe I just haven't given that enough time to develop or opened up enough for that person to help me and guide me to where I need to be.
Another point that keeps nagging is my lack of a relationship with a special someone. Even though I will be the only child to finish college and one of the only grandchildren to finish, I am the only one that doesn't have that meaningful relationship that could one day lead to more. I haven't had someone that meant that much to me in a very long time and it's scary. I've looked and refused to give up even though at times I want to.
Call me selfish but for some reason this little problem seems to outweigh the much larger one that I should be focusing on more. And for this I feel most guilty even though I'm doing everything I can to help my mother and my brother through the times that they are experiencing right now.
Everything will work out they way it’s supposed to in the end and I know this. I used to be religious at one point in my life and somewhere down the line I didn’t become less religious but fell away from the church that had kept me tied so closely to God. I wonder if somehow my feeling of loneliness and longing might have something to do with this. I have great friends, from all walks of life, that support me and you guys all see me as a happy-go-lucky guy. I am, but days like today come every now and again nothing seems to make sense. Life just never makes sense though.
Here is a quote that I refer back to on days like today, "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
With that said, I just hang on and wait for tomorrow and know that it will be ok…
I'm one of two sons and one of a handful of Grandchildren. Out of the sons I'm the only one that will finish college and go on to even higher learning than a simple B.A., and at times I don't want to even do that. Like right now I have 2 papers due in the next week, this is my last semester of course work, the last papers and tests that I'll be required to write for my undergrad and I just can't seem to find the motivation and will to even start. I'm also one of 2 grandchildren from either side of the family that will finish an undergrad degree and may be the only one that goes on to a higher degree of formal learning.
With that said I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I've got to do it and I want to do it, but at the same time I want to quit, take a step back and do something else for a while. I want to take some time off and do my own thing. I'm too close to being done though.
I've been seeing someone and talking to someone about all this for the past couple of weeks. I thought that maybe a professional could help me. Maybe I just haven't given that enough time to develop or opened up enough for that person to help me and guide me to where I need to be.
Another point that keeps nagging is my lack of a relationship with a special someone. Even though I will be the only child to finish college and one of the only grandchildren to finish, I am the only one that doesn't have that meaningful relationship that could one day lead to more. I haven't had someone that meant that much to me in a very long time and it's scary. I've looked and refused to give up even though at times I want to.
Call me selfish but for some reason this little problem seems to outweigh the much larger one that I should be focusing on more. And for this I feel most guilty even though I'm doing everything I can to help my mother and my brother through the times that they are experiencing right now.
Everything will work out they way it’s supposed to in the end and I know this. I used to be religious at one point in my life and somewhere down the line I didn’t become less religious but fell away from the church that had kept me tied so closely to God. I wonder if somehow my feeling of loneliness and longing might have something to do with this. I have great friends, from all walks of life, that support me and you guys all see me as a happy-go-lucky guy. I am, but days like today come every now and again nothing seems to make sense. Life just never makes sense though.
Here is a quote that I refer back to on days like today, "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
With that said, I just hang on and wait for tomorrow and know that it will be ok…