Affirmation after Hurting
I don't understand why I continue to allow myself to be put through this. How can trash and comfort come from the same source? And you're behaving as if you did not say a single mean word. I am not letting this happen again. Forget about ever hearing my opinion or having me share anything more with you.
Each time I get into an argument, I will continue feeling very disturbed and uncomfortable until there is a proper conversation to formally close the matter. I think it's because all these years, after all the nasty and hurtful words, everything just resumes normalcy as if nothing ever happened. There's a huge gaping wound that was torn up by someone and instead of apologizing, I'm left to deal with a bleeding wound. Do this long enough and you end up with multiple scars, futile attempts to restore this ruined relationship. All because of a refusal to apologize.
The present me requires a deep need to reconcile after each argument, no matter how big or small.
1) Until I have a proper talk with the person to clearly spell out what went wrong,
2) what we're each unhappy about,
3) an apology looking each other straight in the eye,
4) the awkward silence as a wave of relief sweeps across each of us with the affirmed knowledge that each is no longer upset and can put this behind them,
5) the smile that breaks out on our faces shortly after,
6) the tight hug that follows immediately which brings instant healing and restoration and seals the wound,
7) the poking and jeering as we look back on the matter and playfully blame each other,
8) then realizing how seemingly ridiculous the argument was to begin with.
That is my description of an apology, of closure. The relationship remains unsteady and prone to fall apart if reconciliation is incomplete. To pretend that nothing happened, sweep it all under the rug, and go on living life normally only threatens to destabilize the relationship and leave permanent wounds and scars on each other. It is healthy and ineffective.
There is a huge need to formalize the apology and a deep desire for restoration to reaffirm love in order to complete the healing process after hurting.
There's always a deep need to reaffirm love after hurting.
An Apology -> Reconciliation -> Healing -> Restoration
Each time I get into an argument, I will continue feeling very disturbed and uncomfortable until there is a proper conversation to formally close the matter. I think it's because all these years, after all the nasty and hurtful words, everything just resumes normalcy as if nothing ever happened. There's a huge gaping wound that was torn up by someone and instead of apologizing, I'm left to deal with a bleeding wound. Do this long enough and you end up with multiple scars, futile attempts to restore this ruined relationship. All because of a refusal to apologize.
The present me requires a deep need to reconcile after each argument, no matter how big or small.
1) Until I have a proper talk with the person to clearly spell out what went wrong,
2) what we're each unhappy about,
3) an apology looking each other straight in the eye,
4) the awkward silence as a wave of relief sweeps across each of us with the affirmed knowledge that each is no longer upset and can put this behind them,
5) the smile that breaks out on our faces shortly after,
6) the tight hug that follows immediately which brings instant healing and restoration and seals the wound,
7) the poking and jeering as we look back on the matter and playfully blame each other,
8) then realizing how seemingly ridiculous the argument was to begin with.
That is my description of an apology, of closure. The relationship remains unsteady and prone to fall apart if reconciliation is incomplete. To pretend that nothing happened, sweep it all under the rug, and go on living life normally only threatens to destabilize the relationship and leave permanent wounds and scars on each other. It is healthy and ineffective.
There is a huge need to formalize the apology and a deep desire for restoration to reaffirm love in order to complete the healing process after hurting.
There's always a deep need to reaffirm love after hurting.
An Apology -> Reconciliation -> Healing -> Restoration