6 Months
Lately, I've been pretty melancholic. It's not been an easy time as I grapple with difficult circumstances, almost unbearable at times. Most days I laugh, talk loudly, seem to be confident. When I'm alone and in the nights, and on some days where I can't seem to find enough strength to be happy, I become quieter than usual, retreating to my shell, seeking solace in work, those are the moments no one but God sees. I often wonder, "Where is Your comfort?" Silence.
Some days I ask God, "Where is Your justice?" Then I ask myself who am I to even question God anyway. This is where my inner conflict begins where I want to say something, then the rationale calm side steps in. It's actually very emotionally and psychologically draining.
6 months into my new job and my feelings have swerved so tremendously. There's like so much buoyancy. Do I really love God and am serving Him cuz I love Him and this is my act of service to Him as a display of my genuine love for Him? Or am I hiding amongst children because I feel safer around them? What is my real purpose?
Jesus draws out my thoughts in such a conflicting manner, causing me to consider my claim of loving Him. Which is why I always look to "love your neighbor as yourself". I'm becoming incoherent here. Too many sleepless or late nights. Even when I do sleep, I rest little because there's been just so much on my mind that I go into disturbed sleep. My constant need for approval from my loved ones and Jesus has caused me to doubt His love and acceptance.
*Bunnie Tan & Jinglu waves goodnight*
Some days I ask God, "Where is Your justice?" Then I ask myself who am I to even question God anyway. This is where my inner conflict begins where I want to say something, then the rationale calm side steps in. It's actually very emotionally and psychologically draining.
6 months into my new job and my feelings have swerved so tremendously. There's like so much buoyancy. Do I really love God and am serving Him cuz I love Him and this is my act of service to Him as a display of my genuine love for Him? Or am I hiding amongst children because I feel safer around them? What is my real purpose?
Jesus draws out my thoughts in such a conflicting manner, causing me to consider my claim of loving Him. Which is why I always look to "love your neighbor as yourself". I'm becoming incoherent here. Too many sleepless or late nights. Even when I do sleep, I rest little because there's been just so much on my mind that I go into disturbed sleep. My constant need for approval from my loved ones and Jesus has caused me to doubt His love and acceptance.
*Bunnie Tan & Jinglu waves goodnight*