Light of the Fireflies [fanfic]-Chapter 8
Title: Light of the Fireflies
Author: Camsahead
Genre: Romance, tragedy, friendship, fluff [-ish],comedy [-ish]
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC x Chinen Yuri[Kawashima Umika played my OC in the trailer]
Type: Chaptered
Status: on going
Summary [latter part of the story]: Ryosuke remains a ghost but even so, he's always been able to make contact with Miu, the girl he loves. But a moment strikes fear within him as he finds Miu unreachable to him. Miu keeps denying her existence, blaming herself too much for his death that the regret and pain slowly destroys her soul and Ryosuke is afraid that if this goes on, not only will her soul slolwy die but her body as well. He seeks the help of his best friend, Chinen who has always been watching Miu from the sidelines. As Chinen helps Miu out, Ryosuke realizes that it isn't him Miu needs anymore. It isn't in his capabilities to save her anymore...it's Chinen.
Chapter 8
A few weeks have passed since Chinen had told me he would help me realize and see Ryosuke’s point of view. But up until now, nothing much has happened. Pretty much still the same, I try to survive each and every day’s worth of dying pain as I struggle to cope having Ryosuke absent from my physical school life. But what makes it bearable to go on is the main fact that sometimes, I feel Ryosuke near me. Though I can’t see him, I would feel a slight tug in my hand or a slight touch on my cheek. Usually I could talk to him at night, in my room, where no one was watching us and no one could hear us. It was our alone time. And honestly, I could say I could live on like this, as long as he was there. That was enough for me to keep going.
“Come with me to my practice later,” Chinen ordered as he pulled a chair to sit across me during lunch-table and my bentou in between us.
“Eh?” Even until now, I still didn’t know what he would be pertaining to at the start of our conversations.
“My soccer practice,” he clarified.
“Why?” I asked. Truly, we’ve been spending more time now but I never went to one of his practices before.
He shrugged in reply and took a piece of meat from my bentou-a habit of his I was getting used to.
“I won’t go if you don’t give me a reason,” I told him.
“Okay fine. Here is one that will really make you want to go,” he said and smiled smugly at me.
“Okay, what?” I said, matching his expression with humour, leaning forward in interest.
“Because you will see the cool side of me,” he said and leaned back on his chair, as if exhaling after some great challenge.
I laughed at him-he was always so confident. “Not enough.”
“Eh~?!” he said in disbelief, leaning forward to me again. “No way.”
“Yes way!” I countered. “That was clearly not enough!”
Little by little, I guess this is how Chinen did help me. A few steps at a time, I began to step out of my shell after Ryosuke’s “death”. But it never changed how I saw it.
To me, it just felt like I needed to go back in life. I forced myself. But if I were given freedom without responsibilities, I would shrink into my shell which I only do so internally, a side I hid from everyone else. Even Chinen. Only Ryosuke could see through me.
Chinen sighed in defeat then looked at me seriously. “As of now, I have declared you as my personal good luck charm.”
“Eh?” I was more confused than ever.
“Yep, you are. So you have to be there. I command you to be there. It’s our game this Saturday and if you don’t come to my practices from now I will not kick a single ball until you are there,” he said in a final tone.
“Bu-,” I stared but as usual, as he would say it, he knew “better”.
“See you there, *Miu-nyan~!” he replied and winked at me as he left before I could further protest.
“Mou…,” I grumbled in my seat. I guess I had to keep up this façade a little bit longer than the usual days if I was going to watch his practices. But then again, Chinen has always been nice to me so it was just right that I support him sometimes.
I watched Chinen kick the ball across the field. He really was the star player of the team. Ryosuke used to be one too, along with Chinen. But I guess it was only now that I noticed Chinen more. The other times I watched the soccer games; I was too focused on cheering on for Ryosuke.
“Look, look~! There he goes again!” the girl beside me said, nudging her friend excitedly who sat by her left. The ball was passed to Chinen through a fly kick and he had trapped it with his foot. He was then moving from centre field to the goal of their rivals. And he wasn’t even that near the goal yet to shoot but he did anyway. You could say it was a risky shot but there the ball went, in the goal upper corner right. He really was amazing.
“Uwa~ Sugoi, sugoi!” the other friend squealed as the other girls watching the practice game stood up and screamed. But I sat there, watching, observing. It just baffled me completely. I couldn’t help it. It was almost like I was watching Ryosuke play right before my eyes again, just like when he was alive.
“Kya~! He’s coming over here!” the girl beside me trilled, snapping me out of it.
“Oi!” Chinen said, coming over, honestly I too thought he was going to the girl’s beside me but then he was looking straight at me.
“I’ve been waving at you from over there,” he told me, coming near.
“Ah, sorry….I was…marvelling at your skills,” I said and it was true, I was.
“I’m amazing, aren’t I?” he said, the smug smile appearing on his lips again.
“Yeah, I’ll give you that,” I admitted and he gestured for his jug that I held in my hands, the smug smile remaining.
“Ah~,” he said after taking a drink from his jug and splashed his face with water.
“Ew, you’re sweaty,” I joked, pretending to be grossed out with mock horror on my face.
Chinen’s smile became playful and splashed some water on me as I tried avoiding it.
“No~! I don’t want to get wet,” I laughed, pushing his wet hand away from me.
“But it’s so refreshing~,” he said, running a hand across his damp hair and again, I thought I saw Ryosuke before me. I shook my head.
“Just for you! I’m not playing soccer here,” I said.
“Hey, Chinen! Get back in the field,” the coach called over.
“Ja!” Chinen said as he left, going back to the game, his friends hitting him playfully on the shoulder-just that thing guys do.
“That girl really must be something ne,” I heard the person beside me whisper to her friend.
“Sou, she had Yamada-kun and now even Chinen-kun. There must be something about her that they like so much,” replied the other. “I have seen her around school; I do think she is quite nice.”
I smiled to myself. At least it wasn’t those other things anymore, things that concerned the past incident. And it was because of this that I suddenly realized; that it is true-life doesn’t wait for you. Even if I’m stuck at this state, a state I try to hide from everyone else, life goes on. It doesn’t stop, it continues to change and it continues to move on. No matter if you’re in pain, if you’re happy, or if you’re ready for it. It’s not life that adjusts to your condition; it’s your condition that has to adjust to life.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
I wiped the sweat of my face opening my locker, taking out my extra shirt. I felt happy that Miu came to watch today. And I did mean it, that I thought of her as my personal lucky charm. I just had to think of some way to show her worth to herself.
“Otsukare~,” I heard and I turned towards the voice. A grin spread across my lips as I watched Miu enter the locker room.
“You really worked hard today, you even stayed longer than the others to practice your shooting,” she added, coming towards me.
“Sorry I had to make you wait,” I replied.
“Ah!” she said, grinning and facing her pointer finger at me.
“What?”
“The hidden Chinen has appeared again,” she answered, making me feel flustered.
“Shut up. I mean, of course you had to wait, I bet you enjoyed it anyway,” I replied curtly, trying to cover up that hidden side.
It was useless. She saw through me. It was really hard for me not to show that side of me when she’s around. She just naturally pulls out that side of me, the side hidden to others.
“Of course I did, it was just like watching Ryosuke again,” she said in a dreamy way. But I wasn’t sure if I heard her right.
“What? Ryosuke?” I asked and immediately her eyes widened.
“Ah, no, nothing. Um…I think I left your jug outside. I’ll go get it,” she said and left before I could ask her anything more.
I turned to look at the bench behind me, where my jug stood.
~~~
Miu’s point of view
I ran out of the locker room in a hurry. Geez, I was stupid. That just totally slipped out of my mouth. In the first place, it was wrong for me to see Ryosuke in Chinen’s place. I’m pathetic.
“Miu, what’s wrong?” I heard someone say, having the voice of someone I loved so much.
“Ryosuke,” I named and he appeared before me, looking slightly transparent but either way, I was glad I could see him before me.
“You look shaken,” he said lightly, holding my hand comfortingly.
“I’m just confused,” I admitted.
“Of?” he prompted.
~~~
Ryosuke’s point of view
“Just…certain things,” she replied and looked down. This was the first time in a while that I saw her look so uncertain. For the past few weeks, she’d become more cheerful. Of course I knew she missed how things were before, no matter how hard she tried to hide it from me, I knew her too well and saw right through. But this was the first time in a while that I saw her clearly upset.
And I thought that Chinen was finally helping her somehow. If only I knew why she was being like this now, I’d ask him to help her with whatever it is. After all, he’s the only one who can. As things are now, I’m only a presence that reminds her more so of her so thought fault.
“Do you want to walk around?” I asked instead, not knowing how else to comfort her. At times like this, I knew it was the only thing to ease her.
“Sure,” she replied with a smile that was genuine.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
“Well Miu’s certainly changed,” I heard someone say just a few seconds after Miu ran out of the locker room.
“Daiki!” I said in surprise. “I haven’t seen you in a while!” It was certainly good to see him again.
“Hey, chibi,” he teased leaning on the lockers.
“Look who’s talking, I just might out grow you anytime soon now,” I shot back with humour.
Daiki cleared his throat-a sign saying he didn’t want to talk further about it. He was always so sensitive about height. Teasing others was the only way he could redeem his pride you could say.
“Anyway, it really seems like she died with him,” he said instead.
“Who?”
“Miu, I’m talking about Miu,” he replied and I remembered that he was really close to her. I couldn’t blame him; Daiki was never a hard person to like. Moreover, he spent more time with her than I did.
“Well, it can’t really be helped, can it?” I said wiping my face with a wet towel, sitting down on the bench, remembering how flustered she looked just before she ran out. I really was curious by what she meant by it.
“I saw her watching your game. It’s good you’re getting her out back into the world. She needs that,” he replied which made me wonder.
“Just how long have you been here?” I asked him and Daiki shrugged.
“Long enough. I overheard your conversation with her just now. You guys seem closer than before,” he noted.
“Eavesdropper,” I accused and Daiki chuckled.
“You like her don’t you?” he outright asked me which took me off guard. The question was like a physical slap on the face. I never talked about this to anyone.
“Ha?!”
“Oh come on, don’t try and hide it. It’s obvious to me just by looking at you,” he replied nonchalantly.
“It’s obvious?!” I said in disbelief.
“To me. Miu’s just really dense sometimes,” he answered and I silently agreed with him…about Miu being dense I mean.
“So you do like her?” Daiki asked again, looking at me straight in the eye and I felt myself squirm.
I gave a small nod.
Daiki grinned. “I do too.”
I nearly fell of the bench. Daiki could be really blunt sometimes.
“Eh?!”
“I just feel really guilty I couldn’t face her when she needed it. I just…honestly didn’t know what to say to her,” he said as if he were just talking to himself.
True, I didn’t know what to say to her either. But at that time, all that mattered to me was helping her out. At the moment though, all the more I felt lost. My brain was being unusually slow today.
“Chinen?” Miu said, re-entering the locker. “Apparently I didn’t leave your jug is it with you?”
“Yeah it is,” I replied as she appeared before us. I felt a slight panic run through me. With Daiki’s strange confidence and knowledge that he likes her, I was afraid of what he might do. Just when I though I had a chance with her.
“Miu!” Daiki said cheerfully greeting her, ruffling her hair.
“Oh~! Arioka-san!” she said with equal enthusiasm. It was like watching two best friends see each other after a year. “I’m so glad to see you~!!”
“I thought I might come in and visit but I came during your dismissal time. Good thing I thought to check out Chinen’s soccer practice,” he said. “And I told you, Daiki is just fine.”
“But you’re older,” Miu protested.
“Then I won’t talk to you,” he said, turning around.
“Ah! Okay, okay. Wait, Daiki!” she said, taking hold of his arm. I felt like a cannon ball just hit me. The main fact that he liked her was still hitting me even.
I mean, come on, she called Ryosuke by his first name, Yuto by his first name, and now Daiki as well? Am I the only one left in the last name level?! Sure, I was more used to people calling me Chinen but it would feel nice to have her call me by “Yuri” alone.
Daiki chuckled. “Ne, shall I take you home?”
“Eh…but Chinen…,” she said looking at me. HA. I felt like rubbing it in Daiki’s face. She wanted to go with me.
“What about him?” Daiki said in a joking manner. Still, I felt like tackling him.
“He told me that I have to be with him during practices. Or else he won’t kick a single ball,” she explained and this time it was like a shot in the head. She made it sound like I was threatening her. This girl was really dense.
“But practices are over. Right, Chinen? You won’t mind, would you? I miss spending time with her. We haven’t talked in a while after all,” he told me. Funny how he wasn’t suggesting we all go home together. Either way, she looked like she did miss Daiki.
“I don’t mind, you two go ahead, I think I’ll stay behind, shoot a couple more goals,” I replied.
Daiki chuckled, patted me on the shoulder and took Miu away.
Miu could really be dense. I did mean it when I said she was my lucky charm. I wanted her to feel like she could bring luck to someone. But she just focused on the threat of me not kicking the ball. More than that, why couldn’t she see I just wanted her to be by my side? On the other hand, I was stupid to let her go with Daiki. I’m too nice. She really does pull that side out of me. I feel like some stupid martyr.
“I knew you liked her~!” Ryosuke said, suddenly appearing before me, this time really making me fall of the bench.
“Are you okay?” he said, looking at me as if he were about to laugh which I bet he was but held it in sensing my mood.
“Geez, Ryo! Quit popping out like that, it really just scares people out, okay?!” I said, standing up, rubbing my head which hit a locker.
“You’re more of a scaredy cat than Miu. She doesn’t freak out when I pop out,” he countered.
“Well, unlike her, I don’t wait for you to come out every second. I could say she lives for it,” I shot back.
“She does?” he asked, his tone getting serious.
“You really don’t notice? She breathes for your presence, Ryo,” I told him. He was another dense one.
“Wait, what did you say just now?” I asked him trying to remember what he said when he popped out of nowhere.
“Oh~! You like Miu! I knew it! You always had acted so strangely when she was around,” he said, smirking.
Again I felt uncomfortable, moreover now that I was talking about it with Ryosuke, my best friend, and Miu’s…sort of ex-boyfriend.
~~~
Ryosuke’s point of view
Knowing he liked her made me feel like I wanted to stay with Miu more. But the more I stay the more I realize that she has a harder time to move on. Like Chinen said, she waits for me, even until now. I’m just a reminder for her to blame herself. I had to leave. But not now, with the way she was acting a while ago. I can’t just yet.
“You have to find out why she was acting that earlier,” I told him, my tone changing.
“How am I supposed to do that? I have no clue,” he replied. Chinen was really in a bad mood.
“Which is why you have to find out! Chinen, listen to me, you’re the only one who can help her,” I insisted.
“What do you mean?”
“Remember that night? When I asked you to go to Miu? The night I first appeared to you like this,” I said and he nodded.
“That night something strange happened to Miu. It was the first time I had trouble reaching her,” I said. When I was finally able to push past the barrier that first time in the lab, I had no problem reaching her since. But that night, it was different.
“You said she was shutting you out of herself…,” Chinen remembered.
“Yes! That’s exactly it, she’s shutting in. She’s closing in. She’s making her own existence disappear,” I tried explaining as best as I could. “She’s blaming herself too much that she’s denying her own life, making her soul die and I’m afraid that the more she does it, she’ll…completely disappear.”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to say it. I felt like if I said it out loud, it would be inevitable-something I can’t change anymore. I would have to admit it to myself completely.
“Because I can’t save her. I told you, only you can. Can’t you see? The reason she’s like this is because of me, because of that accident. I’m the cause, the more I try to stay close to her and the more she sees me, the more she blames herself. She wishes this accident never happened, she wishes I never died, and because of that, she shuts it out, along with the fact I’m simply a wandering spirit. But you have nothing to do with it. You’re the only one who can show her that the way she’s blaming herself is wrong. And I know you’ve been trying to do that, but I’m ask-no telling you to try harder,” I told him.
I had to learn that this wasn’t my place anymore. This was Chinen’s turn now.
Chinen gave off a sad smile and sighed.
“Ryosuke,” he said, looking at me in the eye. “Even if you hadn’t told me to try harder, I would have all the same. I may get frustrated with…certain things but I’m never giving up on her. All those years, you’re right, I did like her. But I held back for you, this time, I won’t anymore. I won’t hold back in being with her, helping her. And that’s not because you told me to, it’s only because I love her.”
~~~~
*Miu-nyan=a random nickname Chinen made up for her. "Nyan or nya" is usually an onomatopoeia the Japanese use for the sounds cats make. Synonymous to "meow"
This chapter was quite long ne~ >< even so, I had fun with it~! Daiki enter! >:)
More or less....it took me about...4 hours to write this chapter @_@ of course in between writing there's me eating random things or doing whatever in the internet XD
Do you want me to add Yuto too? In one of the scenes? I could if you wanna~ Hahaha, but no he doesn't like Miu XD
btw, excuse any grammatical errors or typos, I don't really edit it after I type it..../whacked
Chinen is finally stepping up! Good job, Chinen /patpat >w<
Hope you enjoyed this one! ^^
-Camsahead
Author: Camsahead
Genre: Romance, tragedy, friendship, fluff [-ish],comedy [-ish]
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC x Chinen Yuri[Kawashima Umika played my OC in the trailer]
Type: Chaptered
Status: on going
Summary [latter part of the story]: Ryosuke remains a ghost but even so, he's always been able to make contact with Miu, the girl he loves. But a moment strikes fear within him as he finds Miu unreachable to him. Miu keeps denying her existence, blaming herself too much for his death that the regret and pain slowly destroys her soul and Ryosuke is afraid that if this goes on, not only will her soul slolwy die but her body as well. He seeks the help of his best friend, Chinen who has always been watching Miu from the sidelines. As Chinen helps Miu out, Ryosuke realizes that it isn't him Miu needs anymore. It isn't in his capabilities to save her anymore...it's Chinen.
Chapter 8
A few weeks have passed since Chinen had told me he would help me realize and see Ryosuke’s point of view. But up until now, nothing much has happened. Pretty much still the same, I try to survive each and every day’s worth of dying pain as I struggle to cope having Ryosuke absent from my physical school life. But what makes it bearable to go on is the main fact that sometimes, I feel Ryosuke near me. Though I can’t see him, I would feel a slight tug in my hand or a slight touch on my cheek. Usually I could talk to him at night, in my room, where no one was watching us and no one could hear us. It was our alone time. And honestly, I could say I could live on like this, as long as he was there. That was enough for me to keep going.
“Come with me to my practice later,” Chinen ordered as he pulled a chair to sit across me during lunch-table and my bentou in between us.
“Eh?” Even until now, I still didn’t know what he would be pertaining to at the start of our conversations.
“My soccer practice,” he clarified.
“Why?” I asked. Truly, we’ve been spending more time now but I never went to one of his practices before.
He shrugged in reply and took a piece of meat from my bentou-a habit of his I was getting used to.
“I won’t go if you don’t give me a reason,” I told him.
“Okay fine. Here is one that will really make you want to go,” he said and smiled smugly at me.
“Okay, what?” I said, matching his expression with humour, leaning forward in interest.
“Because you will see the cool side of me,” he said and leaned back on his chair, as if exhaling after some great challenge.
I laughed at him-he was always so confident. “Not enough.”
“Eh~?!” he said in disbelief, leaning forward to me again. “No way.”
“Yes way!” I countered. “That was clearly not enough!”
Little by little, I guess this is how Chinen did help me. A few steps at a time, I began to step out of my shell after Ryosuke’s “death”. But it never changed how I saw it.
To me, it just felt like I needed to go back in life. I forced myself. But if I were given freedom without responsibilities, I would shrink into my shell which I only do so internally, a side I hid from everyone else. Even Chinen. Only Ryosuke could see through me.
Chinen sighed in defeat then looked at me seriously. “As of now, I have declared you as my personal good luck charm.”
“Eh?” I was more confused than ever.
“Yep, you are. So you have to be there. I command you to be there. It’s our game this Saturday and if you don’t come to my practices from now I will not kick a single ball until you are there,” he said in a final tone.
“Bu-,” I stared but as usual, as he would say it, he knew “better”.
“See you there, *Miu-nyan~!” he replied and winked at me as he left before I could further protest.
“Mou…,” I grumbled in my seat. I guess I had to keep up this façade a little bit longer than the usual days if I was going to watch his practices. But then again, Chinen has always been nice to me so it was just right that I support him sometimes.
I watched Chinen kick the ball across the field. He really was the star player of the team. Ryosuke used to be one too, along with Chinen. But I guess it was only now that I noticed Chinen more. The other times I watched the soccer games; I was too focused on cheering on for Ryosuke.
“Look, look~! There he goes again!” the girl beside me said, nudging her friend excitedly who sat by her left. The ball was passed to Chinen through a fly kick and he had trapped it with his foot. He was then moving from centre field to the goal of their rivals. And he wasn’t even that near the goal yet to shoot but he did anyway. You could say it was a risky shot but there the ball went, in the goal upper corner right. He really was amazing.
“Uwa~ Sugoi, sugoi!” the other friend squealed as the other girls watching the practice game stood up and screamed. But I sat there, watching, observing. It just baffled me completely. I couldn’t help it. It was almost like I was watching Ryosuke play right before my eyes again, just like when he was alive.
“Kya~! He’s coming over here!” the girl beside me trilled, snapping me out of it.
“Oi!” Chinen said, coming over, honestly I too thought he was going to the girl’s beside me but then he was looking straight at me.
“I’ve been waving at you from over there,” he told me, coming near.
“Ah, sorry….I was…marvelling at your skills,” I said and it was true, I was.
“I’m amazing, aren’t I?” he said, the smug smile appearing on his lips again.
“Yeah, I’ll give you that,” I admitted and he gestured for his jug that I held in my hands, the smug smile remaining.
“Ah~,” he said after taking a drink from his jug and splashed his face with water.
“Ew, you’re sweaty,” I joked, pretending to be grossed out with mock horror on my face.
Chinen’s smile became playful and splashed some water on me as I tried avoiding it.
“No~! I don’t want to get wet,” I laughed, pushing his wet hand away from me.
“But it’s so refreshing~,” he said, running a hand across his damp hair and again, I thought I saw Ryosuke before me. I shook my head.
“Just for you! I’m not playing soccer here,” I said.
“Hey, Chinen! Get back in the field,” the coach called over.
“Ja!” Chinen said as he left, going back to the game, his friends hitting him playfully on the shoulder-just that thing guys do.
“That girl really must be something ne,” I heard the person beside me whisper to her friend.
“Sou, she had Yamada-kun and now even Chinen-kun. There must be something about her that they like so much,” replied the other. “I have seen her around school; I do think she is quite nice.”
I smiled to myself. At least it wasn’t those other things anymore, things that concerned the past incident. And it was because of this that I suddenly realized; that it is true-life doesn’t wait for you. Even if I’m stuck at this state, a state I try to hide from everyone else, life goes on. It doesn’t stop, it continues to change and it continues to move on. No matter if you’re in pain, if you’re happy, or if you’re ready for it. It’s not life that adjusts to your condition; it’s your condition that has to adjust to life.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
I wiped the sweat of my face opening my locker, taking out my extra shirt. I felt happy that Miu came to watch today. And I did mean it, that I thought of her as my personal lucky charm. I just had to think of some way to show her worth to herself.
“Otsukare~,” I heard and I turned towards the voice. A grin spread across my lips as I watched Miu enter the locker room.
“You really worked hard today, you even stayed longer than the others to practice your shooting,” she added, coming towards me.
“Sorry I had to make you wait,” I replied.
“Ah!” she said, grinning and facing her pointer finger at me.
“What?”
“The hidden Chinen has appeared again,” she answered, making me feel flustered.
“Shut up. I mean, of course you had to wait, I bet you enjoyed it anyway,” I replied curtly, trying to cover up that hidden side.
It was useless. She saw through me. It was really hard for me not to show that side of me when she’s around. She just naturally pulls out that side of me, the side hidden to others.
“Of course I did, it was just like watching Ryosuke again,” she said in a dreamy way. But I wasn’t sure if I heard her right.
“What? Ryosuke?” I asked and immediately her eyes widened.
“Ah, no, nothing. Um…I think I left your jug outside. I’ll go get it,” she said and left before I could ask her anything more.
I turned to look at the bench behind me, where my jug stood.
~~~
Miu’s point of view
I ran out of the locker room in a hurry. Geez, I was stupid. That just totally slipped out of my mouth. In the first place, it was wrong for me to see Ryosuke in Chinen’s place. I’m pathetic.
“Miu, what’s wrong?” I heard someone say, having the voice of someone I loved so much.
“Ryosuke,” I named and he appeared before me, looking slightly transparent but either way, I was glad I could see him before me.
“You look shaken,” he said lightly, holding my hand comfortingly.
“I’m just confused,” I admitted.
“Of?” he prompted.
~~~
Ryosuke’s point of view
“Just…certain things,” she replied and looked down. This was the first time in a while that I saw her look so uncertain. For the past few weeks, she’d become more cheerful. Of course I knew she missed how things were before, no matter how hard she tried to hide it from me, I knew her too well and saw right through. But this was the first time in a while that I saw her clearly upset.
And I thought that Chinen was finally helping her somehow. If only I knew why she was being like this now, I’d ask him to help her with whatever it is. After all, he’s the only one who can. As things are now, I’m only a presence that reminds her more so of her so thought fault.
“Do you want to walk around?” I asked instead, not knowing how else to comfort her. At times like this, I knew it was the only thing to ease her.
“Sure,” she replied with a smile that was genuine.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
“Well Miu’s certainly changed,” I heard someone say just a few seconds after Miu ran out of the locker room.
“Daiki!” I said in surprise. “I haven’t seen you in a while!” It was certainly good to see him again.
“Hey, chibi,” he teased leaning on the lockers.
“Look who’s talking, I just might out grow you anytime soon now,” I shot back with humour.
Daiki cleared his throat-a sign saying he didn’t want to talk further about it. He was always so sensitive about height. Teasing others was the only way he could redeem his pride you could say.
“Anyway, it really seems like she died with him,” he said instead.
“Who?”
“Miu, I’m talking about Miu,” he replied and I remembered that he was really close to her. I couldn’t blame him; Daiki was never a hard person to like. Moreover, he spent more time with her than I did.
“Well, it can’t really be helped, can it?” I said wiping my face with a wet towel, sitting down on the bench, remembering how flustered she looked just before she ran out. I really was curious by what she meant by it.
“I saw her watching your game. It’s good you’re getting her out back into the world. She needs that,” he replied which made me wonder.
“Just how long have you been here?” I asked him and Daiki shrugged.
“Long enough. I overheard your conversation with her just now. You guys seem closer than before,” he noted.
“Eavesdropper,” I accused and Daiki chuckled.
“You like her don’t you?” he outright asked me which took me off guard. The question was like a physical slap on the face. I never talked about this to anyone.
“Ha?!”
“Oh come on, don’t try and hide it. It’s obvious to me just by looking at you,” he replied nonchalantly.
“It’s obvious?!” I said in disbelief.
“To me. Miu’s just really dense sometimes,” he answered and I silently agreed with him…about Miu being dense I mean.
“So you do like her?” Daiki asked again, looking at me straight in the eye and I felt myself squirm.
I gave a small nod.
Daiki grinned. “I do too.”
I nearly fell of the bench. Daiki could be really blunt sometimes.
“Eh?!”
“I just feel really guilty I couldn’t face her when she needed it. I just…honestly didn’t know what to say to her,” he said as if he were just talking to himself.
True, I didn’t know what to say to her either. But at that time, all that mattered to me was helping her out. At the moment though, all the more I felt lost. My brain was being unusually slow today.
“Chinen?” Miu said, re-entering the locker. “Apparently I didn’t leave your jug is it with you?”
“Yeah it is,” I replied as she appeared before us. I felt a slight panic run through me. With Daiki’s strange confidence and knowledge that he likes her, I was afraid of what he might do. Just when I though I had a chance with her.
“Miu!” Daiki said cheerfully greeting her, ruffling her hair.
“Oh~! Arioka-san!” she said with equal enthusiasm. It was like watching two best friends see each other after a year. “I’m so glad to see you~!!”
“I thought I might come in and visit but I came during your dismissal time. Good thing I thought to check out Chinen’s soccer practice,” he said. “And I told you, Daiki is just fine.”
“But you’re older,” Miu protested.
“Then I won’t talk to you,” he said, turning around.
“Ah! Okay, okay. Wait, Daiki!” she said, taking hold of his arm. I felt like a cannon ball just hit me. The main fact that he liked her was still hitting me even.
I mean, come on, she called Ryosuke by his first name, Yuto by his first name, and now Daiki as well? Am I the only one left in the last name level?! Sure, I was more used to people calling me Chinen but it would feel nice to have her call me by “Yuri” alone.
Daiki chuckled. “Ne, shall I take you home?”
“Eh…but Chinen…,” she said looking at me. HA. I felt like rubbing it in Daiki’s face. She wanted to go with me.
“What about him?” Daiki said in a joking manner. Still, I felt like tackling him.
“He told me that I have to be with him during practices. Or else he won’t kick a single ball,” she explained and this time it was like a shot in the head. She made it sound like I was threatening her. This girl was really dense.
“But practices are over. Right, Chinen? You won’t mind, would you? I miss spending time with her. We haven’t talked in a while after all,” he told me. Funny how he wasn’t suggesting we all go home together. Either way, she looked like she did miss Daiki.
“I don’t mind, you two go ahead, I think I’ll stay behind, shoot a couple more goals,” I replied.
Daiki chuckled, patted me on the shoulder and took Miu away.
Miu could really be dense. I did mean it when I said she was my lucky charm. I wanted her to feel like she could bring luck to someone. But she just focused on the threat of me not kicking the ball. More than that, why couldn’t she see I just wanted her to be by my side? On the other hand, I was stupid to let her go with Daiki. I’m too nice. She really does pull that side out of me. I feel like some stupid martyr.
“I knew you liked her~!” Ryosuke said, suddenly appearing before me, this time really making me fall of the bench.
“Are you okay?” he said, looking at me as if he were about to laugh which I bet he was but held it in sensing my mood.
“Geez, Ryo! Quit popping out like that, it really just scares people out, okay?!” I said, standing up, rubbing my head which hit a locker.
“You’re more of a scaredy cat than Miu. She doesn’t freak out when I pop out,” he countered.
“Well, unlike her, I don’t wait for you to come out every second. I could say she lives for it,” I shot back.
“She does?” he asked, his tone getting serious.
“You really don’t notice? She breathes for your presence, Ryo,” I told him. He was another dense one.
“Wait, what did you say just now?” I asked him trying to remember what he said when he popped out of nowhere.
“Oh~! You like Miu! I knew it! You always had acted so strangely when she was around,” he said, smirking.
Again I felt uncomfortable, moreover now that I was talking about it with Ryosuke, my best friend, and Miu’s…sort of ex-boyfriend.
~~~
Ryosuke’s point of view
Knowing he liked her made me feel like I wanted to stay with Miu more. But the more I stay the more I realize that she has a harder time to move on. Like Chinen said, she waits for me, even until now. I’m just a reminder for her to blame herself. I had to leave. But not now, with the way she was acting a while ago. I can’t just yet.
“You have to find out why she was acting that earlier,” I told him, my tone changing.
“How am I supposed to do that? I have no clue,” he replied. Chinen was really in a bad mood.
“Which is why you have to find out! Chinen, listen to me, you’re the only one who can help her,” I insisted.
“What do you mean?”
“Remember that night? When I asked you to go to Miu? The night I first appeared to you like this,” I said and he nodded.
“That night something strange happened to Miu. It was the first time I had trouble reaching her,” I said. When I was finally able to push past the barrier that first time in the lab, I had no problem reaching her since. But that night, it was different.
“You said she was shutting you out of herself…,” Chinen remembered.
“Yes! That’s exactly it, she’s shutting in. She’s closing in. She’s making her own existence disappear,” I tried explaining as best as I could. “She’s blaming herself too much that she’s denying her own life, making her soul die and I’m afraid that the more she does it, she’ll…completely disappear.”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to say it. I felt like if I said it out loud, it would be inevitable-something I can’t change anymore. I would have to admit it to myself completely.
“Because I can’t save her. I told you, only you can. Can’t you see? The reason she’s like this is because of me, because of that accident. I’m the cause, the more I try to stay close to her and the more she sees me, the more she blames herself. She wishes this accident never happened, she wishes I never died, and because of that, she shuts it out, along with the fact I’m simply a wandering spirit. But you have nothing to do with it. You’re the only one who can show her that the way she’s blaming herself is wrong. And I know you’ve been trying to do that, but I’m ask-no telling you to try harder,” I told him.
I had to learn that this wasn’t my place anymore. This was Chinen’s turn now.
Chinen gave off a sad smile and sighed.
“Ryosuke,” he said, looking at me in the eye. “Even if you hadn’t told me to try harder, I would have all the same. I may get frustrated with…certain things but I’m never giving up on her. All those years, you’re right, I did like her. But I held back for you, this time, I won’t anymore. I won’t hold back in being with her, helping her. And that’s not because you told me to, it’s only because I love her.”
~~~~
*Miu-nyan=a random nickname Chinen made up for her. "Nyan or nya" is usually an onomatopoeia the Japanese use for the sounds cats make. Synonymous to "meow"
This chapter was quite long ne~ >< even so, I had fun with it~! Daiki enter! >:)
More or less....it took me about...4 hours to write this chapter @_@ of course in between writing there's me eating random things or doing whatever in the internet XD
Do you want me to add Yuto too? In one of the scenes? I could if you wanna~ Hahaha, but no he doesn't like Miu XD
btw, excuse any grammatical errors or typos, I don't really edit it after I type it..../whacked
Chinen is finally stepping up! Good job, Chinen /patpat >w<
Hope you enjoyed this one! ^^
-Camsahead