Light of the Fireflies [fanfic]-Chapter 5
Title: Light of the
Fireflies
Author: Camsahead
Genre: Romance, tragedy, friendship, fluff [-ish],comedy [-ish]
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC x Chinen Yuri
[Kawashima Umika played my OC in the trailer]
Type: Chaptered
Status: on going
General Summary: Kashiwagi Miu has always been so
insecure and she simply can't understand why Ryosuke always tries so hard to
convince her otherwise. One day, Miu is told that he passed away in an accident
and she can't blame anyone else but herself for the cause. Chinen, Ryosuke's
best friend, steps in from the shadows and tries his best to help Miu cope with
her loss and tries to show her Ryosuke's own side of the story. The two had
thought that the accident brought the end to Ryosuke but they were both wrong.
Ryosuke's soul reamins attached to the world as a ghost, unwilling to leave Miu
alone as she is now.
Chapter 5
I sat by the front as everyone said their final goodbyes. In just a few more minutes, they would take his body, bring it to the room where the cremation happened, and would burn his body. Even if I had come, I hadn’t taken a single look at him. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at his face lying there in eternal sleep. Oddly enough, I was looking for Ryosuke, the ghost one you could say but he was no where to be seen.
“Do you want to go now?” the person sitting beside me asked and I turned my head towards her. It was Chinen’s sister. Just like her younger brother, she was so comforting and kind but embarrassingly I couldn’t remember her name. It was like no information could be properly stored in my brain at the moment.
“Huh?”
“Over there,” she replied, nudging her head forward to where Ryosuke’s body rested.
I nodded and wordlessly stood up going over to him, taking each step with caution. At first, I refused to look at him, afraid of what I would see. Afraid that despite his spirit was playing with me just yesterday; both those worlds would come crashing down-confirming that he was gone forever.
Finally I looked down at him, staring at his lifeless body, his body that so often would tease me or hold me and all that sort. I shut my eyes feeling angry with myself.
I hate these insecurities.
I hated myself for having them because it was the reason for his death. I didn’t understand why Ryosuke always tried so hard to convince me otherwise. I didn’t see why he would even love me so much as he did. I just hated them. Why did I always have to be so unsure of myself? I just couldn’t find a reason not to be. I don’t know. I felt so confused nothing made sense. I wanted to be rid of them, but I just don’t know what part of me would ever make up for them. And because of that he’s dead. Because of these insecurities that I hated so much, his life was taken from him.
But the thing I hate the most…
was my whole existence.
I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, turning away and headed out for the garden that lay just outside. I closed the door behind me, trying not to break down into tears. I sat down on a bench and just tried to focus on my breathing.
“Well this is awkward,” I heard someone say beside me, a voice I would always, always recognize.
I turned my head towards the voice and saw him sitting there beside me, looking completely alive-body and all. It was as if he were there but if you would look closely, you could see just a little bit through him-though none of that mattered. He was there and I could see him.
“Ryosuke!” I gasped. “What…”
“Well you know, my dead body is in there and I’m like…here,” he said, shrugging. “I just couldn’t go inside; it was too weird for me.”
“No…what…what I meant was, what are you doing here?” I said slowly, feeling the rush of happiness slowly engulf me.
“Huh?”
“You seem so…real,” I whispered hesitantly reaching out to touch the side of his face and in response he closed his eyes, relishing the feeling.
“I missed that…,” he replied in the same hush tone, placing his hand over mine, guiding it down to his other hand in his lap, wrapping my fingers in his.
“I don’t know…I feel stronger here, close to my body,” he said. “I can push past the barrier effortlessly-probably one of the perks to being fully attached to the physical world.”
I sighed feeling the guilt arise along with the happiness. “I’m sorry…”
“Miu, you have to stop this okay? Please don’t apologize, you have nothing to apologize for,” he told me, his eyes serious.
“But I-“
“Miu, I love you. No matter what you think of yourself, you’re perfect to me and I will always try my best to make you see that,” he tried convincing me but I shook my head in disagreement.
“No, even now I’m selfish. You can’t cross over because of me. I’m so happy you’re here but, wouldn’t it be easier if you went away completely? I’m sure there’s a reason why the souls can rest in peace,” I replied.
“And that’s just it. I can’t rest in peace. Not with you like this, Miu. I won’t and I never will. I can’t leave you like this so don’t call yourself selfish. It’s my decision,” he protested.
“Please, Miu…don’t…don’t ask me to do something you know I can’t cope with,” he slowly added.
I was about to respond, wanting to say something more. For once in my life I didn’t want my insecurities to pull him down. I know I needed him, more than ever. And I wanted him here with me but it slowly came to me just now that maybe…it’s hard for him to stay. I was about to say something but he beat me to it, as if he could read my mind.
“It’s not hard at all for me to stay. The only hard thing is to push past the barrier and that’s it. It’s not even painful. I want to be here, Miu. I’m not leaving you,” he said and turned his head towards the door. He looked back at me giving an apologetic look as he squeezed my hand in his before he completely faded away again.
The door opened and I watched as Chinen came towards me. “I was looking for you.”
“I just needed some air,” I replied and took my hand away from the place Ryosuke had been and enclosed it in my other, saving the out worldly warmth I still felt from his touch.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
I saw her sitting outside on the bench with a strange expression on her face. I guess it was something you’d describe as a cross between happiness, guilt, and pain.
“I was looking for you,” I said, coming towards her.
“I just needed some air,” she replied moving her hand away from the empty space beside her, clutching it in her other hand as if she were protecting it.
I sat beside her and remained silent for a while. Not really knowing what to say. Honestly, I wasn’t used to these kinds of things. I was never really the sweet, kind, and caring type to my friends. This was the first time for me that I felt the pull to act this way. Miu seemed so fragile to me right now it was as if with just one wrong step, she would break and knowing this side of her made me understand why Ryosuke had said those things the day he died.
“You…remember the day he…left?” I asked her cautiously, changing the verb, afraid that die might be too strong for her.
“Forever embedded in my mind,” she replied her tone light. Not really pain-filled but just right which made me relieved a bit.
“Actually…Ryosuke was still alive when he came to the hospital, I was there,” I told her and she gave me a curious look. I looked ahead, not really seeing anything before me as I replayed the events of those final moments of my best friend’s life.
“Someone call the ambulance!” a person yelled, running towards the bus that had just fallen and skidded a few meters on its side as it made impact with another bus.
I looked out towards the automatic glass doors and saw the commotion. Everyone was clamouring, panicking. I quickly gave the clerk the money for payment and grabbed the bottle of milk tea I just bought, quickly storming out to see what had happened.
The people started trying to get in by the doors and windows of the bus, asking if the passengers inside were okay, if any of them were still conscious. And I found myself running towards to bus too, going by its side, my heart hammering. And I don’t know how I knew but I was sure, something was wrong as I remembered the last mail Ryosuke had sent me. I quickly flipped open my phone and went to my inbox and true enough it was there.
I’m getting on the bus to Miu’s house so I can’t hang out with you today. Sorry.
I unconsciously dropped the bottle I was holding and quickly went to my contacts and called Ryosuke’s phone as I frantically climbed up the side, ignoring people’s calls, striving hard to listen for that familiar ringing of his phone. I cautiously walked down the side of the bus, seeing that only around 6 people were in the bus, not including the driver. But I ignored the others; I was only looking for one particular passenger.
My ears finally heard what I was hoping not to recognize. Though the sound was muffled, it’s high pitched ringing blared past everything and I saw his body lying there on its side, blood spilling out of his head, broken shards of glass from the windows lay all over him, some had caused a few cuts on his face and arms. My mind couldn’t think straight, everything seemed so surreal, as if I were in some movie. I felt my body stiffen, frozen in fear. I know I should do something, I tried to scream and command my body to move but the sight before me was to frightening.
“D…da…dareka…,” I said quietly and slowly, my voice coming back to me.
“Dareka! Tasukete!” I yelled. “Anyone! Please, help!!!”
I jumped down through the broken window and I heard a few people behind me trying to get my attention, to call me back but I ignored it all.
I carefully made my way to Ryosuke’s side, storing my phone away in my back pocket. My breathing was heavy and my heart felt like it could die out from beating too hard but all that mattered to me at the moment was Ryosuke.
“Ryosuke!” I said and shook his shoulder gently. His eyes fluttered a bit open and that subtle movement was enough to give me hope.
I opened my phone and dialled Miu’s number, pacing in the hallway as each ring played out. After a few more rings, she finally answered.
“Hello?” I heard her say.
“Mi-ah I mean Kashiwagi-san?” I asked, quickly changing the name I was going to call her. From all the stories and mentioning I heard of her from Ryosuke, I got used to Miu.
“Yeah? Who is this?”
“Chinen Yuri, Ryosuke’s friend. Where are you right now?” I asked in a rush, all the words coming out in a quick wave.
“Um…,” pause. I placed my forearm against the wall and leaned my forehead on it, trying to calm myself. “At…home…?” she answered finally.
“You need to come here now!” I raised my voice, pressing my eyes closed. I felt the weight of this all on my shoulders and I felt like I was going to fall at any moment. More than anything, the life of my best friend was hanging in an unstable balance plus, Miu…the girl…I’ve always secretly watched…was about to go through something frightening. He didn’t want that for her but he knew he had to tell her.
“Here?” I started tapping my foot.
“Hospital,” I answered curtly.
“What? Hospital? Why?” I heard her ask, her tone immediately changing.
“There was an accident! He was on his way to your house-,” I bit my lip. No, I can’t say that. She’d start blaming herself. I can’t have her do that. I heard a door open behind me and I turned to see the doctor leave the room. “Just come here! I’ll explain more when you get here, I need to go, ja!” I finished in a rush, lowering the phone from my face.
“Sensei!” I called as I shut my phone close. “How is he?”
“We honestly don’t know. I’m about to go contact his parents,” the doctor replied quickly and left. I entered the room and saw the other doctors and nurses swarming around him. I noticed that his eyes were open just the slightest bit and I ran towards his bed side.
“Ryosuke!” I called his name and his eyes flickered towards me.
“Chinen-san, please keep talking to him, make sure he doesn’t go to sleep!” a doctor instructed me.
“You heard that, Ryo? You’re not allowed to sleep, you hear?” I told him a bit jokingly to at least let him feel a bit better.
“Chinen…,” he said, his voice so soft and breezy as if his vocal chords couldn’t work well.
“Yeah?”
“You…have to make sure…that Miu…will be okay,” he said softly.
“…what?” I said, I may be in a daze and all but this sounded like those things the people in the movies say before they die. More than that, I felt my stomach churn and tumble.
“It’s not her fault…it never…was,” he said and his eyes closed, the action going in sync with the flat tone of the monitor.
~~~
Miu’s point of view
His story ended and I felt the gigantic lump form again. Chinen’s eyes drifted to my side and he gave a soft smile.
“A firefly…,” he murmured softly, standing up and kneeling down beside me, stretching out his hands towards the lightning bug.
“No! Don’t!” I said urgently and tried pushing his hands away from it but the movement made his hands all the more go around the firefly, closing it in his hands, killing it.
In a rush, I felt it as if the past replayed before my eyes. Like everyone else on earth, darkness threatens the light of each and every one of us. It has its tendrils around us since birth and with each passing year, it grows closer. It’s always been there, part of life. And the same with everybody else, Ryosuke had it too. The only difference was that I made it quicker choke out Ryosuke’s bright, shining light.
Fireflies
Author: Camsahead
Genre: Romance, tragedy, friendship, fluff [-ish],comedy [-ish]
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC x Chinen Yuri
[Kawashima Umika played my OC in the trailer]
Type: Chaptered
Status: on going
General Summary: Kashiwagi Miu has always been so
insecure and she simply can't understand why Ryosuke always tries so hard to
convince her otherwise. One day, Miu is told that he passed away in an accident
and she can't blame anyone else but herself for the cause. Chinen, Ryosuke's
best friend, steps in from the shadows and tries his best to help Miu cope with
her loss and tries to show her Ryosuke's own side of the story. The two had
thought that the accident brought the end to Ryosuke but they were both wrong.
Ryosuke's soul reamins attached to the world as a ghost, unwilling to leave Miu
alone as she is now.
Chapter 5
I sat by the front as everyone said their final goodbyes. In just a few more minutes, they would take his body, bring it to the room where the cremation happened, and would burn his body. Even if I had come, I hadn’t taken a single look at him. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at his face lying there in eternal sleep. Oddly enough, I was looking for Ryosuke, the ghost one you could say but he was no where to be seen.
“Do you want to go now?” the person sitting beside me asked and I turned my head towards her. It was Chinen’s sister. Just like her younger brother, she was so comforting and kind but embarrassingly I couldn’t remember her name. It was like no information could be properly stored in my brain at the moment.
“Huh?”
“Over there,” she replied, nudging her head forward to where Ryosuke’s body rested.
I nodded and wordlessly stood up going over to him, taking each step with caution. At first, I refused to look at him, afraid of what I would see. Afraid that despite his spirit was playing with me just yesterday; both those worlds would come crashing down-confirming that he was gone forever.
Finally I looked down at him, staring at his lifeless body, his body that so often would tease me or hold me and all that sort. I shut my eyes feeling angry with myself.
I hate these insecurities.
I hated myself for having them because it was the reason for his death. I didn’t understand why Ryosuke always tried so hard to convince me otherwise. I didn’t see why he would even love me so much as he did. I just hated them. Why did I always have to be so unsure of myself? I just couldn’t find a reason not to be. I don’t know. I felt so confused nothing made sense. I wanted to be rid of them, but I just don’t know what part of me would ever make up for them. And because of that he’s dead. Because of these insecurities that I hated so much, his life was taken from him.
But the thing I hate the most…
was my whole existence.
I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, turning away and headed out for the garden that lay just outside. I closed the door behind me, trying not to break down into tears. I sat down on a bench and just tried to focus on my breathing.
“Well this is awkward,” I heard someone say beside me, a voice I would always, always recognize.
I turned my head towards the voice and saw him sitting there beside me, looking completely alive-body and all. It was as if he were there but if you would look closely, you could see just a little bit through him-though none of that mattered. He was there and I could see him.
“Ryosuke!” I gasped. “What…”
“Well you know, my dead body is in there and I’m like…here,” he said, shrugging. “I just couldn’t go inside; it was too weird for me.”
“No…what…what I meant was, what are you doing here?” I said slowly, feeling the rush of happiness slowly engulf me.
“Huh?”
“You seem so…real,” I whispered hesitantly reaching out to touch the side of his face and in response he closed his eyes, relishing the feeling.
“I missed that…,” he replied in the same hush tone, placing his hand over mine, guiding it down to his other hand in his lap, wrapping my fingers in his.
“I don’t know…I feel stronger here, close to my body,” he said. “I can push past the barrier effortlessly-probably one of the perks to being fully attached to the physical world.”
I sighed feeling the guilt arise along with the happiness. “I’m sorry…”
“Miu, you have to stop this okay? Please don’t apologize, you have nothing to apologize for,” he told me, his eyes serious.
“But I-“
“Miu, I love you. No matter what you think of yourself, you’re perfect to me and I will always try my best to make you see that,” he tried convincing me but I shook my head in disagreement.
“No, even now I’m selfish. You can’t cross over because of me. I’m so happy you’re here but, wouldn’t it be easier if you went away completely? I’m sure there’s a reason why the souls can rest in peace,” I replied.
“And that’s just it. I can’t rest in peace. Not with you like this, Miu. I won’t and I never will. I can’t leave you like this so don’t call yourself selfish. It’s my decision,” he protested.
“Please, Miu…don’t…don’t ask me to do something you know I can’t cope with,” he slowly added.
I was about to respond, wanting to say something more. For once in my life I didn’t want my insecurities to pull him down. I know I needed him, more than ever. And I wanted him here with me but it slowly came to me just now that maybe…it’s hard for him to stay. I was about to say something but he beat me to it, as if he could read my mind.
“It’s not hard at all for me to stay. The only hard thing is to push past the barrier and that’s it. It’s not even painful. I want to be here, Miu. I’m not leaving you,” he said and turned his head towards the door. He looked back at me giving an apologetic look as he squeezed my hand in his before he completely faded away again.
The door opened and I watched as Chinen came towards me. “I was looking for you.”
“I just needed some air,” I replied and took my hand away from the place Ryosuke had been and enclosed it in my other, saving the out worldly warmth I still felt from his touch.
~~~
Chinen’s point of view
I saw her sitting outside on the bench with a strange expression on her face. I guess it was something you’d describe as a cross between happiness, guilt, and pain.
“I was looking for you,” I said, coming towards her.
“I just needed some air,” she replied moving her hand away from the empty space beside her, clutching it in her other hand as if she were protecting it.
I sat beside her and remained silent for a while. Not really knowing what to say. Honestly, I wasn’t used to these kinds of things. I was never really the sweet, kind, and caring type to my friends. This was the first time for me that I felt the pull to act this way. Miu seemed so fragile to me right now it was as if with just one wrong step, she would break and knowing this side of her made me understand why Ryosuke had said those things the day he died.
“You…remember the day he…left?” I asked her cautiously, changing the verb, afraid that die might be too strong for her.
“Forever embedded in my mind,” she replied her tone light. Not really pain-filled but just right which made me relieved a bit.
“Actually…Ryosuke was still alive when he came to the hospital, I was there,” I told her and she gave me a curious look. I looked ahead, not really seeing anything before me as I replayed the events of those final moments of my best friend’s life.
“Someone call the ambulance!” a person yelled, running towards the bus that had just fallen and skidded a few meters on its side as it made impact with another bus.
I looked out towards the automatic glass doors and saw the commotion. Everyone was clamouring, panicking. I quickly gave the clerk the money for payment and grabbed the bottle of milk tea I just bought, quickly storming out to see what had happened.
The people started trying to get in by the doors and windows of the bus, asking if the passengers inside were okay, if any of them were still conscious. And I found myself running towards to bus too, going by its side, my heart hammering. And I don’t know how I knew but I was sure, something was wrong as I remembered the last mail Ryosuke had sent me. I quickly flipped open my phone and went to my inbox and true enough it was there.
I’m getting on the bus to Miu’s house so I can’t hang out with you today. Sorry.
I unconsciously dropped the bottle I was holding and quickly went to my contacts and called Ryosuke’s phone as I frantically climbed up the side, ignoring people’s calls, striving hard to listen for that familiar ringing of his phone. I cautiously walked down the side of the bus, seeing that only around 6 people were in the bus, not including the driver. But I ignored the others; I was only looking for one particular passenger.
My ears finally heard what I was hoping not to recognize. Though the sound was muffled, it’s high pitched ringing blared past everything and I saw his body lying there on its side, blood spilling out of his head, broken shards of glass from the windows lay all over him, some had caused a few cuts on his face and arms. My mind couldn’t think straight, everything seemed so surreal, as if I were in some movie. I felt my body stiffen, frozen in fear. I know I should do something, I tried to scream and command my body to move but the sight before me was to frightening.
“D…da…dareka…,” I said quietly and slowly, my voice coming back to me.
“Dareka! Tasukete!” I yelled. “Anyone! Please, help!!!”
I jumped down through the broken window and I heard a few people behind me trying to get my attention, to call me back but I ignored it all.
I carefully made my way to Ryosuke’s side, storing my phone away in my back pocket. My breathing was heavy and my heart felt like it could die out from beating too hard but all that mattered to me at the moment was Ryosuke.
“Ryosuke!” I said and shook his shoulder gently. His eyes fluttered a bit open and that subtle movement was enough to give me hope.
I opened my phone and dialled Miu’s number, pacing in the hallway as each ring played out. After a few more rings, she finally answered.
“Hello?” I heard her say.
“Mi-ah I mean Kashiwagi-san?” I asked, quickly changing the name I was going to call her. From all the stories and mentioning I heard of her from Ryosuke, I got used to Miu.
“Yeah? Who is this?”
“Chinen Yuri, Ryosuke’s friend. Where are you right now?” I asked in a rush, all the words coming out in a quick wave.
“Um…,” pause. I placed my forearm against the wall and leaned my forehead on it, trying to calm myself. “At…home…?” she answered finally.
“You need to come here now!” I raised my voice, pressing my eyes closed. I felt the weight of this all on my shoulders and I felt like I was going to fall at any moment. More than anything, the life of my best friend was hanging in an unstable balance plus, Miu…the girl…I’ve always secretly watched…was about to go through something frightening. He didn’t want that for her but he knew he had to tell her.
“Here?” I started tapping my foot.
“Hospital,” I answered curtly.
“What? Hospital? Why?” I heard her ask, her tone immediately changing.
“There was an accident! He was on his way to your house-,” I bit my lip. No, I can’t say that. She’d start blaming herself. I can’t have her do that. I heard a door open behind me and I turned to see the doctor leave the room. “Just come here! I’ll explain more when you get here, I need to go, ja!” I finished in a rush, lowering the phone from my face.
“Sensei!” I called as I shut my phone close. “How is he?”
“We honestly don’t know. I’m about to go contact his parents,” the doctor replied quickly and left. I entered the room and saw the other doctors and nurses swarming around him. I noticed that his eyes were open just the slightest bit and I ran towards his bed side.
“Ryosuke!” I called his name and his eyes flickered towards me.
“Chinen-san, please keep talking to him, make sure he doesn’t go to sleep!” a doctor instructed me.
“You heard that, Ryo? You’re not allowed to sleep, you hear?” I told him a bit jokingly to at least let him feel a bit better.
“Chinen…,” he said, his voice so soft and breezy as if his vocal chords couldn’t work well.
“Yeah?”
“You…have to make sure…that Miu…will be okay,” he said softly.
“…what?” I said, I may be in a daze and all but this sounded like those things the people in the movies say before they die. More than that, I felt my stomach churn and tumble.
“It’s not her fault…it never…was,” he said and his eyes closed, the action going in sync with the flat tone of the monitor.
~~~
Miu’s point of view
His story ended and I felt the gigantic lump form again. Chinen’s eyes drifted to my side and he gave a soft smile.
“A firefly…,” he murmured softly, standing up and kneeling down beside me, stretching out his hands towards the lightning bug.
“No! Don’t!” I said urgently and tried pushing his hands away from it but the movement made his hands all the more go around the firefly, closing it in his hands, killing it.
In a rush, I felt it as if the past replayed before my eyes. Like everyone else on earth, darkness threatens the light of each and every one of us. It has its tendrils around us since birth and with each passing year, it grows closer. It’s always been there, part of life. And the same with everybody else, Ryosuke had it too. The only difference was that I made it quicker choke out Ryosuke’s bright, shining light.