the wine talking:
i guess i always feel the need to write in this when life is beautiful. maybe i want to remember it or maybe i want to declare to myself that it's true. i have a board with a bunch of stuff thats important to me stuck to it; pictures, important dates of stuff to remmeber, the requrements for keeping your scholarship at new world, the monster's ball postcard from last year, etc. but on it also are inspirational quotes, not the kind you see on magnets at b&n or wild oats, but the kind you hear people say abotu you that you want to remmeber, good or bad. "If truth is beauty, what does that make you?" and "You exude self respect" and "Cunningham...................Cameron Gagne." The latter is because I'm manifesting my own destiny. I was told recently though that it's weird how much energy I put into being happy. I was so caught off-gaurd by that statement. I had never thought about it that way. I got home, saw this board and realized that I spend a lot of my life giving pep talks... to myself. Is this life really that hard? Is this life really so demanding that I must continually talk myself into a positive state? I don't think so rationally, but looking from the outside at my weird habits of writing "life is beautiful" on my hand or drawing a sun or a heart with wings in my acting journal when class is not fun anymore, makes me realize that maybe I do spend too much time talking about how good life is instead of just enjoying it, instead of living it. okay so life right now is really happy and in this moment there is good food in my stomach, wine on my breath and a boy i'm in love with to my right. so, why did i feel like i needed to come here to let you all know that? why did I feel like I had to shout it or document it to the world or find a picture that represented it or a song with lyrics that echo my feelings about it?
horrible things happen in the world. horrible, awful things that take the integrity out of human exsistence, that make you cry, that make you want to kill people only so justice can be served. people hate, people are rude and inconsiderate, people cut other people off on the road, people bomb cities, wars happen, corruption exsists, prejudice exsists, police brutality is rampant, people use other people, people act out of a lack of respect for themselves, celebrety is valued more than worldly contributions, pollution is going to kill us, the world is going to experience awful things in the coming years, our parents will die, people go insane, friends kill themselves, freak accidents happen.... the world is a scary place.
but, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. fuck you for thinking i spend too much time looking on the bright side. fuck you for thinking there is something wrong with making myself realize and comment on and evaluate the simple, beautiful things about the day to day, or not wanting to admit people's faults. fuck you for thinking it's excessive to say "hello" or "bless you" to strangers. fuck you for not seeing the world in the same way I do. I pity you and those around you because you rob the world (even just a bit) of light.
love,
Cammie
horrible things happen in the world. horrible, awful things that take the integrity out of human exsistence, that make you cry, that make you want to kill people only so justice can be served. people hate, people are rude and inconsiderate, people cut other people off on the road, people bomb cities, wars happen, corruption exsists, prejudice exsists, police brutality is rampant, people use other people, people act out of a lack of respect for themselves, celebrety is valued more than worldly contributions, pollution is going to kill us, the world is going to experience awful things in the coming years, our parents will die, people go insane, friends kill themselves, freak accidents happen.... the world is a scary place.
but, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. fuck you for thinking i spend too much time looking on the bright side. fuck you for thinking there is something wrong with making myself realize and comment on and evaluate the simple, beautiful things about the day to day, or not wanting to admit people's faults. fuck you for thinking it's excessive to say "hello" or "bless you" to strangers. fuck you for not seeing the world in the same way I do. I pity you and those around you because you rob the world (even just a bit) of light.
love,
Cammie