(no subject)
I awoke this morning to glory. It was unusually warm in my apartment but the light was white and welcoming. After having discarded the many mantras plastered on just about every stickable surface of my apartment (bulletin board, mirror, refrigerator) and adopting a new mantra to encompass them all, I find myself in a peaceful place. The words of wisdom that have been instrumental in finding placid avenues on which my thoughts can glide are “I can accept me for me.” Specifically, “I CAN” as opposed to the “I am accepting…” that I would generally have chosen. There is some validity to the idea of reacting as if the things you want to be truths in your life already are. Phrases like “I am a money magnet,” or “I weigh 117 pounds,” can be helpful. However, in my current state of consciousness, at this young adult juncture in my life, the ‘already obtained’ mantras are least beneficial. Instead of acting as encouragement and a reminder of what I want, they act as loud, aggressive rubs in the face of what I do not at present possess. So, “I CAN” is where I find myself. I do believe I can. The hyper-vigilance of my thoughts that has accompanied me through every minute of life for the last few years is quieted today. I sit thinking not about what every person in this Starbucks is doing, whether or not he or she is watching me, what the dialogue of his mind is, or whether or not I strike his fancy. I do not screen my words before saying them aloud and I do not judge the words I have spoken. The second portion, “accepting me for me,” is enormously soothing. I can allow my flaws to simply be. I can love the parts of myself that I do genuinely love and I can make efforts to change the things I wish were different. In the mean time though, before these “flaws” have been remedied, I do not have to chastise myself for having them. Acknowledging their existence, naming them what they are and not lying to myself about them is important. But the simple possession of flaws does not have to be a point of contention in my psyche. I am capable of fixing the things that need to be fixed, but in the meantime, it’s OKAY to be a little messy. I am at peace. I exist in such a state of alignment with the divine intentions of the universe. Thank you, God, for this newfound PEACE.