(no subject)
>9 Things I Hate About Everyone
>
>
>1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
>where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
>when I ask where the toilet is?
>
>
>2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
>for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
>channel manually.
>
>
>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
>Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
>
>
>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
>is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
>do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
>
>
>5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser,
>I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
>
>
>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me
>a choice there, did ya sunshine?
>
>
>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
>there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
>there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
>
>
>8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest
>damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
>
>
>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
>yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Things Learned in Texas
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the
air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people
drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a
doctor.
Fix-in-to is one word.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking
it when you are two.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"
You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with
no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a
vegetable.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and
Tabasco.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but
requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas
as soon as he opens his mouth.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or
"off to Wally-world."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili
weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke
regardless of brand or flavor.
>
>
>1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
>where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
>when I ask where the toilet is?
>
>
>2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
>for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
>channel manually.
>
>
>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
>Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
>
>
>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
>is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
>do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
>
>
>5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser,
>I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
>
>
>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me
>a choice there, did ya sunshine?
>
>
>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
>there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
>there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
>
>
>8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest
>damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
>
>
>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
>yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Things Learned in Texas
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the
air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people
drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a
doctor.
Fix-in-to is one word.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking
it when you are two.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"
You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with
no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a
vegetable.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and
Tabasco.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but
requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas
as soon as he opens his mouth.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or
"off to Wally-world."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili
weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke
regardless of brand or flavor.