dont know...
Last nite I had a quiet moment to myself. The more I am alone the more I think.
I don't know if I can do this or not. I know it makes me sound like a monster. I really am not. I love my kids more then life itself, I love Tyler and I am committed to that. I just have so many thoughts they are all jumbled. So many fears.. So many doubts. Last nite as horrible as this sounds I even contemplated not continueing this pregnancy. You can can judge me all you like. I am Pro-Choice and will stand by that, I dont think I could ever actually have an abortion, but it entered my mind. I love my life now with my 2 kids, with Tyler, in ways I dont want that to change. I already feel like I cant give my 2 all they need and deserve, how in the hell can I bring another innocent child into the world and this mess?
I am scared shitless that I am going to have to do this alone. I am afraid that eventually Tyler will leave and I will have 3 kids, by 2 different fathers to support on my own. Tyler says he will never ever leave me, but we also didnt anticipate this past weekends mess happeneing either. I just dont know what to do...for the first time in my life I dont have the answers, for the first time in my life I am scared to death?